Being The Oldest
by SideshowJazz1
Summary: Stephanie Simpson is thirteen years old, the oldest in her family. Bart's the troublemaker, Lisa's the talented one, Maggie's the baby...but what is Stephanie, being the oldest. Is that all she'll ever be? Review, please, I love getting feedback.
1. Prologue

**Hi! This is an introduction to my newest story about the Simpsons with another daughter. This is the prologue, and it'll probably be longer than all my chapters, but bear with me, please. This is in third person, but the other chapters will be from my character's POV. Read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Simpsons. All I own is a picture of me from Universal Studios with 'Lisa' and ten season's worth of DVDs. All rights go to Matt Groening. However, I do own Stephanie.**

In an alternate life of America, there is a small town called Springfield on the East Coast in Connecticut. Many strange characters live there. It's almost like a town out of a popular sitcom or cartoon. But the strangeness of the citizens balances with the normality in their personalities. And on one side of town, there lives a family of six.

Homer Simpson met the perfect girl in his senior year of high school. Marjorie Bouvier accepted a different date to the prom, but realized the same night that she should have gone with Homer.

On one date, life turned different. Marge was 20 years old when she found out she was pregnant with her first child. It was the early 80s, and it was expected of couples to have their children in wedlock. Neither family had much money, but the wedding was still a very pretty occasion.

However, when discussing names for the first child, found to be a girl, Homer objected to most of the names Marge suggested. Finally, she sighed and said "Fine, what names have you thought of?"

"Well, none." Homer admitted.

"Well, what about Jessica?"

"_Marge, _it sounds like she can't be tied down." Homer complained. "What if she can?"

"Stephanie, then." Marge snapped, annoyed.

Homer thought it over. Finally he said "OK."

Stephanie Taylor Simpson joined the world five months after her name was chosen, on July the 5th, in early morning, while a few fireworks still lit up the darkened sky.

…

By the time Stephanie was one year old she had short brown hair in a halo around her head, the same colour hair as Homer. Her eyes had changed from their baby blue when she was born to a dark green. Her first word was "America", soon followed by "Momma."

She was the only child of Homer and Marge, and she made the most of it during her young years. They weren't the best parents in the world, but they weren't too bad. Marge was a fair and strict mom to Stephanie, and the young girl knew her limits well. However, Homer was a lot easier to persuade.

One day, when Stephanie was home from preschool when she was two, she said to Marge, "Momma, Rachel from preschool has the best board game ever, called Candyland. Can we get it today?"

"Not today, Stephanie." Marge said. "Maybe another time."

"But Mom-" Stephanie whined.

"Maybe another time." Marge said firmly. However, Stephanie had a back-up.

She found Homer watching TV. "Hey, Dad." she said sweetly, joining him on the couch.

Homer didn't take his eyes of the TV. "Hey, Steph." His daughter switched off the TV.

"Dad," she said sweetly. "Can you buy me the game Candyland today?"

"Mmmm...Candyland." Homer murmured. "It sounds so sweet! We'll get it right now!" And with that, Stephanie got exactly what she wanted, just by asking both parents.

However, that all changed when she turned three. She had known Marge was going to have another child. "You're going to have a new brother or sister to play with!" Marge had told Stephanie. However, unlike most children, Stephanie knew that it meant she'd have divided attention from her family and immediately refused to talk about the baby.

The parents went through the same process of naming after they found out the child would be a boy. Marge thought of plenty of names, but it was only when she suggested Bart when Homer decided there was nothing wrong with that name.

On December 19th, at 8pm, Bartholomew J Simpson joined the family. Homer called him 'Daddy's little he- angel' before the 20-minute-old Bart somehow got hold of a lighter and set Homer's tie on fire, making the young Stephanie giggle and her feelings about her baby brother were straightaway happier.

Bart's first words were "Ay carumba!" but soon were followed by "Mom", "Homer", and "Steph." He proved to be much more trouble than the young Stephanie had been, and Homer often lost patience with him. He had a misleading innocent face with spiky blonde hair and big blue eyes. He was always scribbling over Stephanie's pictures from preschool, and then, later, her pictures from kindergarten.

It was when Stephanie reached kindergarten when Marge not only got pregnant again, but they moved house.

"Can I help name the baby?" five-year-old Stephanie begged her mom. "Please?"

"You can choose your new sister's middle name." Marge compromised.

Stephanie thought for a moment. "OK. Her middle name can be Marie."

Bart was less enthusiastic about the idea of having a little sister. He liked being the youngest and getting the most attention. He wanted to keep the crib himself.

"Bart, from now on, the baby sleeps in the crib." Marge tried to explain when Stephanie was still in kindergarten.

"I'm a baby!" Bart whined.

"Come on, Marge." Homer said, trying to use reverse psychology. "Let's leave the baby with his little crib." But Homer's patience waned, and he again tried to pull the two-year-old off the crib. Bart grimly hung on.

That evening, Stephanie came home with a picture. "Look, Mom!" she said. Marge found her picture was a realistic picture of Bart holding a baby. But in the picture, Stephanie had tried to show that Bart actually liked the little sister that was coming. He loved her as an older brother should.

"Oh, Stephanie, it's lovely." Marge said, her eyes misting over as she gave her daughter a hug.

However, finding a house was harder than it seemed. Whenever Homer and Marge went to talk to the realtors, they left Stephanie and Bart with Marge's older sisters, twins Patty and Selma. Whenever this happened, Stephanie liked to lock herself in her room. Bart didn't really have a room in the flat, and just had the living room, so he just tried to make the most of it. Needless to say, the two kids didn't like their aunts much. However, they would sometimes give Bart a dollar to sing.

But however, they found a brilliant house. They had to borrow some money from Abe, Homer's father, but they got a four-bedroom house with an open downstairs.

"Homer, this house sucks." Bart complained the second they moved in. He persisted in calling his dad by his first name.

"Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me 'Daddy'." Homer said sternly. "Stephanie, set an example."

"But Dad, I already do." Stephanie complained truthfully.

Life went by in this type of pattern during the time leading up to the birth of the new baby. But on November 3rd, 7am, Lisa Marie Simpson was born. Her anxious brother and sister waited outside the room until Homer invited him in. They found Marge in a rocking chair, holding a young baby, who yawned and opened her eyes.

"Well, kids, what do you think of little Lisa?" asked Marge.

Stephanie planted a tiny kiss on Lisa's cheek.

Bart didn't sugarcoat his reaction. "I hate you." he told Lisa flatly.

….

It took a lot of time for Bart to get used to the young Lisa. Although Stephanie loved her sister, she, too, found that it was hard for her to get used to not having even the attention she had at the time of Bart's birth. She couldn't bring herself to tell on Bart when he tried to post Lisa through the mailbox, and then pushed her through their neighbour's doggy door. She didn't admit to herself that she was just as jealous as Bart. But unlike her brother, she tried to stick it out.

However, Bart packed up a hobo stick, and told Lisa "I liked it when it was me, Mom, Homer and Steph. You wrecked everything. I'm leaving. Goodbye."

But as Bart began to walk away, Lisa said her first word. "Bart."

Her brother turned around. "What did you say?"

"Bart?"

Stephanie, walking across the landing, heard the unfamilar young voice, and went into the room. "Huh?"

"Steph, she can talk!" Bart exclaimed. "Lisa, can you say Stephanie?"

"Steph-a-nie." Lisa pronounced, pointing at her sister.

"And I'm her first word!" Bart said proudly.

"Let's go tell Mom and Dad!" Stephanie said excitedly.

When they showed Homer and Marge, Lisa was able to also say 'mommy' and 'David Hasselhoff'.

"Can you say 'daddy'?" Homer asked.

Lisa pointed at him. "Homer."

"No, sweetie, 'Daddy'."

Lisa looked blank, then repeated "Homer.", making Bart laugh.

….

Stephanie was now in sixth grade in her first year of middle school, at twelve years old. Bart was nine years old, in third grade. Lisa was in first grade at seven years old. Life was very different. Stephanie had recently turned goth and had dyed her brown hair black. She wore net gloves and a diamante headband everywhere, with black clothes. She was an average student, getting Cs and Bs mostly. Bart had turned out to be even more of a troublemaker as the middle child. Lisa, though the youngest, was very talented in most subjects, getting straight As in every subject. When she was three, Homer had encouraged her talent by getting her a saxophone, and Lisa was now very gifted in music, and adored jazz music especially.

But the life of the family changed again after Homer found a job where he was happier, compared to his old one at the nuclear power plant across town. But soon after, Marge was pregnant again. The family knew that Homer would have to go back to his old job to feed the fourth child, who they found out was another girl.

When Patty and Selma found out, they hoped to wreck it for Homer, having disapproved of Marge's choice in husband. But when Marge made them promise not to tell Homer, they didn't, only telling the two biggest gossips in Springfield. Before long it was all over town, and Homer didn't suspect a thing until a surprise baby shower. As Homer walked up the stairs of his home, one of the women congratulated him on his new job, and it suddenly hit him.

"Marge's pregnant?" he cried. "AAHHHH!" He tore all but three hairs of his hair out and sped up to his and Marge's room.

"So unfair!" Stephanie complained. Marge had just told her that the new baby would have to have her own room, Lisa would have to share a room with Stephanie.

"I can't have a little sister sharing with me!" Stephanie whined in a little-girl way. "There isn't enough room."  
"Stephanie, just deal with it." Marge said firmly. "I don't like it any more than anyone else does, but you'll have to deal with it, as will Lisa."

"Why can't she share with Bart?"

"Because you can't put a seven-year-old girl and a nine-year-old boy in the same room."

Lisa wasn't as vocal about the subject, but it was clear she didn't like it any more than Stephanie. A notable example was when Stephanie found a piece of paper on Lisa's vanity, which was next to her own vanity.

"So what's this?" Stephanie asked maliciously. She had no real motive, except that she felt Lisa was taking up too much of her room.

"Give it back!" Lisa cried.

Stephanie giggled, reading it out loud. "_I wish I had a pony, I wish I were eighteen._

_I wish I had a dime for every kid who treats me mean._

_They tease me cause I'm different from the rest._

_When I'm down so low, if I cheered up I'd still be depressed._

_The saxophone's my best friend-" _she broke off and burst out laughing. "Your sax is your best friend?" she gasped. "Oh, that's a good one. Sis, you've gotta learn a couple of things. One; being smart means you don't have any friends. Two; don't leave depressing poems in my room."

"It's my room now too!" Lisa yelled.

"Well, don't leave your poem in my space!" Stephanie screamed back.

"It's not your space!" Lisa shrieked. "And it's a blues song, anyway, not a poem!"

"Girls!" The two girls turned to see Marge in the doorway. "Be quiet. I've got a headache, and stop arguing."

"But Mom, she took my song!" Lisa complained.

"Stephanie, leave your sister's things alone." Marge told her oldest daughter.

"Sorry, Mom." muttered Stephanie.

However, things perked up on January 22nd, at 10pm, when Margaret "Maggie" Simpson was born. Homer found motivation when he got his own job back in the form of his new baby daughter. Maggie's brother and sisters adored the quiet young child, and after Marge recovered from her fourth child's birth, the family was soon a whole happy group.

So that's the six Simpsons. Homer and Marge were both thirty-three. Stephanie turned thirteen, Bart turned ten, Lisa turned eight, and Maggie turned one, and over the summer, the three oldest went into second, fourth and seventh grade.

And this is the story of the Simpson family, from the point of view of their oldest daughter, Stephanie Simpson.

**Well, that's the prologue. I'll have the first real chapter up as soon as possible. Review, otherwise I won't be inspired to continue this!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Here's the first chapter, and thanks for reviews, KittyKatBFF and your friend in the cold. Just so you know, this has a similar floating timeline to the show, so it moves with the times. So even though Stephanie was born in the early 80s, she could easily be thirteen in 2011. Mentions of episodes will probably be out of order. Kudos if you noticed "I Married Marge", "Lisa's First Word" and "And Maggie Makes Three" in the prologue! Reminder: This is from Steph's POV.**

Hi. I'm Stephanie Simpson. I'm thirteen. My family is nuts.

OK, let me start by telling you my deal. I'm into goth. I dyed my hair black, and I wear net gloves and a diamante hairband. All my clothes are black. Let me see...my favourite subject is art. It's the only thing in school I get As for, unlike my sister Lisa, who's a total teacher's pet and gets straight As in her report and freaked when she got a B+ in Conduct on her last report. But I get mostly Cs, unlike my brother Bart who gets Fs when he doesn't try and Ds when he tries just enough to pass. He doesn't aim any higher. See? Like I said, my family is nuts. My sister is a teacher's pet and my brother doesn't try in school. Anyway, back to me for now.

When I'm not doing my homework or art, I'm either listening to music or going on the Internet. I'm just glad Mom and Dad finally decided to move with the times and got a computer. But still, I'm saving up for an iPad (I already got a cellphone last Christmas). So yeah, that's me. Now, my family.

I already said I had a brother, Bart (he's ten) and a sister, Lisa (eight). I also have another sister, Maggie, who's one. My parents are called Marge and Homer. Dad's kind of flaky, but I can pretty much get him to do whatever because of that. Mom's more grounded but she's kind of overprotective, and she hates my style.

"You were always such a sweet girl when you were little." she sometimes says.

"You mean I was a predictable Mary-Sue and now I'm cool but moody?" I always reply. "I'm a teenager now, Mom. Deal with it."

I share my room with Lisa. She doesn't understand my style either. "You look so depressed." she once said. "You're the one who says I'm the depressed one in the family."

"It's not _depressing,_" I had scoffed. "Can't you see my headband? Little sister, you are unfamiliar with the gothic styles."

"All I know is that it looks like you're a suicide risk." Lisa had muttered under her breath, but I heard her.

"Oh really?" I had laughed bitterly. "Bart's the only one stupid enough to actually drive someone into letting him commit suicide."

"Bart didn't choose to have a mortal enemy." Lisa pointed out, as that was what I was referring to. "You really think he'll want to hear that?" Lisa knew that would beat me. I could easily win a verbal or physical fight against Lisa, but Bart, being the troublemaker in the family, was skilled in both, more so than I, even though I was three years older and already much taller.

Anyway, it was a Sunday morning when the story I'm going to tell began. We always go to church on Sundays, which I hate. Everyone except Mom hates it.

"Kids, come on!" Mom called. Lisa and Bart ran out of their rooms (Lisa ran out of the room that was also mine), dressed in their clothes. Bart was in blue, with his blonde hair neatly parted. Lisa was in her pink dress and hat. Me? I didn't bother to come out, and I hadn't bothered to get dressed, either. I was only up because Lisa had pulled the covers off me.

"Stephanie!" called Mom. I could hear Dad complaining as well.

I didn't answer Mom or bother to leave my room.

"Stephanie, out here right now!" I could tell Mom was getting annoyed, so I answered.

"I'm not going.!" I called out. "I'm not Christian! In fact, I'm going to convert to Judaism or something."

But Mom dragged me out the house anyway, although she couldn't force me to change my black clothes. At least it was a small victory. But it wasn't a fun church. Reverend Lovejoy was as droning and as boring as usual, and I was nervous that my family was going to embarrass me as they do. There was the time when Bart claimed that he had gotten the devil and got a man dressed in red with curly dark facial hair in a headlock. Or the time Dad actually said "Damn it" when he hit his head.

I stuck around after church to talk to my dragged-along atheist friend Tasha. "I hate all these little sermons and hymns." she sighed. "I've told my mom a million times that I don't believe in it."

"At least your family is somewhat sane." I pointed out. "My dad's a lazy weird guy, my mom treats me like a little kid, my brother makes trouble for everyone whenever he can, and my sister's a depressed teacher's pet. I have no hope that Maggie will grow up normal."

"Well, see you at school." Tasha said, as she walked off again with her family. I went to catch up with mine.

It was only later that afternoon when I heard Dad screaming. "OH MY GOD, SOMEONE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" The whole family ran into the hall, then Dad said, calmer, "Oh wait, it's for Bart." He was holding a letter that read "Die Bart Die." It was written in blood.

"Gross!" I exclaimed. "Who'd write a letter in blood?"

Here we come to what Lisa and I discussed earlier-Bart's mortal enemy. Last year, Bart's hero, Krusty the Clown (a TV star who is, yes, a clown. How'd you know?) was convicted of armed robbery. Bart persuaded Lisa to help him find out that Krusty was framed, which he was. It turned out that Krusty's sidekick character, full name Robert Terwilliger, better known under the name Sideshow Bob, had done it to get revenge on Krusty for the abuse he'd suffered on the show. Ever since then, he'd hated Bart for working it out. There was another time, at the beginning of this year, when he got out of jail. He had been seeing my Aunt Selma, one of Mom's sisters, and they got married. On their honeymoon, he tried to kill her, but it was Bart who worked it out. But anyway, for the short time that Bob had been with Aunt Selma, I'd gotten to know him pretty well. Bart had never trusted him to have reformed from the start, but I'd actually gone out of my way to talk to him. I actually liked him a lot more than anyone in my family. I mean, genuinely. He interested me.

But back to here and now. I didn't work out who was writing the letters yet. It was only later that we found out that Bob was writing the letters and fully intended to kill Bart.

We had a look at the letters for the handwriting. After "Die Bart Die" there were things like "You're dead Bart", "Death Bart Death", "Die! Die!", "Die! Die! Die!", "Bart will die!", "You are going to die", "Death Bart death", and before, Bart got a letter saying "I'm going to kill you."

Dad wrote a letter too, saying "I kill you scum." Bart had played one of his tricks on Dad, again, tattooing him with "Wide Load".

But enough of us trying to work out who it was. We actually met Bob at a movie theatre a week after the final letter "See you soon Bart". He was in front of us, smoking and laughing. Not that I realized it was him. After all, I was trying to watch the film. It was a family film, meaning I got dragged along with the family. Anyway, just as Dad was about to snap, he started laughing himself at something on the screen, and finally Bob turned around. "Oh, really now, that's too much!"

"Hypocritical." I muttered as Bart and Lisa screamed their lungs out.

"You wrote me those letters." Bart accused.

"In blood." I added teasingly. "Morbid much?"

"Stay away from my son!" Mom cried.

"Oh I'll stay away from your son alright." Bob said in a low tone. "Stay away – forever!" Then he realized. "Wait a minute, that's no good." and then, suddenly, "Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say 'stay away from my son' again."

"No!" Mom snapped.

"Knock knock." I said as I walked into Bart's room that evening. He didn't answer me, just glanced up.

"You're a bundle of laughs tonight." I said sarcastically. "You gonna let a dreadlocked guy who hates you get you down?" I smiled a little at that line. "Actually," I added. "I genuinely like him. He's interesting to talk to."

"And he's going to kill me." Bart muttered. "Leave me alone, Stephanie."

I was really and truly saddened to see Bart had lost his fighting side in the face of death. "OK, Bart." I said, and then I actually said something that was stereotypical of a big sister. "But don't lose the spark you've lost now. I want my real brother back sometime this week."

This actually made Bart smile faintly, but it didn't help with the situation that Bart was still being stalked.

We eventually went to some people who relocated us and gave us a new surname: Thompson. For some reason, Dad didn't seem to be able to answer to Mr Thompson.

Finally, I got bored after about ten times and said "Try me instead. I could answer to Miss Thompson."

The man sighed. "OK, when I say 'Hello Miss Thompson' you say 'hi.'"

I nodded. "Hello Miss Thompson."

"Hi." I answered. Then I smirked at Dad, knowing he wouldn't notice.

Finally, the day arrived when we would go to live on a houseboat in Terror Lake. We came to a cactus patch soon enough.

"Hey, kids," said Dad. "Wanna drive through that cactus patch?"

"Yeah!" Bart, Lisa and I chorused. I couldn't resist the excitement.  
"No!" called a voice from underneath the car.

"Well, three against one!" Dad said.

"But who was the one?" I asked.

"Uh..." Dad said.

"I think you're still in danger, Bart." I said. "I guess I better act like a Thompson now."

Mom turned around to speak to me. "Stephanie, leave your brother alone."

"I'd prefer it if you actually acted like a sister." Lisa remarked. "Right now you're just a detached sibling who doesn't seem to want us as a family."

"Well, little sis, most of the time I don't." I snapped. "But I have to stick with you guys and I truthfully don't want Bart to die."

**I know a lot of this is from the episode "Cape Feare", but that's because my favourite character overall is Sideshow Bob. I might put some more interaction between him and Stephanie, and I will write the end of this episode, but there'll be a lot of original stuff too. By the way, I'm putting a poll up on my profile to say which episodes I should do. It'll change each time I finish an episode in this story, so look out for that.**


	3. Chapter 2

**OK, next chapter. Here will "Cape Feare" end. Again, thank you for your review, Vitani825.**

I suspected correctly when I thought Bob had followed us to Terror Lake. We'd only been there two days when Bart burst into the houseboat in a panic, saying "I saw Sideshow Bob and he threatened to kill me!"

"Bart, don't interrupt!" Dad said.

"Homer, this is serious!" Mom told him.

"Oh, it is not."

"I'm going out." I said. "See you later."

"Stephanie-" Mom began.

"I'm not the one under threat." I interrupted. "And I won't get lost, because I've got a map."

OK, I'll tell the truth. I was watching out for Bob. The reason was that I actually wanted to know an answer to a few questions.

Well, our meeting was pretty cliché. I had been wandering around the town around Terror Lake for an hour and I was just about to go home when a car pulled up beside me.

"Stephanie?" I recognized the voice from underneath the car.

"Yeah, it's me." I said. "You wanna talk?"

I heard the sound of metal clinking and the car drove off, leaving Bob in the street. "Get up." I said. "Or you could get hurt."

"Yes, that's probably a good idea." he said, grimacing. "Last time a parade walked over me." I giggled at the image.

"So," I said. "I've got questions. Firstly, why are you so hellbent on murdering my brother? What is it with my family?"

He smirked a little. "Why, surely I can talk to you or Bart without the intention of vengeance? Although that may be a reason I am here." he answered. "I actually wanted to ask you a question. The last time I crossed paths with your family, you seemed...very detached from them. Why is that?"

I couldn't help but smile in amusement. "Have you been talking to Lisa?" I teased. "She said the exact same thing. Oh, wait, I know. You were there when she said that."

He nearly scowled at this. "I was just interested to know why. You will recall that I spent some time with your family during the time Selma was my fiance."

"I know." I answered. "I actually did talk to you, unlike some people. So now that you aren't pretending to be innocent, why don't you just tell me the plan?"

"I'm sure you have a good idea, since you would have seen the letters I wrote to Bart."

"So you're planning to sneak onto our houseboat and kill Bart then?"

"You think like I do, Stephanie."

"It's a talent." My cellphone beeped at that moment, signaling I had a text. I glanced at it.

_Steph-wtf r u doin? Im a block away and i can c u.-Lisa._

"Sorry, I've gotta go." I said. "Lisa's yelling at me through text. See you." I smiled at Bob, the way I would smile at a friend, then walked in the direction I could see Lisa in.

"I didn't know you swore, little sis." I remarked. "What's the problem?"

"I think swearing is acceptable when you're talking to a homicidal maniac." Lisa accused. "What were you _doing, _talking to him?"  
"I actually would prefer talking to him than you." I answered. "He's more interesting, although, you'd probably be interested, too. You two are very alike."

Lisa flushed. "No, I'm not! How could you?"

"What?" I said, pretending I didn't know what the problem was. "I meant that you think the same way about me, and you're both very smart."

Lisa relaxed very slightly. "Well, I have the moral code that means I don't talk to him, because he wants to kill my brother!"

"Yeah, that sucks." I admitted. "But you are only thinking in one term. Everything has two sides."

"Whatever." Lisa muttered.

I guess the readers will want to know the meaning of what Bob said about me thinking the same way. Yeah, he did sneak onto our houseboat. Let me explain how it happened.

OK, I was asleep like normal people are at five in the morning (When I go to parties, they are usually over by then, so I'm asleep then anyway) when I was woken up by the sound of a whack, then a shudder I recognized. I was instantly jolted wide awake and I shook Lisa, who again shared a room with me. She blinked as the door began to open, just as I jumped out the window onto the deck to warn Bart of the impending danger on his life. I saw that the houseboat had been cut loose and we were drifting out of Terror Lake, but I couldn't dwell on that for too long. I heard Lisa scream, but I knew from experience that Bob would be fixitated on the primary goal, so he wouldn't hurt Lisa until he'd killed Bart, at least. I quickly ran to the window outside Bart's room.

I battered frantically on Bart's window, but he seemed to be sleeping too heavily to hear. Then I spotted the door opening and ran around to hide. Lisa, Maggie, Mom and Dad were tied up on the other side of the deck.

"Untie us, quick!" Lisa cried.

"Shut up!" I hissed. "I don't want to be stuck tied up too!"

Dad was asleep, but Mom said "What's happening to Bart?"

I thought how to explain it for a moment, then answered "Well, he's OK for now." At that moment, Bart ran past us, barely noticing us, trying in vain to find a way off the houseboat. I ran after him, and soon we were both pressed against the bow of the houseboat. Bob was standing in front of us, holding a knife. When he saw me, he smirked.

"Well, Stephanie, we meet again. I hope you don't mind that your family is out of action at the moment, but I ask, why weren't you there?"

I gave one of my most mocking smirks back. "Well, I was awake, so I heard you sneaking onto the boat. Were you planning on tying me up, too?"

He looked thoughtful as he fixed his eyes on me. "Well, I was planning on it, but on second thought, you're no threat." I scowled, but he turned to Bart. "As for you, do you have any last requests?"

"Well, there is one, but..." Bart's eyes traveled to a sign the houseboat drifted past. "Nah."

"No, go on!"

"Well-" Bart smiled at his arch nemesis. "You have such a beautiful voice."

"Guilty as charged."

I laughed at him. "Modest, aren't you?"

"Sometimes, life is too short for modesty, as is the life that will not last eleven years." Bob's eyes darkened before Bart continued.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the HMS Pinafore."

"Very well, Bart. I will send you to heaven before I send you to hell." He turned to me again. "I suppose I should ask you if you have a request that you would like me to sing."

I smiled. I was going to have fun with this. "OK." I said brightly. "Do you know the songs from the musical 'Wicked'?" He nodded, although a trace of a frown crossed his face. "OK, well, could you sing Elphaba's part of Defying Gravity?"

He didn't look as happy as with Bart's request, but he said "Very well, if I must. But would you mind singing the other part, Glinda's?" I smirked and nodded.

I fully enjoyed listening to the HMS Pinafore, and Bart even joined in a few times. Then at the end of the song, I began to sing the first part of the chosen song. "_I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy now!" _I sang. "_I hope you're happy how you've hurt your cause forever_

_I hope you think you're clever..._"

"_I hope you're happy!" _Bob continued. Considering it was a song for females, he sang the part well, and he could act while singing, so it felt more like I was telling off my best friend at the beginning. Both our voices soared.

The song continued, to when I started singing the crowds' bit.

"_Bring me down!" _Bob sang.

"_No one mourns the wicked!" _I sang. "_So we have to bring her..."_

"_Ohh-oh-oh-ohhhhhhhh!"_

"_DOWN!" _I yelled. Bart gave both of us a standing ovation, clapping. I had nearly forgotten where I was.

"And now...for the final curtain." A sword was drawn, and Bart backed away. Suddenly, I realized what had happened. Bart had stalled, hoping the boat would drift to land while the songs continued. But even my own suggestion hadn't-

My thoughts were cut off as the boat stopped and there were the sounds of guns being cocked. We had drifted right back to Springfield.

Police Chief Wiggum spoke. "Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest!"

"By Lucifer's beard!" exclaimed Bob furiously.

"Uh...yeah." Chief Wiggum said.

You know the happy ending. We moved back to Springfield and we were the Simpsons again. However, before Bob was sent to jail, I went to say goodbye.

"Until we meet again." I said brightly, waving a net-gloved hand. "Loved the Broadway, Idina Menzel."  
"I honestly hated that show." he muttered.

"Too bad." I said teasingly. "I liked it because Elphaba's so cool. Maybe next time I see you I'll persuade you to sing 'Popular'."

Bob actually smiled at this. "I'll definitely not let Bart trick me into that again." he answered. "Goodbye, Stephanie."

Well, that's a slice of life from being a Simpson.

**Wow, that took a long time, but I had fun making Stephanie talk to Bob. Next time, I'll do a bit of Treehouse of Horror-but only one of the first three. Stephanie will either tell a story, or have a nightmare. Please review, and vote on the poll on my profile!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know I said I was doing Treehouse Of Horror next, but I tried doing the second episode and it was completely stupid. I might well try the third episode later. Meanwhile, enjoy this one!**

That might have been a horror story, but what happened next was far beyond. I often found my family lame and embarrassing, but what happened was just too scary.

It was photo day at school for Bart and Lisa. Mom was packing our lunches expertly. She took Dracula teeth away from Bart and pulled off a sign saying "I'm a stupid baby" that Bart had taped to Lisa.

"Mom, you fuss over us way too much." Lisa sighed, but you could tell she liked it. We went out to the bus.

"Enjoy it now, because when you're an adult, you'll have to take care of yourself!" Mom called after us.

About five seconds later, I faintly heard Dad whine "Marge, there's a spider near my car keys!"

Anyway, I don't really know what happened after that. I did have an incident at school. My diamante headband was stolen, and one of the ninth-graders thought it would be fun to push me into my locker and leave me there until the end of lunchtime, then inform me that I'd passed the test and wouldn't have to be hazed if I ever got onto a sports team, which I won't. Honestly, why would I have wanted to get into a sports team when I'd rather be getting inspired for my next art class by listening to music? So by the time school ended, I was covered in sweat (Gross!) from the airless locker, and my hair was so sweaty it was all spiked around, and Tasha and my other friends started calling me Alice like the vampire with the spiky black hair from the _Twilight _books. This was not a compliment.

I got on the school bus, and when it got to Springfield Elementary School, I was shocked on seeing Bart and Lisa climb aboard. Bart was barefoot with a paper bag for clothes, and Lisa wore lost-property shoes that were too big for her. "What happened?" I asked.

"Some girls stole my shoes." Lisa muttered. She got bullied a lot, but this was the worst.

"You remember that monkey Milhouse had?" Bart asked.

"Your friend with the glasses?" Milhouse was always around our house to hang out with Bart and it was no secret that he had a crush on Lisa. I caught him in our room a few times, trying to find something he could use to impress Lisa. He was always scared of me since I chewed him out on seeing him there.

"Yeah, him." Bart said. "The monkey gave me lice so they burned my clothes. Anyway, what happened to you?"

"Someone stole my hairband and I spent lunchtime in my locker." I answered. The ninth graders sitting behind me started laughing.

However, the worst was yet to come. We arrived home and found social workers in our house and Mom and Dad nowhere to be found. Maggie was there, with our Grandpa Simpson, but everything was a mess.

"Something must have happened!" I said. "Mom would never leave the house like this!" And then the door opened and Mom and Dad appeared in the most loose mood I'd ever seen. They stopped short when they saw the social workers. One of them picked up Maggie and gently pushed me and my other siblings out to a van.

I could hear Mom screaming, nearly crying and the other worker holding her back.

"Now, just relax, kids, all we're doing is taking you to a foster home." the social worker in the driver's seat said. Suddenly, we turned into the drive next door, and we were let out of the van.

"Welcome to your new home, neglectarinos!"

"Oh, great." I muttered. Our foster family were the Flandereses? Let me see, there's Ned Flanders, his wife Maude, and their kids Rod and Todd. Seriously, what was up with that? Plus I knew how ultra-conservative the family was, and how ultra-Christian they were, too. And the way they spoke!

But however much Bart, Lisa or I protested, they didn't believe us. At least I was able to keep my cellphone and Ipod, so I was able to listen to music, and when I got a moment alone, I called Mom at home and Dad at work. But after a while, all I would get was a recorded message saying "_The number you have dialed can no longer be reached by this phone for your own personal safety."_

That made me start swearing. Ha, my foster family would've been shocked.

The family actually brought out a newspaper with articles like 'Playtime Is Fun'. When Rod brought that out, I couldn't help laughing at him.

"What are you, an afternoon special?" I scoffed.

Bart was far more inventive. His article was about a negative feature Todd had. Lisa, on the other hand, was smart enough to write the article 'Simpsons Miss Mom and Dad'. I just wrote my own article 'Religion In Moderation' which sadly, no one in the family seemed to realize was a jab at their Christianity that was so not in moderation.

I despised living here. What's more, Bart and Lisa didn't like it any more than I did. But all of us were worried about Maggie. She got so much more attention than she did at home, that she seemed to like it much more.

"This place is just so creepy." I said to my siblings one day. "How can we stand this?"

"I know." Lisa answered. "Everything's just too weird here."

"They put honey on pancakes instead of maple syrup." Bart said as an example.

"They read _Newsweek _instead of nothing!" Lisa added.

"I'm not standing this for one minute!" I decided. "I'm going over to Tasha's. There's a party at Jo's that I forgot with all this fostering stuff and I have to plan the outfit and accessories, now my diamante headband's been taken."

Days went by. Life got worse by the hour. Basically, there wasn't anything necessarily bad about having the Flandereses fostering us, but everything was so conservative and dull. Rod and Todd were annoying little brats with squeaky voices. We couldn't watch TV after Bart got to watch his favourite show once and it practically traumatized the boys. Bedtime was at 7pm for all the 'kids' from Maggie to me. Seriously, being twelve years older than someone should give me a later schedule, like ten on weekdays, midnight on weekends. OK, well, maybe earlier, but you get my point. Worst of all, Maggie enjoyed being a part of the Flanders family. The rest of us Simpsons knew that Maggie was starting to forget Mom and Dad.

We talked about our family as we lay awake. "Remember how Mom used to microwave our clothes on cold days?" Bart said dreamily.

"And how Dad would phone the radio stations with fake traffic tips." Lisa giggled.

"I would kill just to be able to see them once a week." I sighed.

"But they're only a few feet away and we can't even talk to them." Lisa said in a melancholy way. "I wish I could tell them how much I miss them. Like that article I wrote."

"Hey, why don't I sneak out and give them the article?" I suggested. "I can do a replay of Halloween. Remember my ninja costume?"

"I'll be the ninja this time." Bart said. "They'll recognize the way I ring the doorbell." It was true. He had a special ring in the doorbell.

We watched out the window as Mom and Dad ran to the door and found Lisa's article, which Bart left partially under the doormat.

**The baptism will be in the next chapter! Review now and I'll update sooner! Also, review and tell me which episodes you want to see. I've got a few lined up, including a Christmas one, but I'll take suggestions if I know the episode.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Thanks for your review, Vitani825. OK, here's the baptism! Enjoy!**

The worst thing that happened during our time being fostered was on a Saturday evening. We were playing a Bible version of Bombardment. Since our real family counted themselves as being Christian, I was expecting to know something, but I didn't have a clue what the stories were about.

The boys already had answered most questions correctly, Maude had answered a couple, and even Maggie had been able to answer one by gestures, since she didn't talk. Lisa, Bart and I didn't even try. Finally, Ned lost it and exclaimed "Don't you kids know anything?" He reeled off some obscure things I'd never heard of.

"That's the type of thing you should start learning at Baptism!" Maude exclaimed.

"Well, the thing is..." Lisa began. "We were never baptized."

That gave the whole family a shock. Ned even rang Reverend Lovejoy for help. I heard his answer over the phone; "Have you ever thought of trying another religion? They're all pretty much the same..."

Ned put down the phone. "Well, I guess I'm just going to have to baptize you myself!" Would you believe he had all the equipment already?

"I'm too old!" I said quickly. "I'm thirteen."

"Thirteen isn't too old." dismissed Ned. "Twenty-one is adult, therefore you can still be baptized for eight years."

The three of us scowled. Maggie smiled happily from behind her pacifier.

Soon, we were all in the car, driving to Springfield Lake. Bart, Lisa, Maggie and I had white gowns at the ready, although it was relucant in most cases.

"Before you know it, you'll be part of the Flanders flock." Maude said cheerfully.

Bart laughed at Lisa. "You're gonna be Lisa Flanders!"

"You're gonna be Bart Flanders." Lisa muttered back darkly. Bart gave a cry of shock.

"Whatever happens, I'm never gonna lose my surname. I'll be Stephanie Simpson all my life," I muttered. "Even when I get married."

"Just relax, kids." Maude said. "Your sister Maggie isn't scared."

"We're not scared." I said scornfully. "We just want to hang on to our real beliefs. I'm not even Christian, and don't bother trying to convert me."

"Anyway, Maggie can't talk, so she can't say if she's scared." Bart pointed out.

But then Maggie took her pacifier out of her mouth and said clearly "Daddily doodily." She smiled at the three of us, and her smile was terrifyingly bright.

We were ready, dressed in the white gowns, standing ankle-deep in the lake.

"Who wants to be the first to enter God's good graces?" Ned asked. Bart and Lisa pointed at each other. I pointed at Maggie.

Then one of the boys spoke. "Isn't it customary for the eldest to be first?"

"Damn it." I muttered under my breath. Only Bart and Lisa heard me. "Wish me luck." I told them. Then I waded forward, cursing my role as older sister again and again.

I barely heard anything, waiting for my role as a non-Christian to be doomed forever. I only heard when a familiar yell broke my thoughts. I was pushed out of the way of the water that nearly hit me. I turned around.

"Dad!" Lisa, Bart and I yelled in unison. We ran to him, our real dad.

"You took my baptism!" I exclaimed. "Does it make any difference?"

"I'm sure that I feel it does. I feel as if I was...that Ozian guy who ran off with...that witch...chick. It is as if my eyes are opened for the first time. The bapism has helped me to see."

"Wait!" exclaimed Ned. "Homer, what did you just say?"

"I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!" Homer yelled at him. "And I said I felt like the boyfriend of that green chick who pretended to die." I giggled. It just went to show how influential _Wicked _was, even on people like Dad. (We'd all gone to see it when it was in Springfield. I'd liked it the most, but Lisa appreciated the independence of the heroine and musical numbers, Bart said the magic was pretty cool, Mom denounced pretty much everyone for something at least, and Dad pretty much stared at one of the actresses the whole time.)

"So you've got us back?" I asked.

"I've got the diploma of parenting at home." Dad assured us. He looked at the bank, where Maggie still stood. "Oh, there's my sweet little Maggie!" Our baby sister looked at us, but then at the Flandereses. She began to walk towards them, but stopped. Mom was walking towards us. Mom began to walk faster when she saw Maggie, who held her arms up.

Maggie's recognition of her real family was beautiful. Mom picked her up and spun her around in the air. She'd evidently realized how attached Maggie had become to our neighbours. "Oh, Maggie, you're a Simpson again." she smiled. And Maggie seemed to know how happy she was.

As I had said, my family was nuts, but I still loved them. The fostering was an eye-opener, when I only had two members of my family to turn to. Lisa had always annoyed me, being the talented teacher's pet. Though I had been closer to Bart, the tricks he played on me got on my nerves, although I didn't get the worst of them. Lisa and Dad were the most unlucky in the family. Mom, though I hated all her limits, was a wonderful parent in most ways. And I could always get around Dad, and as coarse and embarrassing as he was, I loved him like I loved all my family. I loved Maggie too, of course, but she hasn't really got a personality that I can comment on.

Anyway, we walked off into the sunset together, us six Simpsons together once again.

It was great to be home, and for about a week, we were the most functional we'd ever been since as far back as I could remember.

But life returned to normal around the time that I bought my new diamante headband.

**Quite short, I know. The next chapter will be just Simpsons randomness, instead of an episode. But keep voting on the poll!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Well, here's the chapter I promised, with Simpsonic craziness, with a certain Simpsonian music video thrown in, all musical rights to the late Michael Jackson. Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF.**

I was going into my room, and then I heard Bart's voice behind me. "Hey, Steph, what happened to your jeans?"  
"What?" I asked. "I-" I glanced down. There was a huge scarlet stain on my black jeans, like spray paint. I began screaming, thinking I'd brushed against a wet graffiti tag, until I realized Bart was laughing. I touched the stain. It was plastic. I ripped it off my jeans. Bart had put a fake stain on my jeans before I'd put them on that morning!

"Why you little brat!" I screeched. "You're gonna get it!" In a spontaneous burst of rage, I leapt at Bart, tackling him to the ground.

Silly me. I forgot that even though Bart was three years younger than me, he was stronger. He flipped us after a small struggle, pinning me to the ground. I struggled too, but I knew he'd overpowered me.

"Give up, sis?" Bart asked with a wicked smile.

"No way!" I yelled at him, still trying to get him off me.

"Face it, Steph." Bart smirked. "I'll always win these fights, cause I'm awesome like that. You give up, or you don't get up."

"I'm not giving up." I muttered through gritted teeth. "And by the way, if Mom finds us like that, you'll have to get off me."

At that, Bart did let go of me, but that was the second I knew that the Simpsons were dysfunctional again.

At Springfield Elementary, Bart was going to take part in some little dance, so I was dragged along with the rest of the family to watch that evening.

However, at first, Bart didn't seem to be there. It was boring.

"How can they consider this dancing? And this tune music?" I whispered to Lisa, who was on my right. After all, she was the only member of the family that really knew about musical things.

Lisa shrugged. "I don't know. They don't really appreciate music being creative. They don't like some of the things I've done that were unconventional."

Suddenly, the music changed. It was bouncy and bright, and it seemed familar. The kids stopped moving in confusion. After a loud whisper from the wings of "Keep going, keep going!" the kids shrugged and kept 'dancing'. Finally, after a little while, a fist appeared in the middle, and Bart stepped out of the crowd, improvising rap.

"_Yo! Hey, what's happenin', dude? I'm a guy with a rep for bein' rude._

_Terrorizin' people wherever I go, it's not intentional, just keepin' the flow..."_

He continued, obviously enjoying the attention. As he talked, I realized the rap wasn't improvised. I knew the music was familiar! Bart had been playing it at some point in his room, and this was a rap he'd come up with.

"..._that's the Bartman." _Bart finished saying.

Suddenly, three kids stepped out as Bart finished the first verse and began singing a chorus. Bart kept commenting as they sang. "Whoa! Turn it out, man! Bartman! Uh-huh! Whoa, mama!"

Then he started rapping again as everyone danced out of the auditorium. "_It wasn't long ago, just a couple of weeks, I got in trouble, yeah pretty deep._

_My sisters were yellin', Mom and Dad too, because I put mothballs in their beef stew_

_Punishment time in the air lurks gloom, sittin' by myself confined to my room_

_When all else fails nothing else left to do, I turned on the music so I could feel the groove..."_

I knew the next bit, cause he'd played it so many times. I couldn't resist joining in.

"_Move your body if you've got the notion, front to back in a rock-like motion!" _I sang.

"Swing it!" called out Bart.

"_Move your hips, from side to side now, don't you stop, let your feet glide now!" _I continued.

"_If you've got the groove you gotta use it, rock with it in time to the music_

_You just might start a chain reaction-"_

"_If you can do the Bart, you're bad like Michael Jackson." _Bart finished. I ran over and when I grabbed his hands, he swung me around. Then I began to copy him as he danced like crazy.

We were out on the streets, dancing. Most of the dancers were kids. It seemed to have gone on for hours. Yet in reality, we were still in the school auditorium, just dancing. The music had swept all of Springfield into a frenzy of rhythm.

Suddenly, I heard Dad yell "Turn it down! Will you stop that infernal racket?"

"_Do the Bartman!" _we all yelled back.

Then an unmistakable sound played. A jazzy tune from a saxophone. "Oh! My ears!" Bart cried dramatically. Our little sister was playing her sax. "Lisa, put that saxophone away!" He soon sent her away. "I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything."

A group of teens dancing glared at Bart, waiting for him to rap. He thought for a moment, then improvised "_Now I'm in the house, feelin' good to be home, till Lisa starts blowin' that damn saxophone._

_And if it was mine you know they'd take it away, but still I'm feelin' good, so that's OK_

_I'm up in my room, just a-singin' a song, listen to the sound, just kickin' along_

_Yeah, Lisa likes jazz, Steph's pop's number-one fan, but you know I'm bad cause I do the Bartman."_

"I'll yell at you for that later." I muttered and continued to dance. This was actually the most fun I'd had as a teenager. I couldn't let go like this usually.

Suddenly, it stopped. Bart was yanked back into his place by his teacher. We were in the auditorium again. "You're grounded!" Dad yelled. The music went back to be tuneless and uninspired.

On driving home, Mom and Dad weren't too pleased with Bart for what he'd done, but Lisa and I praised him for it. I thought it was way cool.

"I like the way you rebelled against conformity, but why do you do it while you can get into trouble?" Lisa asked.

"Lise, I do it to get into trouble." Bart said carelessly.

I grinned at Bart. "First, excellent stunt. Teach me the song, please?" I said. "And second, why were you implying that pop music wasn't good by saying I was the number-one fan and comparing it to Lisa's love of jazz?"

"Seriously, Steph, do you always take offence at everything?" Bart teased. "Yeah, I'll give you the music to the rap about how awesome I am. I have one more rap up my sleeve."  
"Good, cause I would hate that to be the last one." I said, jokingly but truthfully.

**That's the end of this one! Next will be another episode.**


	7. Chapter 6

**I'm back! Happy to be doing this episode. I know this one is even more far-fetched than the original, but the second act will especially have some fun stuff. Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF, robyn559 and bloody alanna.**

Sure, a song and dance routine about Bart is pretty crazy, but what happened with Lisa is much more strange, believe me. Bet you didn't expect that? Lisa's the smart girl, the one who knows what's happening and where she's going. Well, this time she screwed up epically.

It started when she began babysitting. She started with Rod and Todd next door, and she did so well that the Flandereses recommended her to everyone in town. She made a lot of money.

"You got that all for sitting around and watching TV and eating food?" Bart marvelled.

"There's a lot more to it than that, Bart." Lisa answered. "I don't just babysit, I sell piece of mind for a dollar an hour. Two dollars after nine o'clock."

"You're so whimsical, little sis." I remarked. "You mean you actually hang out with the kid instead of just watching them. You're really just a kid yourself."

"But everyone thinks I'm responsible enough to look after their kids. Eight years is just the amount of time I've been on the Earth." Lisa pointed out. "They think I'm really mature for my age."

Barely two weeks after Lisa began babysitting, Mom and Dad were going out to a party on the waterfront, just the two of them. I'd actually overheard them saying that they weren't getting a babysitter.

"She can be in charge, and it's free of charge." I heard Dad say. "She's more responsible than anyone else in the family, or any babysitter."

As our parents descended the stairs, all dressed up, we waited to hear it.

"You look so glamourous, Mom!" Lisa exclaimed.

"Dad, you look totally classy!" Bart added.

"Can you see the pie stains?" Dad asked worriedly. He'd been eating pizza in his suit the day before.

"It'll be dark." Lisa said.

"So when's Grampa getting here to babysit?" Bart asked.

I stepped in. "We're not having someone babysitting for us-"

"Yes, that's what I was about to say." Mom said nervously. "Actually, Lisa's going to be in charge tonight."

"_What?" _Bart and I both shouted.

"I know she's young," Mom continued. "But she has proved herself mature and dependable."

"I'm the oldest!" I exclaimed. "You can't put an eight-year-old in authority over me!"

"You can't be serious!" Bart cried, trying to appeal to Dad.

"Take it like a man, boy, and do everything your little sister says." Dad ordered.

"This is an outrage!" Bart yelled. "I am two years and thirty-eight days older than she is! This is the greatest injustice in the history of the world!"

"Well, we have to run, I'm sure you kids will work things out, goodnight." Mom said, walking out. She popped her head back in and said "Make sure they get to bed on time, Lisa. Don't let them stay up." The door closed behind our parents, and Bart and I fixed glares on a nervously smiling Lisa.

We soon realized how patronizing Lisa was.

"I know neither of you are wild about having me for a babysitter, but I'm not some ogre. I think you will find me fair and fun." she said, heating up the food for dinner.

"You're dead." Bart informed her.

"You should wash up for dinner," Lisa continued in her babysitter's voice. "To make it fun you can use the Mr Bubble. It'll be like giving your fingers a bubble bath."

"I'm not!" I snapped. "Mom and Dad never make us wash up, so why should I start now?"  
Lisa continued to talk in her babysitting voice. "I'm in charge, Stephanie, so you should go and wash up, please."

"I'm older than you." I answered. "If Mom and Dad are going out, maybe I'll just go over to Tasha's or something." I was bluffing. Tasha wasn't even in Springfield that weekend, but I didn't realize that Lisa knew that, although I did know that Tasha's little brother was in Lisa's class at school.

Things got worse over dinner. It started with Bart asking for lima beans. Only after he asked for more the fifth time did Lisa stop giving them to him.

"Uh, maybe you should eat the ones you have."

Bart pushed his plate away. "I didn't say I wanted to eat them, I just wanted to look at them because they're so gross. What's for dessert?"

Lisa sighed, getting out coffee ice cream. "Bart, if you don't want to have a babysitter, maybe you should stop being such a baby."

"Oh, you think I'm a baby, huh? Well, then I'll act like a baby." When Bart dribbled ice cream on purpose, I had to comment, and make the babysitter look bad at the same time.

"OK, Bart, that's just gross." I informed him. "Shouldn't you be handling him, Lisa?"

"I'm_ trying_." Lisa snapped. "It's not usually this hard."

"Oh, poor naïve little sister." I sighed sarcastically shaking my head. "Well, you're the one in charge."

As if that wasn't enough, Maggie started crying, and Bart cheered her up by giving her some of the ice cream.

"That's coffee ice-cream!" Lisa exclaimed. "It has caffeine in it!" Sure enough, Maggie was wide-eyed and wide awake.

"Guess that'll make things more interesting for you now, won't it?" Bart said calmly.

While Maggie began to create havoc for Lisa, Bart started making prank calls while he was supposed to get ready for bed. While that happened, I started making a list of everything that was going wrong to explain why I should've been the one in charge.

Finally, Lisa came downstairs as Bart and I were watching TV. "OK, Bart, now it's really time for you to go to bed." she said, glancing at the clock. "You should be getting ready for bed by now, Stephanie."

"Shouldn't little girls go to bed before their teenage sisters?" I pointed out coolly.

Lisa gritted her teeth and replied "I'm the babysitter, and I say it's time for you – and Bart – to go to bed."

At that moment the doorbell rang. "I'll answer it, you two go to bed." Lisa ordered.

I laughed when a group of men came in with a giant sub sandwich, a result of one of the calls Bart made.

"What else did you do?" I whispered to Bart.

"Wait and see." Bart chuckled quietly.

Next came Krusty the Clown, who had been hired for a bachelor party, apparently. He wouldn't leave until he got paid. "I get five hundred just for 'hey hey'." he said.

There were more and more people, and Lisa lost her temper. "None of you should be here! You've all been tricked!" she cried.

Finally, all of them left, including Krusty, and Lisa turned to Bart. "I know this was your doing. Stephanie doesn't make prank calls. You are gonna be in so much trouble when Mom and Dad get home. Now, both of you, go to bed!"

Bart immediately went to _bread_, and I looked on, amused. When Lisa specified bed, he started jumping on Mom and Dad's bed.

"Go to YOUR bed!" Lisa yelled.

"Make me." Bart replied. He kept jumping just out of Lisa's reach.

He jumped too far. Wobbled on the top of the stairs, fell, and lay at the foot.

Lisa was stunned into silence. Maggie's mouth dropped open. I ran down the stairs, hoping Bart was OK.

**That's the second act! The last one will be in the next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 7

**OK, I'm back! Here's the final part of "My Sister, My Sitter". Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF and bloody alanna.**

Remember how I said Lisa screwed up on this? Well, you haven't seen anything yet! It gets much worse, believe me.

"Bart, are you OK?" Lisa whispered, running down to join me.

Bart opened his eyes. "Yeah, it's just a bump on my head." A prominent bruise was forming, but worse, his arm dangled at a weird angle.

Lisa had noticed it too. "It's got extra corners!" she exclaimed.

"Cool." Bart grinned at it. "It must be dislocated or something."

"We have to get you to the emergency room." Lisa said.

"And get this fixed? What's the rush?" Bart asked calmly, with a malicious look in his eyes. "Don't you want everyone to see what a responsible babysitter you were?" He waved his broken arm right in front of Lisa's face, making her step back.

"Stop it!" she cried. "Stand still, maybe I can pop it back in."

Bart took hold of my wrist with his other hand and began walking up the stairs, with me struggling to make him let go. As I said before, for a little kid, he was really strong. "Oh no, I'm going to preserve the evidence until Mom and Dad get home. And you'll never babysit again!" He yelled the last part, then pulled me into his room and locked the door.

"What the _hell?" _I exclaimed. "You're not seriously going to leave the arm? Lisa's right, you have to get medical attention."

Bart sighed. "Steph, I thought you'd understand. I'm not having my little sister babysitting me. I thought you hated having her over you too."

"They'd probably put me in charge before you, you know." I told him.

"Yeah, but Lisa's all bossy and patronizing. You'd be a much cooler sitter." Bart claimed. I couldn't help smiling at that, but I was still a little worried. That still conflicted with my annoyance at Lisa's babysitting.

Meanwhile, Lisa was trying to get in. I could hear her calling from the other side.

"If you come out, I'll let you eat raw cookie dough!" she said desperately. "I'll let you...ride the lawnmower through the house! Come on, open the door!" she pounded on the door. Bart immediately began to hit his head on the door repeatedly. I tried to pull him away, but he tore away from me.

"I'm gonna make the lump even bigger!" he explained.

"No!" screamed Lisa. "As your babysitter, I order you to stop hitting your head!" Bart fell unconsious. I unlocked the door.

"Bart's gone too far." I stated. "I'm not gonna blame you for this one, Lisa. But go call an ambulance and I'll stay with Bart and watch Maggie."

A minute later, Lisa ran up. "Because of Bart's prank call, they won't come. We'll have to go to Dr Nick's clinic."

"That quack?" I said incredulously. "Why can't we call Dr Hibbert, like we always do?" Dr Hibbert had been our family doctor since before I was born. Dr Nick Riviera had treated Dad when he had had a triple heart attack, but Lisa had confided that she had helped him a lot.

"He'll tell Mom and Dad, and they won't let me babysit again." explained Lisa. "I've never been such a success at anything out of school! It even says in his ad that he's as good as Dr Hibbert!"

I let her have her way. She put Bart in a wheelbarrow, the wide-awake Maggie in a cat cage, and we had to push the barrow a long way. Even so, we didn't get to go to Dr Nick when we got to the clinic. We had to start making our way to the ambulance. Bart fell out of the wheelbarrow on the way into a muddy watery ditch. Us sisters had to follow him.

Lisa tried to pick Bart up, whispering "Oh, I'm sorry, Bart. This is all like a nightmare."

Suddenly a light shone on us, and Mayor Quimby's voice rang out from a microphone above. "Citizens of Springfield, I hearby proclaim – what the hell is that?" The townspeople turned and the elementary school principal was the one to speak.

"Why, it's Lisa Simpson and is that her sister, Stephanie? And look what they're doing!"

I must admit, we looked very guilty.

"They've murdered their brother!' cried Maude Flanders.

"And they're trying to dump the body in the harbour!" exclaimed Lenny Leonard, one of Dad's mates from work.

"Well, duh." said Otto, the school bus driver.

"And as a grim finale," Krusty the Clown's sidekick, Sideshow Mel, said "They intend to drown that poor caged baby!" Maggie waved to the public.

By that time, Lisa was obviously exhausted. "Oh, what's happening? Where am I?" she mumbled. I put an arm around her, worried about my little sister.

"And one of them is on drugs!" screamed Reverend Lovejoy's wife, Helen.

To my horror, Mom and Dad stepped out of the crowd. Dad held his hand out to Lisa. "Give me the drugs, Lisa." he said sternly.

"Dad, I am not on drugs!" Lisa insisted truthfully. "I was just-"

She was cut off by a cry from Mom, who rushed to the unconsious Bart. "Oh, his arm! Oh, my special little guy! Is he OK?"

Dr Hibbert had a look at him. "Hm...dislocated shoulder, bump on the noggin. My diagnosis...rather nasty fall...caused by bad babysitting!" He pointed at Lisa, and I realized that this was why she'd been so scared of contacting him.

However, Lisa's babysitting business didn't seem to be ruined. She still got calls. It seemed she was the only sitter in town. Bart apologized to her, and I did too. But Mom and Dad seemed to have learnt their lesson; never put an eight-year-old girl in charge of a thirteen-year-old girl, a ten-year-old boy, and a baby girl.

**Well, that's one more done! Next a feel-good family episode will come up!**


	9. Chapter 8

**OK, here's the next episode. Enjoy! Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF and Vitani825. (This episode is from Season 1, and it's called "The Call Of The Simpsons".)**

Well, the next adventure was like out of a bad reality show. But I have to admit, it was funny seeing Dad freak with the beehive that time. Plus we all made it out alive. Anyway, I should tell you.

It all started with an RV we got. Dad had been jealous of next door's wonderful RV, so a smooth-talking salesman easily tricked Dad into buying a really old crappy van. I mean, Dad would've at least discussed it with us if the man hadn't talked him out of it, but in the end, he didn't. So to celebrate it, Dad took the rest of us off on a camping holiday that none of us wanted to go on.

When he started driving the van through water, I was appalled. My favourite sandals were getting soaked. "It's official." I whispered to Bart. "Homer Simpson is officially insane." Bart laughed.

"Think we should stop here?" Dad finally asked.

"Yes!" Mom, my siblings and I chorused. Dad stopped the van. It lurched up and down, and we started screaming.

We were on the ledge of a cliff, and had to slip out straightaway. Finally, the van toppled over the cliff with the lessened weight, taking our luggage with it.

"The Simpsons have entered the forest." Lisa announced flatly.

Dad acted like everything was OK for a bit. He did go off for a few seconds to pity himself, but then he helped make a shelter, and told Mom, Lisa, Maggie and I to stay while he and Bart went to find help.

"I'm coming too." I said firmly. "Someone with sense needs to stick with you two."

"Whatever." Dad shrugged. I walked off with the guys.

After an hour, Dad peeled back a fern. "Through here, kids. Back to civilization!"

"And you know this because..."

"You get a feel for these. Like a third sense."

"Sixth sense." I muttered under my breath. And he was wrong. We immediately fell down a waterfall, where my black jeans and my black T-shirt with _Wicked _printed on it (_Wicked _T-shirts are my exception to my gothic style) were pulled off. However, I fared better than Bart and Dad.

I pulled myself onto a bank, when I heard a wail. "Bart! And Stephanie too! My beautiful kids! Why couldn't you have taken me?" I heard Dad scream. "Of all the fates in heaven and earth, why did this one befall me?"

"Don't have a cow, Dad." called a calm voice from across the river.

"And I'm here too." I added. But both Bart and Dad had lost all of their clothes. At least I had a bra and underwear on. But oh well, we couldn't be picky that day. Bart and Dad had to wear ferns and moss.

"I am so hungry." Bart complained. "Can't we eat something now? I'm starving, man."

"Ah, food." Dad agreed. "Good thinking, son!" He tied a knot with a sapling.

"What are we gonna do?" Bart asked flatly. "Hang ourselves? You can go first, Steph."

"No!" snapped Dad. "This is a trap. It's gonna catch us our dinner. Come on, kids." He put a leaf inside the sapling. We waited behind a bush, and soon a wild rabbit appeared, and took the bait. Dad flipped up the sapling, and the rabbit...probably flew back to where Mom and Lisa were.

Subsequent attempts to get food didn't work. In the end, we tried to get to sleep in the shiver-worth temperature.

"We should conserve body heat by clinging together." I pointed out.

"Oh no!" Dad said firmly. "The only person I'll cuddle with like that is your mother!"

"Bart?" I asked calmly. "It's innocent."

My brother shook his head. "Sorry, Steph. I don't want to sleep next to my sister in such skimpy clothing."

I sighed. "If I get flu or anything like that, it's your fault. 'Night." I curled up and tried to sleep, but it was very light and fitful.

The next day was worse. The three of us walked along. Bart would keep asking "Are we there yet?"

Dad would keep answering "Just a little further."

Finally, came the beehive scene. Dad decided to get the honey from the hive but ended up getting stung in the mouth. By the time he was recovered, he was covered in mud from a swamp he fell into. I could barely stop laughing at the time, but I soon went back into depression once it was over.

"We're lost." I announced ominously. "We'll be lucky to live for the next month here, and we'll never get back to Springfield. At least, that's what I foresee"

As we talked, suddenly, Dad sniffed. "Hey, is that food?" He walked right up to where the source was, along with Bart. I followed cautiously, only to find that we had walked right into the lair of four grizzly bears.

"What do we do, Dad?" Bart asked nervously.

"Praise the grizzlies." All three of us backed away. But then a familiar person came forward.

"Maggie!" cried Dad. "Oh, my little girl!" My baby sister had been living with the bears. She seemed to explain something to them as she sucked her pacifier, then waved and walked off with us.

We were almost back to civilization. A boy called out something, and men ran past...and caught Dad in a net.

"We got him!" called out the boy. "We got Bigfoot!"

Before I could process this, a forest ranger walked up to Bart, Maggie and I. "You're lucky we got here in time to rescue you!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bart demanded.

"He's not Bigfoot!" I cried. "He's our dad! He's just covered in mud!"

But they wouldn't listen to us, and Dad got sent to a lab for a few weeks, before they let him go, unable to decide whether he was a stupid human or an intelligent animal. Nothing good came out of our trip.

"I am never going on a trip like that again." I claimed to Lisa when we got home. "If Dad gets any other crazy ideas, I'll ask Laura if I can stay at hers." Laura Powers and her mom lived in the neighbourhood, and Laura was in my year at school. I sometimes hung out with her, although not when Bart was around, because he had a huge crush on her, even now.

The call of the forest wasn't going to call me there again, and I was thrilled to have survived.

**Season 1 episode out of the way! Fabulous! Review, and give me episode suggestions! Just describe an episode and I'll say if I can do it. (I already have "Two Dozen And One Greyhounds" and "Bart vs Thanksgiving" lined up, but apart from that, anything I know goes.)**


	10. Chapter 9

**OK, this one will be a bit off-scale mad, but the beloved episode "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds" will be fun. Thanks for your reviews, Vitani825 and KittyKatBFF. Great ideas for stories, will definitely use them after the next two episodes.**

After that nightmare vacation, it was autumn break and we were off school. That was when our dog, Santa's Little Helper, got a girlfriend. He'd been a racedog originally, but one Christmas the owner decided he didn't want him anymore because he kept coming last. Bart and Dad were there, and Bart persuaded Dad to take him home. That was our main Christmas present, except for a couple of token things. I got cool fingerless gloves.

Anyway, we went to the racetrack, and SLH saw a dog called She's The Fastest, and they fell in love. The owner, for some reason, didn't want her any more, so we got her. The inevitable happened – they had puppies. Not just a few. Twenty-five!

I got to name five, so only five puppies had cool non-conventional names. I called them Sweet Destruction, Statement, Black Star, Deathly Beautiful, and Pink Bones. They were adorable, in spite of the gothic-girl names they got. I could only tell my five apart from the others, because like us Simpsons, the ones who named them seemed to follow their attitude. Well, my five did. Within a few days, they were all over my style and hanging around my jewellery, too.

But after a few weeks, all the puppies lived up to the name I gave Sweet Destruction. All Bart's socks were destroyed within a short period of time. The puppies took Dad's chips before he could eat them. Lisa found the dogs ate her homework. My trainers' laces disappeared repeatedly and we had to buy a total of forty new ones in a week. We didn't have anywhere to put the puppies anyway. SLH was enough, and he was pretty destructive too, though not as much since the puppies were born.

"Your mother and I have been thinking about giving the puppies away." Dad told us.

Bart and Lisa began to protest.

"Mainly your mother." Dad said quickly.

"Is this what happens in this family?" Lisa cried. "When someone becomes an inconvenience we get rid of them?"

"Like Grampa, shoved in the old people's institution?" I said dryly. "Yeah. But I love the puppies, even though they're annoying."

Mom and Dad agreed to give the puppies one last chance. It lasted for a couple of hours, until a couple of the puppies spoilt a dinner party that was vital to succeed for Dad.

So the puppies had to go. But they hated being split up. It was clear that we couldn't keep them happy and have them bought by different people, but we couldn't keep them all (although I was hoping we could at least keep one, most hopefully the well-behaved ultra-cool Deathly Beautiful. She was so cool!).

"Who can take all of them?" I wondered.

Just I thought that, Dad's boss, Charles Montgomery "Monty" Burns, offered to buy all of them. But there was something about the way he was acting was off. After all, everyone knew that Mr Burns was the most evil man in Springfield, and also the oldest. He wouldn't be able to handle twenty-five puppies if we couldn't. He did have his loyal assistant, Mr Smithers, but if a family couldn't handle them, he probably couldn't, either. And the smirk on his face made us distrustful of him straight way.

"Don't give the puppies to him." Lisa whispered to Mom and Dad. "He'll be mean to them."

For once, I agreed with my little sister. "She's right." I said. "I don't think his motives are good from the way he's acting."

"There's something about his face I don't trust." Mom agreed. She was right. Mr Burns was about a hair away from doing a cartoon-villain maniacal laugh.

Dad nervously relayed our message about not having the puppies, sugar-coating it, then asking "Am I fired?". He wasn't, but a day later, we found the puppies were gone.

The police looked for them, but finally, they said "I don't think we're ever going to find your greyhounds. Maybe Mr Burns will sell you one of the twenty-five he got last night."

"How dare he!" I fumed after they'd gone. "What does he want with them? He doesn't even like animals!"

"I think we better spy at his mansion tonight." Bart said. "You in?"

"Definitely." Lisa and I said. As much as I was sick of buying new shoelaces, I didn't want my cuties mistreated in any way. Maybe it was just fate, or maybe it was a stupid thing to do, naming one of the dogs Sweet Destruction, but that's what they created; sweet destruction. But I loved them just as much as my siblings did.

We went to spy through the windows, climbing over the gate and up the ivy. But none of us could've been more surprised at first. The puppies seemed happy enough and Mr Burns was treating them nicely, mostly. One puppy even stood on his hind legs and smiled. It was one of mine – Statement. Burns seemed thrilled from what we could see and hear. As he walked into another room, Lisa said "Maybe we were wrong about Burns on this one." We sneaked to the next window, where the room was full of clothes.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this, sir?" Mr Smithers was asking. "You do have a very full wardrobe as it is." What was he talking about?

"Yes." Mr Burns smirked. "But not completely full. You see-" he began singing! "_Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food._

_The only thing I'm hunting for...is an outfit that looks good." _Was he saying what I thought he was?

Bart, Lisa and I watched, spellbound, as Mr Burns performed a whole musical number about clothes made from animal skins. But we were able to hear the key line: "_But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best"_

Lisa gasped. "He's gonna make a tuxedo out of our puppies!"

Bart was still humming the tune of his song, which was actually off-key. "Bart!" Lisa and I yelled.

"Sorry." Bart shrugged. "You gotta admit, it's catchy."

I smirked to myself. "It's catchy and deadly."

But Burns wasn't going to put Statement in the tux, just the twenty-four others. He liked Statement, because of the trick of standing on his hind legs. But nevertheless, we had to get the dogs out.

**Next we have a twist, so stay tuned and REVIEW!**


	11. Chapter 10

**Next part of the episode. Hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF.**

We sneaked over to the other puppies and slipped into the room, hoping to get them out of the house. They started yapping in excitement on seeing us, and we shushed them frantically.

"We'll get them out the window." Bart began, picking up a dog whose name I forget.

"No, Bart! What are you doing?" Lisa exclaimed, blocking the window before he could drop one of the puppies out the window.

"Dogs always land on their feet!"

"That's cats!"

"No, it's dogs."

"It's cats." I told Bart.

"I'll prove it to you." Bart said, holding the puppy up a small distance, then dropping it. It didn't land on its feet, needless to say. It landed on its _back._

"We don't have time!" I hissed.

"The laundry chute!" Lisa suggested. She grabbed Bart's socks and threw them down the chute, and the puppies followed.

"I'm not sure I'd fit!" I whispered. The door began to open as Lisa made her escape. Burns and Smithers appeared, Burns holding Statement, which he had called "Monty" after himself. Bart followed her, smirking.

"Sorry, Monty, but you're too big for this ride." he smirked. I slid after him quickly.

We got to the laundry room in good time. "Quick!" cried Lisa. "Let's get the-"

"Going somewhere?" Burns and Smithers were already blocking our way out. I screamed in frustration.

"That's impossible!" Bart exclaimed. "How did you get here first?"

"Oh, there'll be plenty of time for explanations later." Burns said calmly. "For now I'll be taking my puppies back."

"But they're ours! You stole them from us!" Lisa accused.

Burns handed her a cordless phone. "Here's a phone. Call somebody who cares." Lisa began to dial 911 before Burns snatched it back. "Now if you'll excuse us, children, the pups have a date with a fashion knife!" He chuckled cruelly at his own joke.

"You are not skinning _our _dogs!" I said harshly. "I'm going to find some red paint as soon as we get the puppies to safety. Oh, and by the way, I'm not a child. I'm thirteen."  
Burns laughed at us. "You're just little children – and yes, thirteen is still the age of a child. You can't stop me." I scoffed angrily at him. I hated being called a child. Hadn't this old-timer ever heard of teenagers?

Bart lunged at him and put Statement with the other puppies. "There! Now you don't know which one's little Monty! If you don't want him to be part of your tuxedo, I guess you'll have to let the other dogs go too!"

"It's Statement." I muttered under my breath.

Burns sneered at Bart. "Nice try!" He called to Statement. "Come on, stand up! Do your trick!" Statement soon did it.

But suddenly, the other puppies began to copy him. I gasped and looked up. Socks hung above them.

I sneered at the shocked Burns. "This can't be happening!" he exclaimed. "They're all standing! I can't tell them apart!" He sighed. "All right, you win. I'll have to kill them all." He lifted a gun that I hadn't realized he had.

Then he suddenly stopped. "But they're so wretchedly adorable! Twenty-five little Rory Calhouns." I didn't recognize the name, but if he wouldn't kill the puppies, I was happy.

"I can't do it." Burns said. For one moment it seemed like everything was OK. But then he pointed the gun at us. "But I can kill you."

Lisa squeaked in fear. Now I knew what it felt like to be Bart on the houseboat back then. He was the only one under threat then, and I wasn't too scared, but this time, it was all three of us.

I panicked, but was able to lunge at Burns and knock the gun out of his hands. I picked it up and pointed the gun. "Now you can't kill any of us!" I yelled at him. "I can prove to the police that you tried to kill us now. Ditto the puppies." I put the gun in my pocket.

Burns' eyes narrowed. "Give that back now."

"No." I said coolly, matching his tone. "You said you'd kill us."

"I can't! Look at you three, standing there, you're all like little Rory Calhouns. I can't kill you or the puppies." I met his cold old eyes and read them carefully. I could see sincerity, and then I took the most stupid risk I've ever done.

"OK. " I _gave the gun back._

"I hope you've understood the folly of killing helpless animals for fashion." Lisa spoke up.

"Oh, I have, I have!" claimed Mr Burns. "I swear I'll never wear any clothing made from an animal...that can do an amusing trick."

The puppies ended up growing into wonderful greyhounds that took after their mother, who lived up to her name of She's The Fastest. Burns got to keep them, of course, making Dad really depressed that he got all the money. For days after, the only thing he found fun was batting a lightbulb around in the basement and watching it swing.

At least the puppies had a good home and were together, although I never got to see them again. She's The Fastest disappeared soon after the puppies were born, but we still had Santa's Little Helper, I guess.

**There, that's the end of that episode! Review and say what episode you want next!**


	12. Chapter 11

**This episode...hmmm. Well, since Thanksgiving is this month, I thought I'd have a go at the episode about it, even though my country doesn't celebrate it. Thanks for reviewing, Vitani825, KittyKatBFF and PariahHomuculus. I will do "Selma's Choice", and "Who Shot Mr Burns" after this episode, I promise.**

It was Thanksgiving, my least favourite holiday. It wasn't fun or anything. OK, I liked pumpkin pie and turkey, but I didn't like parades, and it was a family thing, meaning we had Grampa Simpson (Dad's dad), Grandma Bouvier (Mom's mom), as well as Mom's older sisters, Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma. Yeah, family time. Huh.

Bart and Lisa were fighting over something while Dad was watching TV and Mom was getting the meal ready. I picked up Maggie and started chatting to her about how sucky Thanksgiving holiday was.

Finally "Shut up, you two!" I yelled at Bart and Lisa.

"But she's got my glue!" Bart said.

"It's not yours! It's family glue!" Lisa protested. "You only want it cause I've got it."

"Prove it!"

"Here, take it, Bart."

"Hey, I don't want it."

"Well, just quit arguing!" I snapped. "It's doing my head in, and besides, it's stupid Thanksgiving and we're supposed to be nice to each other. Not that I care, but your fighting kills what little meaning this holiday's ever had. It's enough to put me off America for life."

It turned out that Lisa wanted the glue for a centerpiece she was making. It was in our room at the moment. "Hey, Stephanie, wanna come up and help? It stands for feminism. Bring Maggie up too." she said.

"Whatever." I muttered, following her up to our room. I didn't bother helping her, though, even though Maggie did. But I had to admit, when she brought the centerpiece into the dining room when the whole family was seated at the table, it was pretty good, for an eight-year-old. Well, Bart was getting the turkey, but everyone else was impressed. Art was usually my thing, but I usually did two-dimensional things, like sketches and paintings. This sculpture was brilliant.

"Always said she was gifted." Aunt Patty remarked.

"Definitely from our side of the family, right, Mom?" Aunt Selma said to Grandma, who had laryngitis.

"Leave me alone." she whispered.

Bart came in with the turkey and immediately asked "What is that thing?"

"It's the centerpiece, Bart." Lisa informed him.

"Well, it's using up valuable real estate."

Mom tried to move it around to get the turkey to fit, but it didn't stop my brother and sister fighting over the centerpiece to get room.

"You're wrecking it!" shrieked Lisa as Bart tried to pull the centerpiece off the table. "Let go! I worked for ever on this!"

Lisa wasn't as strong as me, and Bart was stronger than both of us. After a struggle, he got the centerpiece, and it went into the fireplace, which hadn't been working during Dad's attempts to get it working, but now it flared up.

Lisa screamed.

"Hey, that got it going!" exclaimed Grampa.

Lisa rushed to save her centrepiece, but it was soon in ashes. "_Bart_!" she screamed, running at him. "You don't even care! You don't even care!"

Eventually Mom and Dad had to pull them apart. Immediately Mom let Lisa go, she ran up to our room in tears.

Bart had gone too far this time. "I hope you're happy." I said. "Thanksgiving is crappy enough without you turning Lis into an emotional hose."

Bart was sent up to his room, in spite of his protests. "Mom, do I have to?"

"Yes, you do!" Mom said angrily. "You've ruined Thanksgiving!" Bart went up to his room obediently, muttering.

"I'm not staying here with this atmostphere," I began to say.

"No, Stephanie." Mom said firmly. "You have no reason to leave."

Soon, we could hear the sound of Lisa playing her prized saxophone, even more mournfully than usual. "Maybe I should talk to them." Mom sighed.

"Mom, I think they would listen to me more than you." I said quickly, wanting to get away from this uncomfortable atmostphere.

"Maybe you're right." Mom sighed. "Tell Lisa she can come down whenever she wants to. Don't go into Bart's room, but tell him he can come down when he's ready to apologize to Lisa, and that he has to apologize in front of everyone and mean it."

I sighed to myself and went upstairs. I knocked on the door Lisa and I shared. "Hey, Lis?" I called, going in. "Look, your food's getting cold. You can come down. Bart's in his room."

I didn't look at her, but I could hear her stifle a sob. "I don't care. Things like this always happen in this family."

"Don't I know it, sis." I teased. "I don't blame you if you don't want to join us. I don't want to be there either. I guess I'll see you later."

I didn't bother just knocking on Bart's door. I walked in. "Hey, Bart?" I said. "Mom says you can come down when you're ready to apologize to Lisa. You have to apologize with everyone witnessing, and Mom said you have to mean it."

"What for?" exclaimed Bart. "I just wanted the table clear for the turkey. Do they think they can starve an apology out of me? I'm not having it! I'm going out." He then jumped out the window to the tree next to our house and climbed down from there.

I didn't think Bart was being fair – after all, if he'd destroyed my art, I'd stop speaking to him. But I wanted out of the festive hellhole called Simpson's Thanksgiving, and I decided to come with.

"Hey, wait for me!" I called. I followed Bart easily, and we both sneaked off, with SLH deciding to follow us.

**Review!**


	13. Chapter 12

**Coming up next, Thanksgiving on the wrong side of the tracks. By the way, the **_**stupidus twerpicus **_**is not mine. Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF.**

"OK, first order, get Thanksgiving dinner." Bart announced. He stopped at Burns' house and tried to get food there. I stayed out, but couldn't stop him.

When he managed to get out alive, I couldn't help but play the role of big sister, again. "You, Bart Simpson, are a _stupidus twerpicus. _I thought there was only one of those left alive. Oh yeah, it's you."

Bart scowled. "We'll get something, even if we have to pay for it."

I giggled at that. "Oh, good one."

"I'm serious."

"No you're not. We didn't bring any money." I pointed out. Bart gave me a deliberate glare. "OK, OK, I've got some dough." I admitted truthfully, although it was only a couple of bucks. But I knew somewhere where I could get free food. "We're gonna go somewhere I sometimes go with my friends."

It was true. Tasha lived really near to the place, and one of our gang, Azure claimed she went there on Saturday nights, although sheltered Sunshine shivered and said it was dark and dull and the most despicable people hung around there, and Laura said she wouldn't go there if you paid her, and her mom wouldn't let her anyway. But another friend, Mel, always hung around here. She would be with her family today, but I knew my way around, due to her.

"Cool, the wrong side of the tracks!" Bart exclaimed as I led him to downtown Springfield. "Hey, twelve dollars for blood!" he exclaimed, seeing a sign in the window. "I've got enough litres to sell."

I didn't stop him. He got the dough and a free biscuit, but he seemed pretty faint. Finally, he passed out.

Luckily I'd taken a first aid course a year ago. I stemmed the flow of blood quickly.

I suddenly heard a voice behind me. "Is the kid OK?" I turned to see a couple of bums looking down at me and Bart. They seemed relatively harmless, but I was wary, due to another guy that Mel and Tasha and I had met one time. He hadn't managed to get any of us, because Mel had kicked him in the balls and we'd run for it, but still, that made me a little more careful than I usually am.

"He just sold some blood." I explained quickly. "He'll be fine." Bart opened his eyes at that point. "Uh..what happened?" he murmured.

"You sold blood and fainted." I answered. The two hobo guys led us into one of those places where they give homeless people food.

"Hey, look, Bart!" I hissed, spotting Kent Brockman from the news with a camera crew.

"He's doing one of the 'be thankful for what you got' specials." one of the bums explained. It seemed true.

Then, he walked over to the table where Bart and I were having our free Thanksgiving dinner. "And here, there are two very young people who have to fend for themselves. How old are you kids?" he asked.

"Thirteen." I muttered.

"Ten." Bart said, obviously enjoying the camera. "We're the only family each other has."

"So how long has it been since you've seen your parents?" Kent asked.

"Two years." Bart lied.

"Mm-hm. Is there anything either of you would like to say to your family, if they are watching."

"Yes, there is, Kent." Bart said, looking at the camera. "Ha-ha! I didn't apologize!"

"Yes." I answered myself. "Bart is being childish and I couldn't stand the vibes at home."

"Shut up, Steph!" Bart hissed, annoyed.

After that, we said goodbye to the hobos and began walking home.

"I think I'll go up on the roof for a bit," I decided. "Since it's flat, and it's a clear night. I don't want to come in yet, anyway. It's pretty warm for November." I went up on the roof frequently in the summer. It was autumn, and dark, but it was pretty.

Seconds later, Bart joined me. "You're not going in?"

Bart shook his head. "I'm still not apologizing! They blame me for everything. Next thing you know, Maggie will blame me for the fact that she can't talk yet." I scoffed, and Bart scowled at me.

We were silent for a few moments, Bart checking out some of the stuff that had gotten onto the roof, like Frisbees and that. But soon enough, we could hear something from a pipe that led to an air vent. It was the sound of crying, from my room.

"Bart!" I hissed. "Over here! I can hear Lisa!"

Bart quickly came over and whispered into the pipe. "Lis! Lisa! It's me, Bart!"

"Where are you?" I heard Lisa ask.

"Shhh! I'm on the roof!" Bart answered.

"What happened to Stephanie?"  
"She's here too!"

A window opened below us, and Lisa's head poked out. She jumped onto the nearest tree and climbed up to get to the roof. "What are you two doing here? Everybody's worried." she exclaimed.

"Really?" Bart said, pleased. "Did they cry?"

"Yes." Bart grinned at her answer, but it faded as she asked "Why did you burn my centerpiece? Is it because you hate me?"

"I don't know!" Bart cried in frustration. "I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

"Are you planning on burning _my _art?" I inquired innocently.

"Maybe." Bart muttered.

"Well," I said venomously. "Maybe you should rethink this, unless you want one more person who wants your blood. All of it. Along with your lungs deflated and your heart still."

"Death threats aren't going to help." Lisa admonished me. "Bart, can't you just apologize?"

"Why should I?" Bart demanded.

Lisa gave a sigh. "The only reason you apologize to someone is because you look inside yourself and find a spot, something you wish wasn't there, because you feel bad you hurt your sister's feelings."

"I don't believe that."

"Just look!" Lisa demanded. Bart obligingly did so, muttering under his breath. Finally, he stiffened.

He turned to Lisa. "Lisa, I'm sorry."

Lisa hugged him. "Apology accepted."

Suddenly, we heard Dad's voice from a window. "Hey, kids! Are you planning on staying up there all night?"

"Dad!" all three of us groaned in unison.

"You just ruined a really nice moment!" I called down.

That night, I felt a little more spirit in Thanksgiving. For the first time since I was eleven, I hugged my siblings goodnight, and put Maggie to bed for Mom, singing "For Good" to her. It was, without a doubt, one of the best endings to Thanksgiving ever.

**Well, I guess it was kind of mushy for Stephanie to say that, but she didn't care. Anyway, next up is "Who Shot Mr Burns". OK, now is anyone into fanart. If so, could you please illustrate a scene from this fanfiction or just do something with Stephanie in it? Please? Review, anyway.**


	14. Chapter 13

**OK, here's the timeless episode of "Who Shot Mr Burns, Part 1"! Thanks for reviewing, Zorua.**

Remember what I said about the time Burns kidnapped the puppies? Well, this time he angered the whole town. Basically, the elementary school found they had an oil well. All the students got to choose new stuff. Well, Bart wanted to resurrect the dead, which they couldn't do ("It would be so cool, though." I remarked. "Especially if they resurrected a certain rock star from the Sixties who died way too young, even if that was 40.") but Lisa was able to get a jazz band with an instructor – Tito Puente, no less!

But Burns wouldn't have that. He always claims to be poor when he's the richest man in Springfield, so he decided to pump the oil himself. His slogan for the oil well which bore his name was pretty funny, though. "Building a better tomorrow... for him."

That wasn't all. The oil shot towards our house...more specifically, Bart's treehouse. It gave Bart a couple cuts, but SLH ended up needing a cardboard collar and a wheely thing for his back legs until they healed.

My sister and brother were furious that Burns had acted against them. All the Elementary School staff were furious. Even Dad was mad at Burns. Apparently Burns couldn't remember his name, even though he could remember everyone else's names and Dad wore a name tag some of the time.

Later, loyal lapdog Smithers was fired, for reasons unknown. Moe's bar was shut down because of the oil fumes. The retirement home half collapsed and Grampa had to move in with us.

Finally, the only art shop in Springfield couldn't pay Burns for the excessively large amount of money he demanded for electricity. They couldn't even pay off the mortgage, and had to shut down. That was IT! I needed more art stuff and there was no art shop up in Shelbyville, or anything nearer than the next STATE. The thing was, the art shop didn't even use much electricity. I don't know why they had to pay so much, but they did.

We ended up with having a town meeting. Many people were furious, just like me. But they had guns. Grampa had a gun, in fact, but Mom had buried it in the backyard when she saw Bart with it.

Mayor Quimby let each of us speak up for why we hated Burns.

Smithers began. "He fired me! And now all I can do is drink cheap Scotch and watch Comedy Central."

"Burns cost me my groundskeeper job at the school!" cried the Elementary school janitor. "And I'm too superstitious to take one at the cemetery!"

Grampa stood up. "Because of him I lost my room, my things, and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines!"

Next was Moe. "I lost my bar."

Dad's alcoholic friend Barney stood up. "I lost his bar!" I had to giggle, but then Lisa stood up.

"He robbed the school of music!" she cried.

"He robbed the school of financial security!" added the principal.

"He robbed the school of Tito!" Tito Puente put in.

"He stopped me being able to have a life with art!" I screamed.

"He can't remember my name!" Dad yelled.

"He's causing us all to yell!" Mom said, and Maggie sucked on her pacifier ferociously.

"Look what he did to my best friend!" Bart cried. Everyone looked at Milhouse. "No, my dog!" SLH walked up to Bart, still with the wheely thing.

A sinister laugh came from the door. "Those wheels are squeaking a bit." Burns stood outside the Town Hall, chuckling. "Perhaps I could sell him a little oil."

"You twisted old monster!" Bart exclaimed, running at him.

Burns just smirked to reveal a gun. "I decided to protect myself, after I was attacked in my office."

"D'oh!" Dad exclaimed.

"Well, if Bart won't do it, I will!" I scowled. "You've gotten away with a lot in your life, Burns, but this time you haven't just stolen pets, you've ruined many lives! And you can't get away with it!"

"I'd like to hear from Sideshow Mel." someone else spoke up. Sideshow Mel was Krusty's sidekick on the show, and had been since the whole thing when Krusty was thrown in jail for something he didn't do.

"I'll see to it that Burns suffers from Hell's grim tyrant!" Mel cried.

"Yeah!" added Otto.

Burns' eyes flickered over all of us. "Oh, you all talk big, but who here has the guts to stop me?" Everyone waited. "One more thing." Burns continued. "Have you ever seen the sun set at 3pm?"

It was Captain McCallister that spoke up. "Aye, once, when I was sailing round the Arctic-"

"Shut up, you!" Burns ordered, holding up a remote and pushing a button. "Take one last look at the sun, Springfield!" He laughed an evil laugh as the sun was blocked out by something, then he walked off.

I sat on the steps of the hall for a bit, contemplating the end of tanning and Vitamin D. Everyone else had disappeared. "Oz, I swear that I'll make sure Burns is punished." I muttered.

That's when I heard the gunshot. Burns stumbled in the direction of the sundial. He passed by Jimbo Jones, who was a couple years younger than me.

"Hey, man, are you OK?" he asked.

"Won't...dignify that...with a response..." Burns choked out, then collapsed on the sundial. He'd been shot!

Suddenly, all the townspeople appeared.

"Mr Burns has been shot!" exclaimed Aunt Patty. (We know, Sherlock!)

"Wait a minute!" Chief Wiggum exclaimed. "This isn't Mr Burns at all! It's a mask!"

I rolled my eyes. "It's his face, you idiot." I muttered.

"Stephanie!" Mom admonished.

"I'm only telling the truth." I answered. At that moment, Wiggum had realized I was right.

"I don't think we'll ever know who did this." Mom said. "Everyone in town's a suspect." We eyed each other uneasily, wondering who it could be.

Dr Hibbert was suddenly laughing. "Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?" he asked Chief Wiggum, who shrugged.

"Yeah, I'll give it a shot, it's my job, right?"

**There! Most of the episode is a set-up to this scene, so I devoted this whole chapter to the Town Hall bit. I will make up for it by doing a lot with the second episode.**


	15. Chapter 14

**Well, here comes Part 2! Thanks for reviewing, bloody alanna, Zorua and KittyKatBFF.**

"Everyone had a reason to shoot Mr Burns." Lisa remarked when we got home. "Even us. Bart, he broke your dog's legs. Stephanie, he got the art shop shut down. Grampa, he destroyed your home, and Dad, you kind of went berserk when he couldn't remember your name."

"Aren't we forgetting someone, little sister suspect?" Bart said pointedly. Even though Lisa was only two years younger than him, he liked that she was his little sister. But even though I was three years older than Bart, there was a world between ten and thirteen.

"I was just getting to me." Lisa said with a nervous giggle. "Because of Mr Burns, my plans for the jazz band were stopped. But I'm not capable of shooting anyone."

"Are too!" Bart argued.

"Are not!" Lisa shot back.

"You're both capable!" I snapped, wanting to shut them up.

"So are you!" they both said.

I shrugged it off. "All of us are."

Time went on. Most of Springfield tore down Burns' giant saucer that blocked out the sun.

At first it seemed that Smithers had shot Burns, having remembered shooting someone, but Sideshow Mel was able to clear his name, realizing that he was watching TV at three. It turned out Smithers had shot someone's wooden leg.

"I guess it's never the most likely suspect." Mom said when we saw his name being cleared on TV.

"Actually, Mom, in most cases, it is." Lisa told her. "Otherwise, it's usually some deranged lunatic who did it for no reason." Dad caught most of us glancing at him.

"Hey!" he snapped. "I had a damn good reason; he could never remember my name!"

"You've still got everything you care about." I pointed out. "You've got TV, beer, and us, although the third is questionable in the idea that it's part of what you care about-"

"Stephanie!" Mom scolded.

"My point is that he took away my favourite hobby by making the art shop close down." I said. "I ran out of green and black paint while I was painting that picture."

"The one of you in one of the poses from _Wicked _with green skin, the "Defying Gravity" pose?" Lisa said. "With your friends below?"

I nodded. "Tasha, Laura, Mel and Azure are done," I said "But Sunshine is only sketched, and I'm only half-painted. My face is green and my hat is black, but my dress still isn't coloured."

"Anyway, I'm going to try and help solve this case." Lisa continued. I didn't doubt she could. She was super-smart.

However, Mom was protective of her second youngest child. "I think you're a little young to be investigating an attempted murder. Why don't you try to solve the mystery of who put that mud in the fridge?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's not a mystery. That's a 'why did Bart do it' type, not a 'whodunnit.'"

"Who wants chocolate icecream?" That was Bart. He had the mud in bowls.

"Me!" cried Dad. I giggled.

"Anyway, I think you should try solving it, Lisa." I said. "Why not?"

She did work on it, even going to talk to the police. One by one, they eliminated suspects. I passed by when they were using a lie detector to interrogate Moe. He apparently lied when saying he didn't deserve to be treated that way.

Mr Burns woke up some point before the police crashed in and said they found Simpson DNA on Burns' suit – the one he was wearing the day he got shot. The first thing he'd said when he awoken was "Homer Simpson" apparently, or at least said something about Dad shooting him.

"Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for attempted murder." Chief Wiggum said, cuffing Dad.

"Do'h!" Dad exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's what they all say. They all say 'do'h'."

"How could he say that if he couldn't remember Dad's name?" I wondered.

"That's a good point..." Lisa said slowly. "It could have been any of us, except Mom, since she's a Bouvier."

"No." Mom said, shaking her head. "When I took your father's name, I took Simpson DNA too."

"Lis, I want in on this case too." I decided. "Let's clear all suspicions."

"OK, we better start at the scene of the crime." Lisa said.

We got no clues for a bit, but then we found out Dad had escaped, and he was seen near the hospital where Burns was. All the townspeople were about ready to burn him.

Me and Lis both blocked the door before they went in. "Stop! Don't shoot my dad!" Lisa pleaded. "He's innocent! He wouldn't harm a fly!"

"And he's no evil genius!" I pointed out. Mom and Bart were in the crowd too, although only to find Dad. Maggie was with Mom, as always. Bart glanced up at my statement and grinned.

We opened the door to find Dad choking Burns. "How dare you say it was me! I'll kill you for saying it was me!"

Burns was yelling "Homer Simpson!" over and over again. Then suddenly, he stopped. Mr Smithers was in the crowd, and Burns began asking "Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me?"

Dad froze. "Do'h!" he shrieked. Then he grabbed a gun from one of the police and held it to Burns' head. "Say it, Burns! Say I never shot you...before."

Burns laughed. "Shot, by you? I'm afraid not. Your kind hasn't got the IQ to pull off a firearm."

I sighed. "So why did you keep saying it was him?"

Burns stared. "Did I say that?"

"You kept saying his name." Chief Wiggum pointed out. "So he really didn't do it?"

Burns shook his head. "The one who shot me was..." he surveyed the townspeople. His gaze zeroed in on the person. "Aah! M-Maggie Simpson!"

We all gasped. Maggie? My sweet little baby sister? Of all the people that could've done it, Maggie was the last one I'd suspected.

Burns gave us the explanation. His own gun had ended up falling into Maggie's hands, and it had gone off.

"Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and that you've recovered and we can all get back to normal." Mom said. "If Maggie could talk I'm sure she'd apologize for shooting you."

"I'm afraid that's insufficient." Burns said coldly. "Officer, arrest the baby!"

Chief Wiggum smirked. "Yeah, right. No jury in the world's gonna convict a baby, except maybe Texas."

"Besides, she didn't mean to." Mom said.

I picked up Maggie and hugged her. "Whether you meant to shoot Burns or not, you did a good thing, Mags." I told my sister. "You're, like, the poster child for Springfield, because you shot the meanest oldest man alive." I giggled.

**Well, there it is. I'm up to one more request for now.**


	16. Chapter 15

**Hey, here is "Selma's Choice", as requested. Thanks for reviewing, KittyKatBFF, Zorua, and Vitani825. Tasha, PM me if you want a new chapter instead of reviewing a different story in regards to the other one.**

There was a new theme park that had just been made – Duff Gardens. It promoted beer, but it sounded like there was some cool stuff there. Bart and Lisa wanted to go to it as well. Even Dad wanted to go.

But one of Mom's aunts – Gladys – died and we had to go to her funeral. After a bit of silence on the car trip, Dad sang "_Ding dong, the witch is dead."_ from the film.

"Which old witch?" Bart joined in.

"The wicked witch!" Dad replied.

"They are being so insensitive." I addressed Lisa. "Plus I don't want to hear them singing about Nessarose's death." Nessarose was the name of the _Wicked _version of the Wicked Witch Of The East.

Lisa shrugged. "I agree, but Nessa really had a lesson coming to her. She was so mean to her sister, blaming her for the spell she herself cast."

We picked up first Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma, then Grandma. By the way, this is where I should explain one of the big reason why I dislike my aunts. They boring and kind of strange, and they hate Dad (understandable, Mom could've done so much better), but the big reason I hate them is because they smoke. It means that I have to deal with second-hand smoke whenever they come over. OK, I'll tell the truth. I'd probably smoke once in a while if they didn't. But having to have that smoke wafting around once in a while just puts me off. I don't want to end up with voices like theirs, either – all gruff and about the furthest thing from feminine you can imagine. If I did, I'd probably end up a bitter old spinster, and at twenty-five, I'd hate that. (Mom had me when she was twenty, and she dated Dad from when she was eighteen – imagine!)

The funeral was dull, dark, depressing. The inheritance was more interesting, but not for us. Great-Aunt Gladys left a piece of advice to Mom's older sisters. "Don't die alone, like I did. Raise a family, and do it now!"

Aunt Selma really seemed to be touched by this, but no one else really took much notice. I didn't realize the effect at the time, but the next weekend raised my memories.

It was all fixed up. We were going to go to Duff Gardens. Bart woke up Lisa and I early to wake up Mom and Dad afterwards. We were dressed and ready. Then finally, we found Dad, with half-open eyes and his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"Oh, great." Bart sighed. "Dad's dead."

"Another funeral?" I said incredulously. Dad groaned.

"Have you been eating that sandwich again?" Mom asked him.

This is where I should explain. Dad took a giant sandwich from some party at his work (like the one Bart ordered the time Lisa babysat), since it wasn't completely eaten. Anyway, he's still been eating it fter a month, and it really needs to join the garbage now. But Dad keeps taking it back.

Dad still insisted on coming to Duff Gardens with us while he was recovering, but he couldn't even sit up, so Mom said she'd have to stay home and look after him.

"But what about us?" I asked.

"Yeah! It's not fair to make us stay too!" Bart complained.

In the end, Mom called Aunt Selma. None of us were especially happy to have her taking us, but it was Duff Gardens. As Bart said "To get to Duff Gardens, I'd ride with Satan himself."

I spent the half-hour drive listening to my Ipod and dreaming about which rides I'd go on first, as well as which arcade games I'd play first.

Lisa spotted the landmark first. "It's the Beer Pyramid! Look!" She pointed out the window.

"I can't see anything else, though." I sighed. "That isn't even exciting, sis. Show me the famous Barrel Roll when that comes into view."

Bart rolled his eyes at me. "It's not the interest, Steph, it's the concept. We're not far away from Duff Gardens now."

"I'm not interested in the concept, you know." I said. "You've been my brother for ten years and you don't know that?"

"I don't care what you're interested in." Bart said. "I just told you, it's not the interest-"

"Wake me up when it is." I said sarcastically.

But anyway, I couldn't stay sarcastic all day. It was Duff Gardens. Seriously, I had to have a little fun today, even though I was with my little siblings and one of my aunts. Seriously, Mom's sisters actually kind of scare me. It's not their fault, but it is. But I was determined not to let anything spoil this visit.

**OK, I thought I better update straightaway. It's short, sorry, but there you go. I'll update with part 2 of the episode when I can. Hope you're happy, Vitani825!**


	17. Chapter 16

**Next part is up! Thanks for reviewing, Zorua and Vitani825. I'll do "Bart vs Australia" next.**

We had some fun at Duff Gardens. Of course, the other kids totally went crazy and embarrassed me a bit, but that was nothing new. The best bit was early, when Bart and I tried on some beer glasses at the gift shop. Those things really warp your eyesight! I saw Bart as a hot guy of about 15 as he took off his glasses. I took mine off and Bart turned back into my 10-year-old bratty brother.

"Take off those damn glasses, you two!" Aunt Selma snapped. "Oh, this looks like fun. A bench." She slumped down on it. Bart and Lisa almost immediately pulled her back up.

I sighed, but then smiled. "Are you tired?" I asked sweetly. "I'll look after the kids for a bit, if you want."

Aunt Selma sighed, then said "Stephanie, that's nice of you, but you're far too young." Bart and Lisa were already glaring at me, obviously annoyed that I was treating them like, well, kids. I sent them one of my own glares back. I can look very scary when I want to.

We all ended up on an unintentionally creepy riverboat ride for little kids. The dolls were especially creepy, but they were continuously singing the same simple annoying lyrics: _"Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you have one too."_

"I want to get off!" Bart whined after five minutes.

"We have five more continents to visit." snapped Aunt Selma.

Bart turned to Lisa. "Hey, Lis, I dare you to drink the water."

"Are you serious?" I exclaimed. "Gross."

"I'm not sure that even is water." Lisa added.

"You two are just chicken. Steph, you say that even blood is gross. Lisa, are you going to take the dare?" Lisa was very reluctant to do it, but she did. She drank a little bit of the water.

Her eyes went out ot focus. "They're all around me!" she began to scream. "There's no way out! No way out, I tell you!" She began to laugh maniacally, freaking everyone out.

I glared at Bart. "OK, you just turned our sister into a hysterical psychopath." I growled. "This is even more humiliating than the bookworm sister who found studying fun."

Bart shrugged. "She'll be OK."

That kid was totally wrong in the mind. After the ride, Lisa stumbled out, so fast that none of us could keep up with her. Even so, I ran after her when she ran right into the path of a parade, waving her arms and whispering "I can see the music!"

I pulled her away, but she kept running off. I lost patience and went to check on Bart, who got on the Barrel Roll by faking his height, and ended up stuck hanging onto the safety bar at the top of the highest loop. By the time he was down, a gang of frosh boys had taken a few of the dodgems.

Lisa was found in a fountain with her red dress and shoes, plus her pearls, thrown carelessly in the fountain (seriously, I can't believe she was actually skinny dipping), so she had to wear a towel that one of the staff had. Her eyes were still out of focus and crazy. She was also paler, and now shivering after her little swim. "I am the lizard queen!" she cried.

One of the guys at the park gave us some pills for Lisa to take, and that was all she did on the way home. While that happened, I listened to my Ipod. I would've closed my eyes, but with my siblings next to me, that would've been asking for trouble (It's called pranks of the Bart Simpson style).

Lisa was still taking pills by the time we got home. Dad was up and moving around, so the sandwich didn't seem to have done too much damage. Mom seemed happy enough, too.

Bart walked straight upstairs, but I stuck around on the stairs for a bit. Aunt Selma actually addressed Dad without any negative tone in her voice, and I wanted to hear what she was saying.

"How do you do it, Homer?" she asked. "Raising kids? I just couldn't cut it today."

In the end, there was one thing that made Aunt Selma happy. Grandma had gotten her sister's pet iguana, Jub-Jub at the funeral. And Aunt Selma wanted someone to love. Jub-Jub was the closest thing she could get to a baby, so everyone was happy.

But I have to admit, that wasn't as half as exciting as what happened soon after that.

**Sorry it's short, but I don't know what else to put for this episode. But I've got another good episode next up!**


	18. Chapter 17

**OK, enjoy "Bart vs Australia"! Thanks for reviewing, Zorua.**

OK, we all know that Bart Simpson is trouble in blue shorts. But I definitely underrated him, considering what happened. I was walking past the bathroom one early Saturday morning, and Bart was arguing about something with Lisa.

"Water doesn't obey your rules." he was telling her. "It goes where it wants...like me, babe."

"Yes, Bart." Lisa said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Why don't you try it and see?" She walked out and went to our bedroom to get dressed. I don't make a habit out of changing when my little sister's doing the exact same thing, so I decided to watch Bart try to prove her wrong. What she'd been telling him about was the thing about water always going counter-clockwise in this Hemisphere, so it was impossible to prove her wrong.

"She's right, you know." I said, leaning against the door.

"I _know _I've seen it go the other way." Bart said stubbornly, staring at the sink.

"Yeah, when you went overseas." I said. "Anyway, I've got better things to do than discuss the Coreolis effect."

I'd already planned to go over to Azure's, although my other friends were busy.

"Do you know what Bart was arguing over with Lisa today?" I said. "The freaking Coreolis effect."

Azure laughed. "Those two are so weird. I don't envy you, Steph."

"Uh...thanks." I said, giggling too. "But we should totally do Child Swap for a day, like that fanfiction when two rival families had to take care of each other's kids. Remember, one of them dared another to yell out for their Lady GaGa CD at night?"

I didn't find out what Bart had done for a bit. It was only when Lisa and I were woken up by Bart talking on the phone in his room. I got up, about to yell at Bart, until I heard a loud voice from his phone saying "You owe me 900 dollars, mate!"

"No!" Bart said into the phone. "You owe me 900 dollars!"

I could hear the man on the other end talking. "You're just some punk kid, aren't you? Well, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with here!" He had a weird accent.

Bart laughed. "I don't think so. You're all the way in Australia. Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby." He hung up.

"An Australian guy?" I exclaimed, rubbing my eyes. "What did you do?" Bart simply shrugged.

I didn't find out what happened until Australian letters began coming into the mailbox, all marked with his name. He threw all of them into the bin in his room, and added Lisa's saxophone at my request.

"I've told her to play it somewhere other than my room." I had said. "Maybe she'll take it seriously now."

Lisa immediately saw it happening. "Hey! I need that." She got out her sax and took a look at a few letters.

"Some country thinks I owe them money." Bart shrugged.

Lisa looked from the letters to Bart. "Uh-oh. You better talk to Mom and Dad about this."

"So what did you actually do?" I asked. Bart still didn't properly answer. He only admitted to tricking an Australian kid into accepting a collect call that was six hours long when Mom questioned him.

Dad picked up the globe. "There it is. Australia. I'll be damned." Then he got sidetracked when he saw Uruguay. "Hey, look at this country! U R Gay." He laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

"It's not pronounced You Are Gay, Dad." I told him. "Anyway, what are we going to do about the money?"

We had to talk to a man from the US State Department called Mr Conover. The way he put it, we had two options. "It's too late to simply pay back the money. As a sign of respect to our Aussie neighbours, we'd like to imprison Bart for five years." he suggested.

"That's tough but fair." Dad said. "Boy, go with the man."

"No!" exclaimed Mom. "No, no, no! I'm not having my son go to prison over some silly tiff with Australia!"

"This house is enough of a prison for a thirteen-year-old." I said. "Maybe he should wait three years for the sentence."

Mom narrowed her eyes at me, but didn't say anything.

"OK, I'm not hearing a lot of support for prison." Conover said. "There is one other option. They'll drop the charges if Bart makes a public apology in Australia."

"Does that mean we'd get to go to Australia free?" I asked in interest. When the man said yes, I rushed upstairs to start packing, knowing Bart would apologize. He was very good at fake apologies.

I looked up Australia before we went. They had creatures such as koala bears, kangaroos, wallabies, echidnas, and a lot of snakes. I especially liked the sound of dingos, as they sounded like coyotes and wolves.

Lisa was looking up a bit of Australian life the week we had to pack too. "What state are we going to?" I asked.

"New South Wales." she answered. "Even though the capital is Canberra, the political power is in Sydney. Most people think that it's the capital, in fact."

"I hoped it was Queensland." I sighed. "Whatever. This is, like, my first time on a plane. I guess I can shop in Southern Hemisphere shops."

**The actual time in Australia will be in the next episode. I've been to Australia a lot, since my brother, sister, sister-in-law, niece (with another kid on the way), aunt, uncle and three of my cousins live there. I thought Sydney would be a good place to set the political heart, and also I've been there, though I've never been to Canberra. I was going to try Queensland (Gold Coast, Cairns, Noosa), but decided against it...although I wish I could set it on Fraser Island, where there were wild dingoes. It is nothing like the Simpsons show it, as you may know, but one of my cousins especially finds it hilarious!**


	19. Chapter 18

**OK, let's go fly to Australia. By the way, what Stephanie says about NZ is not my opinion. I live there, and I'm proud of it! Thanks for reviewing, Zorua!**

The flight was pretty long, although it would've been longer if we had had to go to New Zealand, a tiny country full of little towns. Pretty boring, in my opinion. Australia was definitely more exciting.

"What time is it now?" groaned Dad as we stepped into weather that was probably causing a bushfire somewhere nearby.

Lisa explained that it was Wednesday morning. "You may also be interested to know that it's summer here, not winter."

Bart looked at a complicated sign. "What does that say? I thought they spoke English here."

"They speak Aborigine here, actually." I teased.

"They don't do that any more." Lisa pointed out, ruining my fun. "Anyway, it says you can't bring in foreign plants or animals. Any you may bring in could upset the environmental balance."

We stayed in an embassy with guards like those English ones – Dad's thoughts, not mine. He tried to make the guards laugh by pulling faces and teasing them, then laughing himself. The guard punched him in the end.

When we went sightseeing, I nudged Bart and pointed to the sign that said "Welcome To Australia."

"Hey, GI Joe," Bart addressed one guard, "Your sign's broken. We're already in Australia!"

"Actually, sir," the guard said, "The embassy is considered American soil, sir."

"Really?" Dad said. "Look, kids." He stepped into proper Australia. "Now I'm in Australia." He stepped back into the embassy. "Now I'm in America!" He began to skip in both places. "Australia! America! Australia!"

"I get it, Dad." Bart informed him.

"Homer, stop it!" Mom said.

I prayed that people wouldn't think they were my family, even though they were. Finally a guard punched him again. "Here in America we don't tolerate that kind of crap, sir!"

"What are you talking about?" I muttered. "Dad does that all the time in America."

Some descendants of Victorian convicts tried to steal Lisa's camera in the museum. Also, Mom had an argument with a man in the bar because she ordered coffee and he kept saying it was beer. Dad actually did have a giant Australian beer. Bart was told by a man that a spoon was a knife, which made me roll my eyes when Bart corrected him.

That was for the morning. The afternoon would have Bart's public apology. Mom and Lisa decided to continue sightseeing, but I decided to stick with Bart. I really had to see this.

The court was good to see. The Prime Minister was there, and so was the man and boy Bart owed. My brother stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat, looking very serious, even though I knew he didn't mean a word.

"I'm sorry." he said. "I'm sorry for what I did to your country."

The Prime Minister smiled. "Well, you're free to go, Bart...after your additional punishment!" He hand cuffed Bart, who gasped in horror. Dad was already being held back by two men, but I stayed free, watching.

"Let the booting begin!" announced the Prime Minister. A man burst into the court, wearing a giant boot. I understood.

"What kind of sick country would kick someone with a giant boot?" Dad exclaimed.

"Mr Simpson, shush." Conover said. "Disparaging the boot is a bootable offence, it's one of their proudest traditions."

I scowled. "Big deal." No one was holding me back, so I burst into the middle of the room, grabbed the boot, and easily yanked it off the man's foot before he could kick Bart.

Dad broke free and grabbed the Prime Minister. "Stay back, or my daughter will boot your Prime Minister! And if she won't, I will, so help me God, one of us will!"

Everyone backed away, and I grinned at the power we wielded at that moment.

"When will you people learn?" Dad said, for once being kind of smart. "In America we stopped using corporal punishment, and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys, and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities! So, like us, let your children run wild and free!" He pushed Bart and I out. "Now kids, run! Back to the embassy, back to American soil!"

We ran for it, with politicians of Australia after us. Bart and Dad tried getting to wild kangaroos, but learned the hard way that it wasn't a good idea.

Mom and Lisa caught up with us, and all of us ran, and got to the embassy just in time.

We had to try to argue our case, but Conover didn't seem too interested in our case. "OK, so we each get too candy apples." he said over the phone. "OK, one candy and one caramel."

I laughed, and Mom rolled her eyes. "Oh, for the love of – give me that!" She grabbed the phone and said into it "I know Bart did something wrong, but he's my son, and I'm going to punish him myself. Our countries may have their differences, but as human beings I'm sure we can all agree that there's nothing like the discipline of a loving parent." She smiled and handed the phone back to Conover. "He wants to talk to you."

"Hello?" Conover said into the phone. "Mm-hm. So we're in agreement, she won't be allowed near the phone again."

I couldn't help laughing, but then I smiled at Mom. "I admire you for that, actually. I would've stuck up for my choices, too."

"But you have to do it peacefully." Mom said. "You and your father threatening the Prime Minister of Australia didn't exactly help our relations with them." I shrugged, still smiling, since I'd actually enjoyed it.

In the end, Australia compromised. The Prime Minister would boot Bart through the gate with an ordinary shoe.

Bart agreed.

We soon stood outside the gate.

Lisa looked a little tearful. "Thank you, Bart." she whispered. "I promise I won't make fun of you later for this."

"Show 'em what American butts are made of, son." Dad said.

I walked to the front with Bart. I knew what he was going to do.

When the Prime Minister tried to kick Bart, he jumped away.

"This is for the United States of America." he said, then pulled his pants down and mooned the Australians, with the words "Don't step on me" on it, humming the national anthem.

We had to make a run for it on a plane, and out the window, we got to see that Bart had brought his bullfrog. She had bred, and all of us laughed, looking at the famine it was bringing on Australia.

So that was our visit to Australia. I loved it! Weird and zany, but totally cool, I thought, as we flew off, unaware of the koala clinging to the plane.

**Well, I need another episode to do next. So send in suggestions, and review!**


	20. Chapter 19

**Thanks for reviewing, Scarlett Angelica Potter. I like the idea of doing "Lisa's Wedding", so I will now. Also, thanks to Darth Sith'ari for all the nitpicking.**

_I guess I should talk about my future. Well, not my future as much as Lisa's. She saw this fortune-teller. Well, we both saw them. We were at a Renessaince fair, and Lisa was chasing a rabbit which was meant to be a horse in the body of a rabbit, according to Chief Wiggum. Don't ask._

_Anyway, I chased after her too, and we found an eerily lit tent. I decided to look in, and pulled Lisa in too. "Tarot readings, I think!" I whispered. "This I've gotta see."_

_But there was no customers at the moment. The fortune-teller looked up. "I've been waiting for you two." she said. "Hello, Lisa."_

_Lisa gasped. "How do you know my name?"_

"_Why Lisa?" I demanded._

"_Your name tag." the fortune-teller said calmly. She looked at me. "You're not wearing one, Stephanie."_

_I shrugged, even though I was a bit spooked. "I can't be bothered."_

_I was even more spooked when she mentioned the rest of our family and what they were doing. Then she said she'd do our tarot cards._

"_Not me." I said quickly. "Lisa will probably have a more rewarding feature than me."_

"_That's probably one of the nicest things you've ever said." Lisa muttered._

_After the fortune-teller turned over a couple of cards, she said the story told the tale of Lisa's first love, in 2027._ (**A/N: It was originally 2010, 15 years after the episode aired in 1995. So in this case, it's 15 years from now.) **_"The world has become a very different place..."_

Well, I was 28 years old now, and still in Springfield, but across town in my own flat. I still painted and tried to sell my art, but I mostly had to get my money from my job at a beauty salon that had kept me pretty when I was 16. Bart and Maggie were still living with Mom and Dad. Bart was working, but it wasn't a great job. Maggie was still at high school, now she was 16, and Lisa was in an English university.

One day in summer, Mom called me on the picture phone to tell me Lisa's big news. She'd been with a boyfriend called Hugh for a couple of months, and already, he'd proposed to her. He was, according to Lisa, very English.

"So are they going to get married in Springfield?" I said incredulously. "That quickly? Dad isn't going to try and plan it, is he?"

"Lisa was worried about that." Mom said. "I'll try to stop him. But you'll need to come over more while they're here."

I sighed. "OK, I'll be there." I promised. I guessed I'd be the only one not to embarrass my little sister.

Anyway, only about a week later, a taxi with Lisa and Hugh in it drew up in front of Mom and Dad's home, with the rest of us outside. We had an English flag ready to raise in honour of Hugh.

"Here they come! Raise the flag!" Bart yelled.

The two people got out of the taxi.

"Yo, Hugh!" Dad yelled, like they already knew each other. "Here's a little home from home! What do you think of that?" He gestured to the flag, which had just caught on fire.

I screamed and Lisa called "Dad!" The boys got the flag down, threw compost on it and stamped the fire out. Finally, Dad gave it to Hugh, looking embarassed. "Enjoy."

Hugh had the same expression. Lisa looked about ready to hyperventilate.

I smiled and held out a hand to Hugh formally, trying to be super-polite. "I'm Stephanie, Lisa's sister. Don't worry, not everyone in America is like that."

Hugh shook my hand. "Good afternoon." he said in a very posh English accent.

Dad gave them the guest bedroom, but it ended up breaking on them, so they had to take the room I used to share with Lisa until I moved out. Lisa had the room to herself, then she went off to uni.

Anyway, we all talked about the wedding over lunch. "So Hugh, have you heard any of the good American jokes?" Dad asked. "Like...oh, here's a good one: Pull my finger!"

Hugh laughed politely. "Yes, we have that one in England too, Mr Simpson."

"I said pull my finger." Dad said through gritted teeth.

"Uh, Mom?" Lisa said uneasily. "We're having my wedding dress fitting this afternoon. Maggie, Steph, if you aren't doing anything, why don't you come with?"

"I think I better stay." I said, glancing at the boys. I knew Bart and Dad would want to show Hugh around Springfield. Bart saw my glance and gave a slight nod. In my teenage years, I'd sometimes hung out with him and his friends, and we understood each other pretty well. Of course it meant I knew all the populars that were three years younger, but this time I'd have to do it again. I really had to make sure that the boys didn't ruin my sister's chances of a happy marriage.

Maggie was about to answer when Mom scolded "Maggie, don't talk with your mouth full!" Maggie scowled and rolled her eyes.

I knew that Dad was gonna say he and Bart would take Hugh out before he said it. I immediately said straight after "It's not all boys, is it?"

"Come if you want, Steph." Bart said with a smile that I swear was from when he was ten. "We need some girls around."

But I knew at that moment, even if I was able to make sure Hugh saw his fiancee's sister in a favourable light, I couldn't do any such thing with his fiancee's other sister, her brother, or parents. Well, Mom was OK, but that was it.

I would just have to make the best of it.

**The rest of the episode will be in the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed it. Please please please review?**


	21. Chapter 20

**OK, next chapter. Thanks for reviewing, Sailor Pluto and lazy4ever. Stephanie is still 28, and Lisa's wedding is drawing nearer. And OK, I'll do the clip show next.**

The evening was a nightmare. Dad drove on the wrong side of the road, because that was how they drove in England. Hadn't he ever heard of "When in Rome"?

And then Dad decided to drive straight to Moe's Tavern. I was kind of surprised, actually, that Moe was still around. As a kid, he'd always seemed kind of old. Maybe it was the grey hair. But he_ was_ still around, and barely had any other age factors to show for it.

I hated Moe's, but I wanted to make sure my family wasn't going to ruin Lisa's chances. So I talked to Hugh in a friendly way, asking him questions. I wasn't actually interested, but I had to keep up appearances, didn't I?

However, I decided to head home after Moe's, telling the guys they didn't need a girl dragging them down. Hey, I was bored and scared of what Dad would do next.

Then there was the wedding. Bart was the first to go into Lisa's dressing room to congratulate her. I heard him telling her that he'd met a really nice burlesque dancer at some strip club and wanted to get married for the third time.

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. I sauntered in when they looked at me, knowing that I was useless at spying. "Don't bother, guy. Just date until it's been a few years. You seriously can't get married three times in, like, eight years. Now get out, I need to talk to our sister."

Bart obediently left, while I talked. "Lise?" I said. "Remember when we had to share a room as kids? I don't know how we survived."

Lisa laughed. "Me neither, Steph. You always made fun of me and you complained more about my saxophone playing than anyone, like that time Bart kicked the wall in his room and ended up kicking books off the shelf. You just wrenched it off me and hid it. By the time I found it in the garage, Dad was there and telling me to 'stop the racket' when he wanted to fix Mom's camera."

I laughed at her. "But you were a know-it-all five years younger than me, and remember when I was about fifteen and you walked in on me hooking up with Kearney?" Kearney was this guy about three years older than me that kept repeating fifth grade. He even had a son! I don't even know why I hooked up with him, since I couldn't stand him most of the time. Guess it was just one of the few times I lost control and drank too much, although I don't know why we ended up in my room, in my house. "Anyway," I said, "You complained about me getting paint on your bed when the art shop finally reopened and I could finish painting that 'Defying Gravity' parody thing." We both laughed.

"But honestly, Lise," I said seriously, "You've done a lot. You were the only Simpson to get into an overseas college (while I was stuck in the USA and only got one degree), you were the only one that was really on the level in pretty much all of Springfield, and now you've achieved more than anyone. I love you, sis. I hope you and Hugh'll be happy."

Lisa's eyes became tearful and she hugged me. "Thank you so much, Steph. I love you, too."

Then it was Dad's turn. I only got up when I saw Lisa going out to see Hugh, breaking tradition. That was too weird for Lisa for me to ignore.

I could hear them talking. It was Hugh speaking when I lingered outside. "...when we get back to England and we won't have to deal with them."

"Are you saying we won't see my family again?" I heard Lisa ask, sounding annoyed.

"Well, possibly your mother – and maybe your sisters – will come, when the children are born." I gritted my teeth. I'd gone to all that trouble to show my family in a good light, and now I'd be lucky if Hugh is OK with me seeing my future nieces or nephews.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" cried Lisa, appalled. "I don't want to cut my family out of my life!"

"But Lisa, you're better than this place." protested Hugh. "You're like a flower that grew out of a pot of dirt."

"That's a horrible thing to say!" my younger sister cried, sounding like she was the young girl again.

"Come on, _you _complain about them more than anyone." Hugh pointed out. He obviously didn't know me.

"Maybe, but I still love them!" I heard Lisa reply angrily, "And I don't think you understand that!"

"_The next day, Hugh goes back to England, and you never see him again." The fortune-teller finished. Lisa and I stared at her. She'd just told us everything in detail. She said I'd hear Hugh denouncing my family. It made me feel very protective. Would I really feel that close to my sister?_

"_Wow." Lisa finally said. "Is there any way I can change the future?"_

_The fortune-teller smiled. "No, but try to look surprised."_

"_But you said you'd tell me about my true love." Lisa accused._

"_Oh, you will have a true love," the fortune-teller said with a smirk, "But I specialize in telling you about the relationships where you get jerked around." She began to laugh in an evil way, but pink smoke blew up and she abruptly stopped._

_I pulled Lisa out of the tent. "Come on, we've been here long enough." Lisa found the rabbit and brought it back. We met up with Dad and walked back to the fair._

**There! I know most people hate "All Singing, All Dancing", and while it's a clip show, I did enjoy it, and it was requested, so it'll be next. Please, review, and keep reading.**


	22. Chapter 21

**OK, here we go! I hope you like it! Thanks for reviewing, Sailor Pluto, sideshow cellophane, kkman57 and lazy4ever.**

I can't believe we trusted Dad and Bart to get a movie we'd all like. The minute they got home from the video shop on Saturday night, Mom held out the popcorn and asked "Did you get _Waiting To Exhale?"_

"Well, it was on the waiting list, but they said don't hold your breath." Dad said in a bored tone.

"Please say you got _Hairspray!" _I pleaded. "If not, _Grease _at least. I've been waiting to see a high-school musical for ever."

"Just wait until you're in high school. Then you can live it!" Dad said, ruffling my hair. I pulled away and glared at him.

"Did you get _Anna?" _Lisa asked, bouncing up and down.

Dad laughed at her hyperactive bounces. "Calm down, little lady, take it easy...no."

"What did you get?" Mom asked finally.

"Something very close, exactly along those lines." Dad replied. "A Lee Marvin shoot-em-up Western!" Mom, Lisa and I all groaned. It was the type of mindless film they liked and we just hated.

Well, they were wrong, anyway. It was a cheesy musical like _Oklahoma! _To tell the truth, Dad and Bart's reactions and identical looks of horror were more amusing than the show, but it was better than a boring old Western, anyway. But Dad decided to throw it in the bin. "Why did they have to mess up a story with all that fruity singing?" he complained.

"I thought it was fun." Mom said.

"What's wrong with music anyway?" I asked. "There's a reason why everyone buys Ipods."

"Singing is the lowest form of communication." Dad stated.

"Homer, you sing all the time." Mom protested.

"No, I don't, I hate to rhyme." Dad answered, contradicting his statement.

A smile came on Lisa's face, and she sang the next bit. "You like musicals, don't you, Dad?"

Dad fell into the trap and sang "No, I don't, I think they're bad, they're fake and phony and totally wrong..."

"Wake up, Dad, you're singing a song!" Bart sang. (By the way, just assume we all sing the rest of this chapter (and the next)

"So just cause you hate it, you think you can't sing?" I teased. "Well look at you, you're singing this thing!"

"I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff!" Dad insisted.

"Now Homer, listen, I've had enough." Mom sang sternly. "In our family videos, we have clearly seen,

You're a singing dancing entertainment machine." She slotted a video cassette into the player, and a band I recalled well appeared on the screen. Back when I was about six, Dad had been in a band called the Be-Sharps with Barney, elementary school Principal Skinner, and Kwik-E-Mart owner Apu (last name way too hard to spell). They had gotten back together after Dad reminded us of the story after we found an old Be-Sharps album at a car trunk sale, since Bart and Lisa were too young to remember.

But after that, Mom had videoed their rooftop reunion...

"_And a one, and a two, and a three!" Barney yelled into the mic._

"_Baby on board," sang the band._

"_How I've adored, that sign on my car's windowpane._

"_Bounce in my step, loaded with pep,_

_Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane._

_Call me a square, friend, I don't care,_

_That little yellow sign can't be ignored_

_I'm telling you it's mighty nice, each trip's a trip to paradise_

_With my baby, on board!"_

I really thought they were just copying the Beatles (Barney even got a girlfriend that looked like Yoko Ono), but the next song was one I loved. The town was planning to knock down a burlesque house Bart had been working in (through complications) when he broke a stone gargoyle trying to get Milhouse's toy aeroplane off the top. Anyway, when Mom found out (she'd been dragged on some trip with Lisa, although I got the room to myself), she wanted to get it knocked down and even got the town's support. But Dad had begun a song which stopped everyone else. I hummed along as Dad began to sing,

"_We could tear it down, but we'd be tearing down a part of ourselves!" Dad cried. Everyone looked at each other, so Dad began singing._

"_You could close down Moe's or the Kwik-E-Mart, and nobody would care._

_But the heart and soul of Springfield's in, our Maision Derriere."_

_Two men brought out a piano, and the owner of the house, Belle, along with four of her dancers, began to sing a catchy tune._

"_We're the sauce on your steak, we're the cheese in your cake,_

_We put the 'spring' in Springfield."_

"_We're the lace on the nightgown," one dancer sang._

"_The point after touchdown," Another added._

"_Yes, we put the 'spring' in Springfield."_

"_We're that little extra spice that makes existance extra nice." Belle explained through song._

"_A giddly little thrill at a reasonable price."_

"_Our only major quarrels with your total lack of morals!" Reverend Lovejoy sang._

_Two dancers came up to him. "Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad, they seem to entertain your dad!"_

"_The gin in your martini, the clams in your linguini," the girls sang._

"_We put the-" Belle flicked the springs on Bumblebee Man's head. "in Springfield!"_

"_They're pretty in pink, let them have their kink!" I sang, "What do you think, up there?" I looked up at some of the regular visitors. The piano music changed to be slow, then it sped up when it got to the next bit._

"_Oh, well...we remember our first visit!"_

"_The service was exquisite!" Mayor Quimby added._

"_Why, Joseph, I had no idea!" cried a woman who must have been the only woman who could stand her husband's habit of sleeping with young girls._

"_Come on, now, you were working here!"_

"_Without it, we'd have had no fun," sang Grampa and his mate, "Since March of 1961!"_

_Well, it continued like this. Bart sang a bit, the fifth graders sang some, and finally, Belle and her dancers were singing "So don't take the..." Barney's jack-in-the-box popped up._

"_We won't take the..." we all sang, and Sideshow Mel blew his slide whistle._

"_Yes, let's keep the," we continued, and Moe clashed two garbage can lids together, "in Springfield!"_

The video finished. Wow, Dad sang more than he thought!

"Don't be ashamed, your singing's not bad." I consoled Dad with a smile.

"I never sing cause Springfield would get mad."

"Come on, Steph, you sing like a pro," Lisa teased.

"When you get a chance to sing, you never say no." Mom said, slotting another cassette in. I cringed. She'd videoed me, Tasha, Laura and Sunshine singing snatches of musicals last summer. I remembered that well.

"_The sun'll come out tomorrow..." Sunshine crooned._

_Tasha gave her a push and sang back "You can't stop an avalanche, as it races down the hill..." She broke off to say. "The Sunshine's out today!"_

_Laura stepped in front of both of them and glanced over at her house. Her mom wasn't home, so she belted out the words "Your life's a routine that repeats each day,_

_No one cares who you are, or what you say,_

_And sometimes you feel like you're nobody,_

_But you can feel like somebody...with me!"_

_I laughed at my friends, then I sang my own favourite. "The trouble with schools is, they always try to teach the wrong lessons."_

_Tasha caught on and harmonized with me "Believe me, I've been kicked out of enough of them to know,"_

"_They want you to be less callow, less shallow," Sunshine cut in._

"_But I say, why invite stress in?" Laura grinned._

"_Stop studying strife," we all sang together. "And learn to live...the unexamined life!"_

I stared in shock. Had I really been videoed singing?

**Wow! I don't know how much longer that chapter could've been. I needed Stephanie to sing something. Review!**


	23. Chapter 22

**Next up, "Springfield, Springfield", "Who Needs The Kwik-E-Mart", "Send In The Clowns" and "See My Vest." Thanks for reviewing, lazy4ever, longlivethecookiemonster and Sailor Pluto.**

Bart got on my nerves after that, singing to me and Dad "Mom was right, your singing's a sin, you're both _Les Miserable _like Lee Marvin..." Dad began to strangle him.

"Sure all their singing could make your hair curl." Mom smiled. "But you too, Bart, have sung and danced like a girl."

"Not all girls dance, and some boys sing!" I trilled, but Bart had frozen, as Mom pushed the Play button and a clip of Bart singing played. I remembered seeing this, and what Bart had done, but not the song.

_Bart and Milhouse drank a Squishee made entirely of syrup. They actually got hyper on it, as if they were drunk._

"_OK, we're young and full of sugar." Bart said, eyes slightly out of focus. "What do we do?"_

"_Let's go crazy, Broadway style!" Milhouse yelled. They high-fived each other and then ran around Springfield as they sang._

"_Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town." they sang together._

"_The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down._

_The stray dogs go to the animal pound..."_

"_Springfield, Springfield," Bart sang._

"_Springfield, Springfield.." Milhouse echoed._

_Some random guy started singing "New York, New York" until Bart told him New York was a different way._

"_It's a hell of a town!" Bart and Milhouse finished._

Lisa smiled mischievously at a humiliated Bart, getting my approval after Bart had annoyed me. "That was pretty bad, Bart," she carolled, "But it could have been worse.

You could have been carrying a sequinned purse."

"You really like to dance and sing!" I sang.

"No, that's really more of a Milhouse thing!" Bart shot back, practically dancing away.

Mom told him how graceful he was, but-

"Nobody move, or I'll blow your heads off!" Snake, a jailbird had jumped through our window and was now aiming a gun at us. Most of the family clung together, but I didn't. I held Maggie and crouched on the couch, tense.

"It's a desperate criminal, on the run from the law." Mom sang. "Please spare my children."

"And their pa." added Dad.

Snake lowered his gun, singing too. "A singing family, it's worse than I feared.

For hostage purposes, you're just too weird! Bye!" And then he left, making me giggle.

"See, all this singing scared him away." sighed Dad. "If we just talked like normal, he'd probably stay."

"Many people in this town, sing like we do." Lisa pointed out. "There's Mr Burns, there's Krusty, and even Apu..."

We remembered those times. Apu once got fired by the Kwik-E-Mart for a bit and came to live with us, and it was like he was one of the family.

"_Whether igloo, hut or lean-to or a geodiscic dome, there's no structure I have been to which I'd rather call my home." Apu said. When Grampa came up, he took his cane and spun it around, skipping into the front room. "When I first arrived, you were all such jerks." he sang. "But now I've come to love your perks._

_Maggie with her eyes so bright, Marge with hair by Frank Ford Wright,_

_Lisa can philosophise, Bart's adept at spinning lies, Steph's cynic brings tear-filled eyes..." he paused._

"_Homer's a delightful fella, sorry 'bout the salmonella." He was talking about the food poisoning Dad got from the off food he sold the man._

_Dad laughed. "That's OK."_

_Apu jumped up onto a chair and sang "Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?_

_Now here's the tricky part._

_Oh, won't you rhyme with me?_

_Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?"_

_He pointed the cane at Mom first. "Their floors are sticky-mart!" she sang._

_Next Lisa. "They made Dad sick-E-Mart!"_

"_Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart!" Bart sang when the cane was pointed at him._

_Then the cane was pointed at me. "Swap to the Wiki-Mart!" I sang, thinking of Wikipedia._

"_The Kwik-E-Mart is real – d'oh!" Dad sang._

_Then we all chipped in. "Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?"_

"_Not me!" Apu sang._

"_Forget the Kwik-E-Mart," we all sang over him. "Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart, who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?"_

"_Not me!" Apu finished again._

_About five minutes later, though, we found Apu on the roof, crying. "Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I do!" he howled at the moon._

"_Hey, he's not happy at all." Dad said. "He lied to us through song! I hate when people do that!"_

Lisa was also remembering the time she and Bart helped Krusty get back on the air after his show got cancelled.

_Krusty sat on the stage, with a depressed air. "Send in the clowns." he sang sorrowfully._

"_Those daffy, laffy clowns." It was a very sad song, and Krusty broke down in tears halfway through._

"_They're al-read-y here!" Sideshow Mel appeared from backstage, and Krusty immediately began to smile as those words he sang. Bart and Lisa had mentioned that he'd refused to rejoin Krusty, but now he'd chosen to again, although Krusty still had a substitute sidekick – Sideshow Luke Perry!_

Of course, I knew the other time Lisa was thinking about, when Mr Burns was planning to make a tuxedo out of our greyhound puppies, and showed off all his animal skin clothes. 'Nuff said. I'm not recording all that again.

"Because he was singing, we overheard his plan and could save those dogs from that mean old man." Lisa sang.

"It still wasn't worth Burns' song and dance." Bart argued.

That's when Snake came back. "Because of you all, I got a tune in my head,

And the only way to stop it is to make you all dead!"

"I knew I should've shut that window." Dad said quietly.

**OK, one more chapter, then I'll do your request, sideshow cellophane.**


	24. Chapter 23

**OK, last part of "All Singing, All Dancing"! Thanks so much to kkman57, Sailor Pluto, simpsonsfan101, anon, lazy4ever, Darth Sith'ari and Sideshow Cellophane.**

Snake had to leave, because he didn't have any ammo to shoot us with.

"Even the criminals are beginning to croon." Dad sighed.

"Homie, this whole town runs on a tune." Mom pointed out. "Our churches, our clubs-"

"Teenage parties too." I added.

"Springfield swings like a pendulum do!" Bart sang.

"We can't even get any local laws passed," Lisa smiled. "Without everyone singing, like a big Broadway cast..."

We were reminded of the time we had three million dollars to blow and a con-man called Lyle Lanley talked the town into spending it on him making a monorail. Before that, we were planning to fix Main Street, at Mom's suggestion – except no one listened to her except Grampa, who started arguing, so they all thought it was his idea. Anyway...

"_What'd I say?" Lanley prompted._

"_Monorail!" called out Ned Flanders._

"_What's it called?"_

"_Monorail." chorused Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma._

"_That's right, monorail!" Lanley cried, now playing the piano on the stage of the Town Hall._

_The townspeople muttered the word. Then Lisa's teacher, Ms Hoover stood up and said anxiously "I hear those things are awfully loud."_

"_It glides as softly as a cloud." Lanley assured her._

"_Is there a chance the track could bend?" asked Apu._

"_Not on your life, my Hindu friend."_

"_What about us brain-dead slobs?" Barney asked._

"_You'll be given cushy jobs."_

"_Were you sent here by the devil?" Grampa demanded.  
"No, good sir, I'm on the level."_

"_The ring came off my pudding can." sighed Chief Wiggum._

"_Take my penknife, my good man!" offered Lanley, then he returned to the piano, as the pace changed. "I swear, it's Springfield's only choice, throw up your hands and raise your voice!"_

"_Monorail!" we all sang, even me. Mom didn't, though._

"_What's it called?"_

"_Monorail!"_

"_Once again!"_

"_Monorail!" we were all standing up, hands raised._

"_But Main Street's still all cracked and broken." Mom frowned._

_Bart spoke up. "Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken."_

_We all broke out, chanting the word. The piano finished._

"_Mono-" Dad began, then everyone looked at him. "D'oh!"_

Bart had a tiny smile on his face. He was remembering the time he played a prank on every Christian in church one Sunday, giving them hymns that weren't hymns at all.

"_In the garden of Eden, honey," everyone in church sang._

"_Don't you know that I love you?_

_In the garden of Eden, baby,_

_Don't you know that I'll always be true?"_

_Bart chuckled, and I looked at him. Then I looked again at the song sheets, and realized. Then I sang along a lot more happily._

Milhouse had told on Bart for the hymn prank, but I guess it was seriously offending for the very few serious Christians in Springfield. But anyway, some of the parties I'd been to had even better songs.

_Halfway through the night, someone put on a soundtrack to some musical with puppets that was R-13, called something like "Avenue Q", like Sesame Street. People got bored and listened a little to a few of the songs, but after the theme and the song "It Sucks To Be Me", the song "If You Were Gay" started up, and everyone burst out laughing when it got to the bridge._

_By the time it got to the last verse, everyone was yelling/singing "If you were gay, I'd shout hooray!_

_And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way."_

After I told my family about that, Dad told us about the song he sang when he was a member of the Stonecutters, a weird club.

"_Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down?" sang the organization._

"_We do, we do!"_

"_Who leave Atlantis off the maps?" Carl sang on his own._

"_Who keeps the Martians under wraps?" Lenny sang._

"_We do! We do!" sang the whole group._

"_Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?_

_We do, we do!"_

"_Who robs crayfish of their sight?" sang Skinner._

"_Who rigs every Oscar night?" carolled Dad._

"_We do!" the men sang. "We do!"_

"All right, Marge." Dad admitted. "You've convinced me there are more terrible things, than musical comedies where everyone sings!"

While my brother and sisters did a kickline, I did some hip hop moves around them.

"There is something worse..." sang Lisa.

"And it really does blow..." added Bart.

"When a long running series, does a cheesy clip show!" we all belted out, intending that to be the last line.

But noooo, Snake came in again, singing "I'm back to commit felonious assault, because your infernal singing just would not halt."

"Actually, we're done." Mom told him, without singing.

"And not a moment too soon." Dad answered.

"I can't think I'll ever want to sing again after that." I said.

"OK, then," Snake said amiably, "Well, I got no beef with you." He left, and we all went to get ready for dinner. Mom shut the window, humming, but immediately gunshots went through the window. "All right, all right!" she snapped, no longer humming. "Sorry!"

That was probably one of the more fun times I had with my family. After that one time I got told that I sing all the time, no one annoyed me. It was just a fun thing, even though Snake did try to kill us. Hey, whatever.

**Yay, next up, I'm going to do "Brother From Another Series". One of my favourite episodes, and the one that made me think there was more to Sideshow Bob than a villainous personality.**


	25. Chapter 24

**OK, here we go! Enjoy! Thanks for reviewing, Sideshow Cellophane, Sailor Pluto, Ifab1ndiya and lazy4ever.**

Remember that time when Bart was getting threatening letters and "Sideshow" Bob tried to kill him? Well, stuff happened when he came back into our lives. It was just after my fourteenth birthday, and we were watching Krusty's Prison Special. (By the way, Bob had been out of prison a couple other times by then, but I'd never really seen much of him, although Bart and Lisa had tangled with him).

Anyway, Krusty was talking to some of the prisoners, and came across the ex-sidekick.

"Hey hey!" Krusty exclaimed. "It's my old TV sidekick, Sideshow Bob! Why, I haven't seen you in years. What have you been doing with yourself, Bob?" He held the microphone out.

"Well, Krusty, as you may remember," Bob said, "After I tried to frame you for armed robbery, I tried to murder Selma Bouvier. Let's see...I rigged the mayoral elections, I tried to blow up Springfield with a nuclear device, and I tried to kill you..."

Krusty frowned at that mention. "Oh, yeah, yeah."

"And," Bob continued. "Whenever I could find a spare moment, I've tried to murder Bart Simpson."

Bart was on his feet immediately, screaming, and then running upstairs.

"He said tried!" Dad called after him.

We ended up all going upstairs to comfort him. Mom did OK, but Dad kept undoing her good work. So Mom would say something about Bob being in prison for life, but Dad would mention that he could get out, since he'd done it before.

"Thanks for trying, guys," Bart said in a subdued voice, "But Sideshow Bob wants me dead, and Sideshow Bob is an unstoppable killing machine."

I scoffed at that. "He isn't! Do you think I'd still be alive if that was true, considering how much I've talked to him?"

"Why do you talk to him when you can anyway, Stephanie?" Lisa asked, narrowing her eyes.

"He's more interesting than all of you." I answered, rolling my own eyes. "And I got him to sing a song from my favourite musical."

Was it such a coincidence that we heard that Reverend Lovejoy had been impressed with the way Bob had been conducting himself in prison and had recommended him for the work-release program? Well, I think it was less of a coincidence that Bob had a brother (Cecil Terwilliger) who happily hired him as a supervisor for the hydrological and hydrodynamical engineer.

I can still remember the mob outside the prison that day he left with Cecil. People were waving placards with statements things like "Ban The Bob", "You're Making A Mistakes" and "Crime Yes, Criminals No".

"Get back in there!" I could hear one person yelling. Being into art, I had made a placard, but just a joke one. My one said "Beat the Bart Blues". It was alliteration for "Stop Trying To Kill My Brother".

"He's just faking it to get out of jail!" Bart was saying in a fearful tone, standing in the mob with me and Mom (we'd all come). "He's a maniac!"

Mayor Quimby stepped forward. "Bob is no maniac." he told everyone. "He explained his reasons for trying to kill us all, and I assure you they were perfectly sane."

I laughed at that. "Murder has sane reasons?" Everyone was scoffing at that.

Bob defended himself. "My friends, please..." he pleaded. "I make no secret of my past. But isn't our law system built on the idea that a man can change?"

I watched him carefully as the police muttered something about that. Bob seemed sincere, but he'd been able to convince people before. Was he really reforming?

"I know I don't deserve another chance," he said. "But this is America, and as an American, aren't I entitled to one?"

"Probably!" cried someone.

"Can't you find it in your hearts just to let me live and work in peace?"

Everyone except Bart began to cheer, including me. I believed everything he'd said. He really seemed to have accepted his mistakes, which really was the key for me. If he hadn't said about not making a secret of his past and not deserving another chance, I wouldn't have believed it, but as it was, I was able to smile at Bob and wish him good luck on his new life (before everyone else rushed over) before he waved to everyone and got into Cecil's car.

It was during the end of summer that this happened, since it was just after my fourteenth birthday in July, so school was just starting. But Bart's grades were dropping lower (if that was possible) because he was so focused on Bob and everything. He kept dragging at least someone along to spy. First he dragged Milhouse along with him. I followed at a distance, listening to the two boys discuss what they were thinking was happening.

My eyes were fixed on Bob and Cecil at that moment. I saw Bob narrow his eyes, even from that far-off distance across the dam. I was hidden, but I saw him smile, and I realized he had spotted the boys.

He waved. "Hello, Bart!" he called (Yes, it was that loud). Bart ducked down, and Bob turned and said something to Cecil at a normal volume that I couldn't hear.

Next, Bart dragged me along to spy on Bob while he was on a date with Bart's teacher, Mrs Krabappel (I'd had her in fourth grade too, and she had a weird thing about dangerous guys).

When Bart decided he couldn't be bothered letting it go any further, he ran up and warned his teacher.

She scowled, and said "Well, that's the last time I announce my dinner plans in class." before leaving.

Bob scowled at Bart too. "That was Edna Krabbapel. You only get one chance with Edna Krabbapel. I hope you're happy."

"I won't be happy until I find out what you're up to." Bart shot back. "Wherever you go and whatever you do, I'll be there, watching and waiting." Once he'd gone, I sidled up to the ex-convict.

"Hey." I said sweetly. "Bart's getting kind of paranoid, huh? I know you're innocent this time."

"Hello, Stephanie." Bob said. "I noticed that placard you had when I first left prison. It's pretty hard to keep all thoughts of killing Bart out when he's following me everywhere, though."

"Just a warning, he might drag me into it again." I told him. "I might end up seeing you more. Bye." I walked out of the restaurant.

**What did you think? All you need to do to tell me is review!**


	26. Chapter 25

**OK, a bit more of the chapter coming. Enjoy! Thanks for reviewing, Sideshow Cellophane (I have read the comic you referred to – that panel with Lisa hugging Cecil is priceless) and NewSlove, and I'm probably not going to do my own storyline. I've got a few more requests, and the Simpsons Movie will serve as a finale. Also, thanks to Sailor Pluto, lazy4ever, and kkman57.**

**insert name here: I'm sorry, but I probably won't do any more of these types of episodes. I have seen "The Italian Bob" multiple times on Smotri (Best bit-Family: SIDESHOW BOB! Bob: THE SIMPSONS! All: AHH!), but there are only 11 Bob episodes.**

Bart didn't need to drag me any further into this. But he still did, and then got Lisa involved too. Bart dragged me along to spy around the time the workmen were working.

"I'm telling you, Cecil, I can't take much more of this!" Bob was saying to his brother in a low angry voice. "Rustic workmen who've turned the Sanijohn into a smokehouse! Coveralls that don't quite cover all! And a psychotic little boy who will not stop hounding me with his sister! These two right here!" He violently turned the pipe that we had been hiding in.

I smiled awkwardly and got out of the pipe. "Hi, sorry about that. Seriously, the kid just drags me along. He has a lot of strength for a little kid."

Next time, Bart told Lisa and I we'd go to Dairy Queen, but he was actually going to the Dumpster outside the Terwilligers' house. When Lisa confronted him, he said casually "I lied. Now help me rummage through the trash for clues, then I promise we'll go to the water slide."

"OK." Lisa said, jumping in

"Catch me going in there." I scowled. "You're wasting your time."

My brother and sister froze, suddenly seeing a shadow fall over them. Both of them screamed.

"You again!" Bob dropped the bags of trash he'd been holding and snapped "Well, that's it. I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago..."

I couldn't help but get a little worried when he talked in that low angry tone. But all he was planning to do was notify Mom and Dad, so I had no choice but to follow him back to Evergreen Terrace after he collared Bart and Lisa.

He knocked on the door, and when Mom opened it, he announced "Your children are no more...than a trio of ill-bred troublemakers."

"Hey!" I protested. "It wasn't my idea."

"Lisa too?" Dad asked.

"What is this? Denounce Stephanie Day?" I snapped. "I'm no troublemaker."

Everyone annoyed me at that moment. "Especially Lisa!" Bob continued. "But _especially _Bart...and sometimes Stephanie. If any of them cross me one more time, well, I can't be held responsible for my actions." He dropped my siblings and walked out.

But was Bart going to give up? No. He insisted on us going to the construction site after Mom and Dad were asleep. Again, he dragged me and Lisa along.

We looked through the stuff obediently. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear Bob was building a dam." Lisa muttered sarcastically.

"Oh yeah?" said Bart. "Then explain this!" He turned around a suitcase on the desk that was full of...money. Lisa and I gasped.

"That can't be right!" I exclaimed. "He only tried to get money once. Otherwise, his crimes are all revenge, revenge, revenge."

That's when we heard a sound of the door being smashed, and a hand reached through to open the door from the inside. Bart and Lisa screamed and jumped behind the water cooler, and I slipped behind the cabinets.

"Who left the lights on?" Bob opened the door. "Who's in here? Cletus, Cousin Merle, Big Hungry Joe?"

"I think he may have spotted us." Bart's voice.

"RUN!" screamed Lisa. All three of us ran out, Bart clutching the suitcase of money.

"You three." I heard Bob mutter angrily as he was about to give chase. We ran through some door, and heard him call "Be careful! There's hydroelectricity in there!"

The place was a maze. We all ran, but we could only run for so long. We only had a few minutes before we were cornered in a room.

"Will you children stop tormenting me? I've done nothing wrong!"

Bart's scared face hardened. "Give it up, Bob. We found the money!" He opened the suitcase.

Bob stared at the suitcase, looking puzzled. "Where did that come from? I've never seen that money before in my life!"

While Lisa made accusations, I scanned his face, looking for signs of whether he was lying or telling the truth. I knew that Bob was good at looking innocent while lying, but it just didn't seem like him to take money.

That's when we found out that the concrete in the dam was...hollow, and Lisa made the assumption that was where the money came from.

"But I wasn't in charge of the money." Bob protested. "Cecil was. Look, let's stop bickering, and get out of here. This dam could collapse at any minute."

"One minute past sunrise, to be precise!" I stared. Cecil stood in the doorway, tossing a bit of dynamite up and down, and holding a gun. "Once I blow up the dam, there'll be no evidence of missing concrete and I walk away with fifteen million."

"But everyone will know you did this!" Lisa objected.

I glanced back at Bob. "It could be anyone in the dam." I pointed out. "Who's the obvious answer? Who's new to working here? Who's been working here instead of being in jail?"

Cecil smirked. "So there is one smart person here."

Bob had an insulted look on his face, and then he realized. "Oh, me."

Cecil looked so pleased with himself. "Yes, I'm framing you, and I'm doing a really excellent job, too."

I took a step forward, although I kept my hands up. "We just need the guilt in doing this." I quipped. "Once you die from that, you can burn in hell. Won't that be nice for you?"

Cecil glanced over at his brother. "So, I assume that's the Simpson's oldest daughter?"

"Damn straight." I jumped in. "So you've heard of me? How lovely. Now drop the gun and go away. I've disarmed a man before, I can do it again." I was bluffing, of course. I had disarmed Burns, but he didn't really count, since he got all sentimental about people standing up.

Cecil rolled his eyes. "So how come you're the one with your hands up and not me?"

I was silent.

"This is all because I got to be Krusty's sidekick instead of you, isn't it?" Bob said.

"Off the record, yes." Cecil answered. "But officially, I did it for the money. Speaking of which-" he aimed the gun straight at Bart - "Hand it over."

Bart looked at the gun and gave the suitcase to Cecil, who backed out of the room with the gun. "Ta." He slammed the door.

Then he opened it again. "I forgot to mention, I'm planning to blow up the dam with you inside."

"Well, obviously." said Bob.

It hit me that we were going to die, whether he blew up the dam or shot us. My reflexes kicked in before my mind did. I ran forward...everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that.

Cecil pulled the trigger, but I only just dodged the bullet. It fell to the ground...then the door locked behind Cecil, and things were back to normal.

Bart struggled to unlock the door, while Lisa looked on, saying how hopeless it was.

"Oh, I see." said Bob sarcastically. "When it's one of my schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you, it's 'hopeless, utterly utterly hopeless'." Lisa glared at him as he continued "Well, if you kids aren't going to foil him, I'll have to do it myself."

I watched as he grabbed a stray plank of wood and wedged it in the path of the water.

"Stephanie, that was a smart move." Lisa said sarcastically. "Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"How was I to know he was going to work out how to get out of here?" I replied.

"Come on, quickly now!" Bob called to us. Lisa and I ran up the stairs, but Bart stayed, simply watching.

Bob saw his mistrust immediately. "Bart...for once, I'm not trying to kill you." he insisted. "I know it's an awkward situation and I don't like it any more than you do, but you've got to trust me!"

Bart must have seen the choice as die or possibly die. He shrugged. "Aw, what the hell." he followed us.

After the jump, we were able to climb up a ladder and get out a way that wasn't blocked.

The minute Bart was out and recovered, he immediately exclaimed "Let's go again, let's go again!"

"No!" cried Lisa.

"Come on, children!" Bob said. "Let's go thwart my brother!"

We would have stayed together, except Bart wanted to contront and stall Cecil himself, and I decided to come along for the ride. The difference: I knew to stay hidden when Cecil managed to get Bart helpless. "At last, I'm going to do what Bob never could," he proclaimed proudly, "Kill Bart Simpson!"  
I could hear Bart's more quiet response from my hiding place. "By throwing me off a dam? Isn't that a little crude for a genius like you?"

I decided not to keep quiet at that point, and call out. "That's so true!"

"I suppose it is." I strained to hear Cecil say. Finally, he shrugged. "If anyone asks, I'll lie."

And then I froze. Bart screamed as he fell. I heard Lisa scream our brother's name.

But it was Bob who acted. He was holding onto a piece of dynamite and some of those cutting things for electrical wires. With one hand, he hung onto the dynamite, and with the other free, he jumped down and caught Bart in mid air.

I didn't hear what happened, but Bob cut the wires before Cecil could blow up the dam. I heard their scream, though. Then they took a breath and screamed some more...right before they fell onto a pipe next to a platform.

I couldn't hear what was happening, but I saw them both saying something to each other, then Bart backing away nervously, and finally, Bob laughing a bit at his expression.

Things would have been perfect if Chief Wiggum hadn't decided both brothers were guilty. Lisa and I defended Bob, actually, but Chief Idiot still arrested him.

"But you can't do this!" Bob called out as he was locked into the police car. "I saved the children's lives! I'm a hero!"

I heard Cecil say something as I walked close to the car, and then Bob called "You'll live to regret this!"

Then I was close enough to see him turn to Cecil and say "Oh, thanks a lot. Now I look crazy."

"Huh." Bart said, after I got back. He was looking down at Springfield, which was quiet this early. "Funny, isn't it, Lise? Steph? Those people down there have no idea how close they came to complete destruction."

Then the three of us walked home.

**Next up, "The Secret War Of Lisa Simpson". It's close to my heart (one of the few episodes I remember watching on TV as a little kid (rerun, since it aired when I was two, and I was seven), and that scene of Bart watching out the window at Lisa's dorm...wow.**


	27. Chapter 26

**OK, next episode here! Hope you like it! Thanks for reviewing kkman57, and Sideshow Cellophane, yes, I'd be honoured if you used Stephanie. Just be sure to keep her a cynical "my-family-is-crazy" thirteen-year-old. To Flush: I've seen "All About Lisa", and I didn't really follow it. Could you suggest another episode with Krusty and Mel, if you still would like me to do one of those types?**

It wasn't long afterwards that the fourth grade went on this field trip to the police station.

I just realized how weird that sounded. But anyway, they really did. But Bart just had to play a prank. What he did, was put fifteen loudspeakers together, and yell "Testing" into them, breaking all the glass, and making the ringing in everyone's ears go on for the next few hours.

Anyway, Mom and Dad decided they'd have to take drastic measures this time, and talked it through with Chief Wiggum. Lisa and I listened, but didn't comment.

Chief first suggested behaviour-modifying drugs, but Mom argued heatedly with that. "He just needs a little discipline."

"Hey, what about military school?" suggested Chief Wiggum. "It set my brother straight."

"Maybe he's right." Mom said thoughtfully. "Military school is a good idea."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You've done all sorts of things. What makes you think military school's going to work? You're just going to abandon Bart at a school and have me and Lisa stay at home? What an unfair thing to do." Things had happened before. Forbidding Bart to EVER see the _Itchy and Scratchy Movie, _sending him off to France for three months, Mom going all cold that Christmas when he tried to steal a video game. The lesson never lasted.

When I got up and stalked out of the room, I heard Chief Wiggum say "She could probably benefit from some time at military school too. I don't know how you even managed to produce one non screwed-up kid."

At that point, Lisa walked out, and we went up to our room.

"So...you think they'll send Bart?" I asked.

Lisa shrugged. "Yeah, but he really was asking for it, this time."

"Do you think they'll try to send me?"

Lisa shrugged again. "Probably not. I don't think there are military schools that accept girls."

Bart did end up getting enrolled a few weeks later, everyone else telling him we were going to Disneyland.

When he was at last told, he accused everyone of lying, and Dad actually said something like a parent.

"Well, I'm sorry if you heard Disneyland, but I distinctly said 'military school'."

We were shown around the school when we first got there. Lisa admired the disciplined boys and the discussion of poetry. "Oh, we never do that at my school."

Bart, on the other hand, was horrified. "Please don't make me stay!" he pleaded with Dad. "I'll do anything you say! I'll find religion, I'll be good sometimes."

"Let go of me." Dad ordered.

"No!"

"Son, for the last time, you're staying at military school!"

"And so am I."

We all gasped when Lisa spoke up. "This school has everything I ever wanted." she smiled.

"Lisa, no!" cried Mom. "This place is just a jail for children!"

"No jail can hold me!" Bart said quickly, but he was brought back the minute he ran off.

Mom relented. "OK, Lisa, we'll talk to the Head. But if you're staying, Stephanie should stay too."

I shook my head. "You're not dragging me into this."

"You did say it was unfair to send Bart here and have you and Lisa stay at home." Mom pointed out. "And Chief Wiggum did say that you would benefit from just a term here."

I looked around the place. I looked at Bart's nervous face, Lisa's hopeful one. Then I sighed.

"OK."

The head decided to accept Lisa and I as female cadets. Then Mom said "Lisa, if you ever want to quit and come home, I'll be here in half a jiff."

"I want to quit and come home." Bart said. He repeated it as we donned uniforms and Mom and Dad walked off.

"Oh, honey, I heard you the first time." Mom said. She kissed all of us goodbye, and our parents drove off.

The head introduced us to the other boys, and then told them that this was the girls' dorm, and the boys would now have to room with Company L, whatever they were.

"Sorry." Lisa said to each boy who glared at us. "I know we'll be friends! Talk about getting off on the wrong foot." She giggled uneasily.

I could hear a couple of the boys talking angrily. "I can't believe they let girls in."

"Don't worry, we'll drive them out of the academy. That is why God created hazing."

I'd never experienced proper hazing before (unless you count lunchtime in the locker), and I never want to again. It was all three of us in tracksuits, doing push-ups as it rained, and the other students stood around us.

"What's the matter?" one boy taunted me and Lisa (they didn't taunt Bart, though). "Don't girls like doing push-ups in the mud?"

"Is there any answer I can give that won't result in more push-ups?" Lisa asked weakly.

The boys consulted, then one answered "No."

Lisa was finding it harder than Bart and I, since we were both better at Gym than her, and I was older anyway.

That wasn't the only thing the cadets made us do. We had to scrub a statue with our toothbrushes.

"I don't think I can survive this." Bart said weakly, stopping the scrubbing for a moment.

"That's what they want you to feel. But if you just hang in there, they'll eventually accept you."

"Get to work!" one of the boys ordered, when he saw them stopping. I continuted to scrub, but I childishly pulled a face at the cadet.

Then I said "I didn't know there were any girls here, apart from my sister." I pretended to look at him hard, then added "Oh, sorry, I thought only girls were perfectionists at cleaning."

The boy scowled. "You're a girl, so you better get scrubbing!" He walked off.

"If I'm such a girl, so are you!" I yelled after him. Then I turned to my siblings. "They won't accept a girl at any point, Lise. Might as well have some fun with them."

They even spun us on plane propellers, using one plane to spin Bart and I, and one to spin Lisa. That was the finale, though, and I closed my eyes throughout, so it wasn't too bad.

"What say, you men?" called the cadet that seemed to be the leader. "Have these two lowly maggots passed the test?"

The boys cheered, and let us down.I'd never felt such a rush. Even though I was a girl, I'd still gained their respect.

But Lisa hadn't.

**OK, I know it was a little weird for the boys to accept Stephanie, but she's different to Lisa, so I thought they'd more easily accept her. Please review!**


	28. Chapter 27

**OK, next we have a little more life at school. Hope you like it! Thanks for reviewing, Flush, AnnaleaseTurner, MidoriPoet (Green poet?) and NewSlove.**

Things got easier for me, at least. Bart aced most things out of classrooms, and I even became friends with some of the boys, younger and older. But I did feel guilty when I saw Lisa sitting alone, or struggling to maintain a gun.

I sometimes talked to her when we lay in bed at night, apologizing at times, but she always insisted she was OK.

The guy at the head of the cadets was a boy called Stewart (we all called each other by our last names most of the time), who was the same age as me. Basically, if he decided he didn't like someone, no one liked them. So because Lisa was not only a girl, but a "weakling" as my friend Fielding claimed, Stewart decided he didn't like her. That meant that everyone either froze her out or bullied her. I knew Lisa was stronger than she seemed, but I kept quiet about it. Bart never defended Lisa either, but it was so obvious he wanted to, he might as well have. But the boys didn't seem to notice either of us going quiet when Lisa's name was mentioned.

I was sitting with a bunch of the boys one day at lunchtime, including Stewart. Although he'd accepted me, I knew he was dubious about me, since I was a girl. The boys were talking about some stupid playstation game.

Finally, Stewart looked at me and said "Simpson, don't you have an opinion on this? Or do you just play _SingStar _and play girly Diva Starz games?"

I knew by his face that he really wanted to expose me as another girly girl, like Lisa (Like Diva Starz is even around any more). So I kept my cool, and said "That _Bonestorm _game that came out last year blew my head off, practically. It sucked so much that the tagline should have been 'buy me _Bonestorm _and go to hell', instead of 'buy me _Bonestorm _OR go to hell'."

There was a pause. Then the boys all started laughing.

"Good one, Simpson." Wills said, punching me in the arm. I punched him back, laughing too.

One night, Mom and Dad sent us a tape cassete and a hand cassette player, which Lisa and I listened to together. Lisa even went over to ask Bart to come join us, but she said he wouldn't even admit he was talking to her.

The next day, Bart did have the decency to come and apologize. "Sorry I froze you out, Lise. I just didn't want the boys think I'd gone soft on the weakling girl issue."

"I'm tired of being an issue." Lisa sighed. "Maybe we'd be better off if I just quit."

"You, quit?" I sighed. "Lise, you can't. You're the only reason I'm here."

"You're gonna make it, Lise." Bart said. "We're both gonna stick by you, right, Steph?" I nodded, but I wasn't sure.

Lisa put my doubt into words. "Why should we all be outcasts?"

Bart smiled. "We can just stick by you in secret!"

"Don't worry." I said. "We can support you without marking ourselves as softies."

It was only weeks later that we were introduced to the Eliminator. Basically, it was a rope forty feet above a bed of thorns.

It wasn't just the three of us Simpsons that were horrified. The other boys looked terrified, too, even Stewart.

At lunch that day, Bart slipped Lisa and I notes to meet at the Eliminator over lights out to practise with a rope if we did fall.

Bart made it across in about an hour of waiting, and although I found it harder (I'm not as strong as Bart, remember), I made it across, just about.

But for Lisa, it was impossible. She tried to crawl across, but she claimed her hands were slipping straight away, and fell, with only the rope saving her.

"I can't do this." she lamented. "I'm not strong enough.

"It was worth sneaking into town." Bart and I panicked when we saw Stewart and a couple of his friends, also out after lights out, and Bart pulled the rope up so they wouldn't see Lisa.

"Hey, Simpsons." Adams greeted us with a puzzled look. "What are you doing out here?"

"You and your sister?" Miller scrunched up his face, addressing Bart. "That's what it looks like."

Bart grimaced too.

"Your imagination is so screwed-up, Miller." I said. "It's nothing like that."

"So what is it?" Stewart challenged.

"It sure looks weird." Adams added.

"Yeah?" Bart said, obviously trying to make up an excuse frantically. "Well...what are you doing out here?"

That stumped the boys. "Uh..." Adams said, "Also nothing."

"Right."

"Right."

"Then carry on."

"Alright, we will."

That night was spent tossing and turning, for both Lisa and I. Crossing the Eliminator would be certain death for Lisa, but she'd fail if she didn't. Really, she needed proper support from Bart and I. But we couldn't stand up for our sister in front of the other boys.

Everyone before Lisa got across the Eliminator easily enough. All the boys congratulated first Bart, then me (in a family, they had the boy, and then the oldest girl, even though L is before S).

"Last, Simpson: Lisa."

Lisa looked nervous, but she began to move across. All the boys started yelling at her to fail, and I looked at Bart helplessly. He shrugged.

Finally, halfway through, Lisa's hands slipped, and she only hung by her legs. The boys cheered and began a chant. "Drop! Drop! Drop! Drop!"

I looked back at Bart for a second. He nodded, just quickly, but I caught it.

"You can make it, Lise!" He called. "I know you can! Come on, I know you can do it."

"Just get your hands back on the rope, you've got it!" I called, joining it. Lisa's eyes widened, and she made it. The other boys tried to shut us up, but they couldn't.

Lisa made it. "You said I couldn't, but I did and I could do it again, let's do it again!" she babbled, waving her hands in the air victoriously.

"Lisa, it's over." Bart gave her a hug. "You made it."

I hugged her too. "You know, you can put your arms down."

Lisa frowned. "They're stuck!"

Suddenly, I was whirled around, along with Bart. Adams had turned him around, and Wills had done that to me.

Stewart was standing between them. "You two will have your lives made a living hell for the rest of the semester." He glared venomously at me in particular. "I knew it was stupid to think a girl could be one of us."

"But graduation's in three hours, Stewart." Fielding suddenly protested.

Adams gasped. "We better go get into our graduation gowns!"

Graduating from military school was one of the best feelings of my life. Mom and Dad at last came back, and after a visit to the dentist, we were home, and happy to be there, with modified behaviour.

NOT.

**OK, so I guess "Kamp Krusty" is next up. Please review!**


	29. Chapter 28

**OK. Thanks for reviewing, Sailor Pluto, Sideshow Cellophane, kkman57 and Flush. I will now do "Lemon Of Troy".**

Town pride. Can't live with it, can't live without it. I say that cause the night Mom was telling Bart off for writing his name in wet cement took place just before Shelbyville stole our lemon tree. She said it was defacing Springfield. "What would Jebadiah Springfield say?"

"I couldn't care less what he'd say." I remarked. "Just cause he was the town founder doesn't mean a thing." (Months later, Lisa found out that Jebidiah Springfield was a fake, even though he was the town founder).

"I'm sure he'd be cool with it." Bart said calmly.

"When you wear a Springfield Isotopes cap, you're wearing Springfield." Mom said. "When you eat a fish from our lake, you're eating Springfield. When you make lemonade from our lemon trees, you're drinking Springfield."

"Mom, when you make a speech like that, you're boring Springfield." Bart told her.

It was only a couple days later that a couple of Bart's friends were selling lemonade. Only Lisa actually bought any, but when the two kids went to the lemon tree, I joined them.

While the kids picked one, I heard a voice say "Springfield sucks!"

I spun around. There were a few kids standing at the boundary in between Springfield and Shelbyville. Most of them were boys around Bart's age, but there were two girls, one of about eight, and the other my age. The kid who had spoken was freckled, and acted like he thought he was cool.

Bart stepped up to him. "Hey, stop talking bad about my town, man!"

"Why don't you make me?" the boy countered.

"I don't make trash, I burn it."

"Well, I guess that makes you a garbageman."

"Oh, I know you are, but what am I?"

"A garbageman."

Bart and the other kid said that twice more before Bart said "Takes one to know one." He left the kid at a loss.

"Anyway, Shelbyville always sucks." I said. "They're so bad that they try to push their suckiness on another town. Way to run from your fears, Shelbyville. Plus, Springfield's so much better that you just couldn't push it on us the right way."

The girl of my age glared back. "You don't know our town, but you sure know yours. You're bringing our town down by being next to it!"

"Yeah, it was already down so low that our town looks like Los Angeles next to your town, which is Canberra in Australia." I countered.

Milhouse was the next to speak, directing it at another kid. "Hey, kid, stop wearing your backpack over one shoulder. We invented that. Copycat!"

"You copied us!" The boy he'd spoken to argued.

The Shelbyville kids were taking our lemons too. So we decided to give them all ours, throwing them so hard they splattered the kids with the sour fruit and the citric acid. We started laughing so hard, that we almost didn't catch it when Bart's counterpart threatened us.

Grampa was there, for some reason. He told us all about how it had started at the beginning. Apparently, the only reason Jebidiah Springfield fell out with his friend, who founded Shelbyville, was because his friend thought that they would all marry their cousins. No, I'm dead serious.

But who would want to marry their cousins? I didn't even have any cousins! (**A/N: I know Selma adopted a Chinese girl, but I'm ignoring that episode.)**

It was a week later when Bart told me about the lemon tree being stolen. He decided to gather a group of kids to find the tree and take it home.

"I am not missing out on that!" I claimed. "This will be so cool!"

Bart shrugged. "If you want to tag along, whatever."

"I'm not tagging along." I sighed. "I'm going to actually be of help."

I even got Tasha to join us. She was, after all, my best friend. But Bart was leading us, and he'd gathered five other kids; hopelessly uncool Milhouse, bullying Nelson, nerdy Martin, religious Todd, and super-computer geek Database. He was treating the quest like one of those TV ones, like _Scooby Doo. _He even gave everyone except Data, Tasha and I stereotypes, including himself.

"OK, this is how it works." he told us as we stood on the border of Springfield. "I'm the leader, Milhouse is my loyal sidekick, Nelson's the tough guy, Martin's the smart guy and Todd is the quiet religious guy who ends up going nuts."

"Data's the psychological guy, and we're the double agents." Tasha whispered to me. I laughed and nodded.

In the end, Bart decided we needed to split up into pairs. I agreed. "OK," I said. "Me and Tasha will check out with the teenagers, so that leaves the other kids to you."

Bart went with Milhouse, Database with Todd, and finally Nelson and Martin went together. Later in the afternoon, I spotted Nelson sheepishly beating up some kid that had threatened Martin, sighing "I never hang out with him, normally."

If Tasha and I were double agents, we would have to hang out with the teenagers. So we disguised ourselves so we weren't obvious Springfieldians, and made up the story that we were new to Shelbyville, and already hated Springfield.

Finally, we went out to face the teenage girls of Shelbyville.

**Stephanie won't be with Bart for the whole time here, but they'll work together. Please review!**


	30. Chapter 29

**Next up, find out how Steph and Tasha go with infiltrating the gang of Shelbyville tweens and teens. Thanks for reviewing, Sailor Pluto and Hooray.**

"Um, hi." Tasha said, acting shy.

"Hey, we just moved here." I said to the Shelbyville girls.

"So what are your names?" one girl asked. There were three of them, with one of them being the girl I'd argued with before the lemon tree was stolen. "I'm Jessica. That's Phoebe, and that's Lara." Lara was the girl I'd argued with, but she didn't seem to recognize me.

"I'm Taylor and this is Sophie." I said, using our middle names. "You know that town north? We drove through there when we moved, and I was so scared Shelbyville was going to be like that."

"But it's so much better!" Tasha added.

"Oh, you mean Springfield?" Lara said. "Yeah, it sucks over there. My little brother went off to spraypaint SPRINGFIELD SUCKS further up, so they'll see that every time they look into our town. Also," she giggled. "We took their lemon tree."

"Yeah, their dad let us put it in the impound lot, where he works." grinned Jessica. All three girls looked so smug and pleased with themselves. In fact, it made me want to punch them all.

"You know," said Phoebe. "I sometimes wish those Springfield kids would come here, then we could rub it in their faces how much better it is here."

At least we knew where the tree was now. But all we could do at that moment was to hang out with the teens and kill time. The girls weren't interested in making lemonade at all, and we couldn't blow our cover.

We talked about usual stuff. We were walking past the graffiti tagged cliff, and at first, it seemed that it did say exactly what Lara said. But the girls gasped. "Hey, what the hell is written up there?"

SPRINGFIELD RULES SUCKERS was written up there, and I immediately recognized the neatly written handwriting as my brother's. That would be just the kind of thing he would do, acting as a double agent himself.

Tasha and I were trying hard not to giggle. When we didn't gasp, the three girls looked at us suspiciously.

I had to pretend, putting my hand next to the pocket where my mobile phone was. "Oh, that must be my sister. There's a party we're going to out of town, and we have to get ready, like, now. Come on Tash, let's go, see you guys later!" I said at top speed, and Tasha and I ran off. Once we'd gotten out of sight, we both burst out laughing.

"Looks like some kids don't understand double agent missions, huh?" Tasha gasped out.

"You know Bart." I pointed out. "He's just too reckless and stuff for his own good."

We met up with the boys in the end, and found the car impound lot. But the minute we got there, Dad turned up. "Found them!" he called out. "You kids are all in big trouble for running away from home like that." he told us.

"But Dad, we had to come here!" I protested, as a whole bunch of parents assembled behind him. "They stole our lemon tree!"

In the end, Dad actually did talk to the manager of the impound lot, Shelbyville's Bart equivalent's father about the lemon tree. Well, he was also Lara's father, as I discovered. "Give it back, or I'll bust in there and take it!" he threatened.

"Bust in here and take it?" the man exclaimed. "You must be stupider than you look."

Dad actually tried, and the man laughed. "Don't you get it, Springfield? It's over! You lose!"

"And you are all losers!" I yelled at the man and boy. "Take the dumb tree! It's not like you have all the cool things that Springfield DOES have!"

The man ignored me. "Now if you'll excuse me, all this talking has made me hungry." He actually bit into a lemon, even though he grimaced and tears ran down his fat face.

Apparently, Dad had decided to get our neighbours to drive their RV into Shelbyville, since Todd WAS their son. Anyway, Bart had an idea. He got the RV parked in front of a hospital, and sure enough, Impound Guy came along and towed us away, with us Springfieldians still inside.

It was a tiny bit problematic, but we got the tree back, and then opened the gates, driving away as fast as possible.

"Eat my shorts, Shelbyville!" Bart yelled out the window.

"You suck more than my baby sister!" I called (Maggie has this annoying habit of sucking on her pacifer every five seconds, since she can't talk).

The tree was a little broken, but the tale of our rescue was told again and again. Even in Shelbyville, an old man told a twisted version, saying they had banished the lemon tree because it was haunted.

"Whatever." was all I said. "We get lemonade, they get turnip juice."

**Sorry about the shortness of this chapter. What should I do next?**


	31. Chapter 30

**OK, OK, I'll try to do Treehouse Of Horror. Thanks for your reviews, Darth Sith'ari, Sideshow Cellophane 26 and StrawberryOkami101. I'm going to do three segments, told by each Simpson kid except Maggie (for an unoriginal wraparound that I like), but they'll be from different shows. And as a special thing, I'm going to write each segment from the storyteller's POV, instead of just Stephanie's the whole time. But to start off, I'll tell Stephanie's story first.**

"_Mo-om!" I whined. "Why do I have to do the warning?"_

"_Because SideshowJazz1 asked you to." Mom said. "Since she created you, you can do her a favour back."_

_I folded my arms, scowling, but I stepped out from the curtain and said "SideshowJazz1 wants me to warn you that this chapter is going to be Treehouse Of Horror, and a couple of others will be too, so if you are one of those over-sensitive people like SideshowJazz1's family, you should stop reading now."_

_After the lemon tree incident, Halloween rolled around, and Mom had this moral code about not trick-or-treating, since the time all of us ate too much candy when I was eleven, and we all had nightmares. The next year, we had a Halloween party and told ghost stories – Lisa told a story about an evil Krusty doll, Grampa told us the plot of an old movie, and Bart told a story about zombies. This year, Bart, Lisa and I decided to go up to the treehouse again, like we did a few years before, and tell more ghost stories. Last time, Bart had told us stories about an evil house, and good-guy aliens that had become a trademark of Simpson Halloweens. Lisa had read out the poem "The Raven" for us, and I'd told them a story about anorexia, making it sound much more scary than the illness really was (which wasn't too hard). But none of us really got scared, although I heard Dad outside, and it seemed like he thought the raven was coming to get him. If he was stupid enough to evesdrop again, I intended to scare him stupid._

_So I took my turn first. My story was all about a crazy gremlin..._

Bart was being a total twitchy paranoid, because he'd dreamed about a wheel coming off the bus and crashing. Lisa decided to embarrass him on the bus, by telling everyone "Bart's feeling a little upset, so could everyone please be extra nice to him?" Everyone on the bus burst out laughing, even me.

"Hey, where's your diaper, baby?" taunted Jimbo Jones, pulling Bart's shorts down.

"Thank goodness he's drawn the attention away from my shirt." murmured nerdy Martin Prince from Bart's grade. He was wearing a top that read _Wang Computers._

I decided to prove him wrong. "Hey, what's with the peverted machines?" I teased. "You want yours on a computer too?"

Martin's relief didn't last after that. The attention was drawn straight back to him. I went to sit in the usual seat by myself, waiting for Tasha to get on the bus. Azure and Sunshine were in the seat in front, as usual (Although Mel and Laura didn't take the bus. Except, if they had, at least Bart would be distracted by trying to impress Laura, so I kind of wish she did, that day). Also, Skinner was on the bus. His mom, he said, had confiscated his car keys when she caught him talking to a woman on the phone. "She was right to do it."

"I never realized what a wiener Skinner is!" Sunshine giggled. "He's still a kid to his Mommy."

"I knew that from kindergarten." Azure bragged. "And it was confirmed three years later, when he told the new kids – who are in fourth grade now – that his name was Principal Sinner. She glanced further up the seats. "Hey, your brother's really weirded out, Steph. I guess your little sister was right."

At that minute, Bart yelled "Everybody, there's a monster on the side of the bus!"

The elementary school kids believed it, although us middle school kids didn't. But I glanced out the window anyway. No one else seemed to see the green flash that appeared underneath the part of the bus where the wheel was.

"Hey, there's no monster." Jimbo said.

"You're deceptive." stated special needs Ralph Wiggum.

"I don't see anything." added Otto Mann, the driver.

"Hey, who's driving the bus?" Milhouse asked.

The bus was soon back under control, but Bart was still weirded out. When Tasha got on the bus, she, Azure, Sunshine and I talked all about it, although I did mention the green flash.

"And the wheel does seem a little more loose than usual." added Sunshine.

Bart continued to be freaked, even going so far as to lean out the window and use some fireworks meant to scare Martin to get the monster, or whatever it was, to go. I did see it at the time.

Ned Flanders was on the road, and he took it in. "It's some kind of hideous monster." he exclaimed, wrapping it in his coat. It shot out a claw at him. "Aw, the little cutie's trying to claw my eyes out." he said in a soft tone of voice most people use when they're talking about babies.

When we got to the elementary school, we found out that the gremlin had, in fact, been loosening the wheel.

"I was right, I tell you!" Bart cried. "I was right!"

But Skinner still sent him to a mental hospital. "Right or wrong, your behaviour was still disruptive, young man. Maybe spending the rest of your life in a madhouse will teach you some manners."

As the rest of us had to walk to the middle school, we still chatted about it.

"I wonder how Flanders got on with that thing?" Tasha said.

"With great difficulty!" Azure giggled.

"I bet it's still going to haunt Bart." I said. "He's probably seeing it right now, screaming his head off."

**Yeah, I chose "Terror at 5 ½ Ft". What segment do you want Bart to do? And which should Lisa do? Review and tell me! Sorry for the long wait, I've been on vacation overseas, and access to the Internet was nearly impossible.**


	32. Chapter 31

**OK, next segment. Thanks for reviewing, kkman57, StrawberryOkami101, Kinola, randomgirl, Sailor Pluto, Sideshow Cellophane 26, moonmonkey15 (Thanks for the idea! It does sound like her), Rainlily216, sonicfan2000 and Darth Sith'ari (and that's definitely a good idea, I was thinking about that segment today). I have made my decisions from your suggestions. So we will continue, with Bart's story (and this chapter is all in Bart's POV).**

"_That was not even scary, Steph." I rolled my eyes._

"_Wasn't trying to be." Stephanie shot back. But I could always tell when she was lying._

"_OK, then." I challenged. "Try my one on for size, then."_

"_You're just going to tell another zombie story." Stephanie accused._

"_Nah, this one has alchemy in it." I said, and told the story._

My book report on an alphabetical story wasn't good enough for my teacher, so I had to go back to the library and read another book. It was a good thing I found that alchemy book in the convieniently appearing corner of the library with magical books. Kind of weird.

There were even souls in the book, like there are in that movie about those kids that die in their dreams. When I closed the book, they all got hurt.

This had to be the first book I ever read that was actually interesting. I was in the chapter about zombies and how they fed on the brains of the living while Lisa was talking about how Snowball I, our first cat, died a year before. Stephanie was also in the room, sketching something and occasionally glancing over my shoulder at the book. She probably thought I didn't notice, but I did.

"Don't you remember that this is the night Snowball I died?" Lisa said.

Stephanie simply rolled her eyes. "You were never that interested in Snowball when she was alive. You only went all angsty about her afterwards. You're so absorbed in death, sis, that you don't even notice Snowball II. Not that she resembles a snowball." As if she'd heard her name, Snowball II wandered in, and Stephanie picked her up. She didn't really care about the cat, she was just proving a point to Lisa. Both of us knew it, and ignored her.

That was when I had a great idea. Maybe there would be a spell in the book which could bring Snowball I back to life. I looked through the book to find the spell. "Here we are! 'How To Raise The Dead'."

All three of us went to the pet cemetery, but Stephanie, predictably, found fault before we even started. "Bart, do you have to wear that stupid hat?" The hat wasn't stupid! It had Michael Jackson on it, in the _Thriller _album pose.

"What's wrong with Michael Jackson?" I said.

"Not very magical or even dark." Stephanie said. "What, does raising the dead mean it's a 'killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight'?" She quoted the words in a mocking tone.

I chanted the words. Nothing happened.

"It's not working." Lisa sighed.

Stephanie wasn't looking at Snowball's grave. Her eyes were fixed further off, to the human cemetery. Lisa followed her line of sight, and alerted me. "Bart, you cast the wrong spell! Zombies!"

"Please, Lise, they prefer to be called the living impaired." I informed her.

Stephanie simply scowled, as if the undead weren't walking towards us. "I don't care! Just RUN!" She sped back home, Lisa and I joining her on our bikes.

We told Homer straight away. "We did something very bad!" Lisa said breathlessly.

"Did you wreck the car?" he asked.

"No." Stephanie rolled her eyes, as she does way too much.

"Did you raise the dead?"

"Yes!" Lisa cried.

"But the car's OK?"

Lisa and I nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Alright, then." was all Homer said.

The zombie wave went on. Sideshow Mel infected Krusty, Flanders was one...we had to barricade the doors and windows. But the zombies got in when Homer forgot about it. To his credit, he did give himself up, but they tapped his head, then pushed him away, calling for more brains. I always doubted our dad had a brain...

It was Lisa who made a suggestion. I'd gone to the occult part of the library. Maybe the library had another book to reverse the zombie spell.

But first, we had to get past Flanders, who was coming towards Homer, wanting his ear. Homer had a gun, so he shot him straight off. He fell.

"Dad!" I exclaimed. "You killed the zombie Flanders!"

"He was a zombie?" Homer said.

Stephanie started giggling, as we drove off to the school. I never thought I'd be so excited to get to school, but I was. As Homer and Stephanie began warding off the zombies with guns, Lisa and I ran to the library. The first spell I cast turned Lisa into a snail, which she didn't notice. She was prettier that way, although as I reluctantly told her when she was entering Little Miss Springfield, she wasn't really ugly. But one more spell, and Lisa was back to normal, while the zombies walked back to the graveyard, chatting away.

That night, we all watched TV together, remarking tonelessly on what was happening, staring at the screen.

"You people are all living zombies!" Oh yeah, Stephanie had refused to come watch TV, so we heard her yell that from the stairs. She ran back up to her room, laughing like a zombie herself.

**Sorry it was so short, but "Tweenlight" is up next. I'll let you in on a secret: I've read all the books in the Twilight Saga, have seen all the movies, and will see "Breaking Dawn: Part 2" when it comes out (my sister and I always see the movies together, even though we live in different countries). And there is also a vampire story in this archive starring Lisa if you want to find it. Also, don't request any other episodes, I've decided what will happen in the rest of the story. Please review!**


	33. Chapter 32

**Next up, "Tweenlight", from Lisa's POV! Enjoy! Thanks for reviewing, StrawberryOkami101, Rainlily216, Sailor Pluto, jo (sorry, no, but check my favourites for Nightmare On Elm Street fics by Darkness Takes Over if that kind of relationship is what you want to read about) and kkman57.**

"_Not scary." Stephanie scoffed. "At least mine had dramatic tension."_

"_My turn." I said. "I'm not trying to be scary, but it's definitely got some good in this. Not all dead people are mindless..."_

It was a rainy day at school, when a new boy came to school. He was extremely pale and all the girls were crowding around him. When I finally got a proper look at him, I decided that he was a lost cause in my case. Sure, he was good looking, but he'd never even look at me, the only second-grader that could read higher than a sixth-grade level.

"Hello."

I giggled nervously. The boy had addressed me!

I opened my mouth, hoping to say something normal. Instead, I heard myself say "I love your pallor," and mentally slapped myself. What a weird thing to say!

I only snapped out of it when I realized that the school bus was hurtling straight towards me, and I screamed.

The boy jumped in front of me and pushed the bus back, leaving a dent.

"How did you do that?" I exclaimed.

The boy looked a little shocked, but he smiled quickly. "It's these cheap school buses with their squishy metal. On another subject, you have beautiful eyes." he said quickly.

I giggled again. "They're just dots in circles." I pointed out. After all, wasn't everyone's eyes like that?

But I was still suspicous, especially after the boy saved me from a bunch of other vehicles. I couldn't ignore that there was something strange about his pale skin, his speed, his strength...

Everyone else was staring, too. The boy looked at them, then back at me. "Come with me." he whispered, then scooped me up and ran through the forest near Springfield and up a tree. When I looked back, I saw a bunch of the middle-school kids on a field trip, including Stephanie, who stared at me, then suddenly grinned and mouthed _Talk to me later._

The boy showed me his fangs, and I gasped. "You're a vampire!" I exclaimed. "I should be scared, but I'm not."

We cemented our relationship. He was called Edmund, and had been the same age since he was turned into a vampire.

Stephanie did insist on talking to me about "the boy who picked you up", so I told her everything, and for once, she actually acted like an older sister, giving me advice on practically everything. "And he's gotta meet the family too." she said. "Invite him over some time."

I knew she just wanted to talk to him herself, but I figured restricting our whole family to be polite would stop her from asking questions, instead of if they met by chance, which was possible.

On the night, though, I was nervous. "Edmund's almost here, so please, no one be themselves!" I begged.

"I know, I know." said Dad. "Don't serve garlic, don't stab him in the heart with a wooden stake, don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein...it's racist somehow."

I opened the door to Edmund. "Sorry." he said immediately. "My dad insisted on coming." Dracula stepped out beside him.

"Dad, I don't need a chaperone." Edmund snapped. "I'm four hundred years old."

"You live in my crypt," Dracula said simply, "You play by my rules."

"You're tearing me apart!" Edmund howled.

The atmosphere was getting very awkward. Mom, who was standing next to me, seemed to feel it too, but she pretended not to.

Dad and Stephanie embarrassed me anyway. Stephanie held off the questions for a bit, but she seemed to be bursting, and the first thing she asked Edmund was "So what was it about my sister that first got your attention?"

Dad was worse, asking Dracula all these questions about vampires. "So, if a mosquito bites you, does it become a vampire too?" was Dad's...I don't know, thirty first question? I lost count.

Dracula sighed. "Yes."

"OK, OK, if you bite your tongue, does it become a vampire?"

"Look, I'm more than just a vampire." Dracula told him. Then he got out a trumpet and started playing jazz. It was OK, but Edmund seemed mortified.

"You said you wouldn't bring that." he hissed.

"I said I _might _not_." _Dracula corrected.

Edmund went closer to me. "They say vampires live forever, but I die of humiliation every day."

"I know just how you feel." I muttered, looking at Dad dancing with the dog.

"Let's fly, Lisa." And with that, we were out of the house and into Vampire Central. No, I mean, there was every vampire there, even the Sesame Street Count.

The two of us sat in a treehouse. "Bite me, now, Edmund, and we'll both be vampires!" I whispered.

But I heard another voice. "Get your neck away from my son's teeth, you temptress!"

Dracula, Dad, and even Stephanie had followed us!

"Sir, I'm not trying to take your son away from you." I told Dracula. "I wish to learn of your rich culture and abolish all the unfair vampire stereotypes."

I heard Stephanie laughing, as she and Dad climbed up too. But Dracular seemed appeased. Then I realized that would make me a child forever, and changed my mind. Unfortunately, Edmund was about to bite me anyway. But before he could, Dad showed off a cross. Stephanie attacked, kicking Edmund to the ground.

I managed to survive, but Dad and the two vampires weren't so lucky. They drained Dad of blood, turning him to a vampire, but they died of his cholesterol overload.

Stephanie and I stayed in the treehouse, watching Dad's bat form trying to fly. "Well, that was interesting." I said.

"Where's the horror in this kind of vampire, sis?" Stephanie asked.

"_Where's the horror in this?" Stephanie demanded. "It's Halloween, Lisa."_

"_I told you I wasn't trying to be scary." I retorted._

"_Whatever." Stephanie sighed. "I'm bored, I'm going." And with that, she climbed out of the treehouse._

**The story is coming to a close. I'm going to do the movie, and then maybe something original, but then I'm done. So, please, please, please review!**


	34. Chapter 33

**OK, let's begin the movie! Thanks for your reviews, Sailor Pluto and Sideshow Cellophane 26 (and as you know, I'm loving your fanfics). OK, after two chapters of the younger Simpson kids, we're back to Stephanie's POV.**

Oh, sweet Oz. Where to even start with this one? Church? Green Day's concert? Lisa's talk about the environment? Dad's pig? OK, I'll start with the concert.

Green Day did a concert on a barge in the lake, and it was awesome. But they wanted to talk about the environment after a couple hours. In Springfield, that was a total fail. No one listened to that kind of thing, and the crowd turned on them immediately and started throwing rocks.

At the same time, Green Day's barge was dissolving due to the acid in the lake, and all three of them played a violin as it sank.

The following Sunday, part of church was supposed to be a service for them, but I think we missed it, being late.

"I hate being late!" hissed Mom as we walked up the path.

"Well, I hate going." Dad retorted. "Why can't I stay home and worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my deathbed?"

"Homer, they can hear you inside."

"Relax, they're too busy talking to their phony baloney God-" Dad stopped talking as he opened the door. Everyone was glaring at us as we went through the church and slid into the pew where Grampa was asleep.

Reverend Lovejoy wanted one of us in the church to speak. Ned Flanders was the first to speak, but he wasn't saying anything interesting as usual. Lovejoy wasn't interested in him, anyway.

"Somebody else? Let the Lord's light shine upon you! Feel the spirit." I think I might've been the only one that noticed Grampa waking up and noticing what was happening. "Let it out." But then, I think he caught everyone's attention seconds later.

"Horrible, horrible things are going to happen!" he screamed. "And they're going to happen to you, and you, and you, and you!" He pointed at Mom, last, and she gasped.

Grampa fell over, and started writhing on the floor. "People of Springfield, heed this warning!" he cried. "Twisted tail, a thousand eyes, trapped forever!"

"Dad, do something!" Lisa cried.

Dad flicked through the bible. "This book doesn't have any answers!"

"Beware, beware! Time is short! Epa, epa, epa!" Grampa shrieked. "Believe me, believe me!"

We had to wrap him up in the rug on the church and pull him out in the end. "Thanks for listening." he added as we closed the door to the church.

As we drove back, Dad said "So, who wants waffles?"

"I do, I do, I do!" chorused me, Bart, Lisa, and Grampa.

"Wait a minute!" Mom insisted. "What about Grampa?"

"I want syrup!" Bart called out.

"I want jam!" I said.

"I want strawberries!" said the healthier Lisa.

Mom was still stuck on it, but I wasn't sure why. Grampa always said crazy things, and they never made any sense. He didn't even seem to remember his outburst in the church.

The rest of Sunday would have been peaceful, if Dad and Bart hadn't started playing dares. Lisa missed it, because she was out trying to tell people about the environment and Lake Springfield's pollution (she came back bubbling over with news about some Irish boy called Colin who was into the environment like her).

But although I didn't bother joining in with the dare game, I had to watch, laughing at everything they suffered from. Finally, Dad came up with a truly humiliating dare for Bart. "I dare you to skateboard to Krustyburger, and back...naked!"

I made a face. "Bart, don't do it!" I begged. "I'll be the laughingstock of the seventh grade – the sister of the fourth grade aspiring nudist."

Bart wasn't looking forward to it, either. He only did it because Dad was all for claiming him "chicken for life".

"Every morning, you'll wake up to 'Good morning, chicken!' At your wedding, I'll say 'bawk, bawk bawk bawk – baw?" That was when Dad realized that Bart was already off.

I immediately jumped on my bike and followed him, seeing different things happening everywhere. Ralph Wiggum blinked at Bart and then announced that he was into guys. Agnes Skinner told everyone not to look where she was pointing and let her finger follow Bart. Jimbo and his friend Dolph dropped cigarettes at the sight of Bart, and even the police followed him, for breaking the law about wearing clothes. He ended up landing on the window of Krustyburger. The police handcuffed him to a nearby lamppost, and he was there for the next two hours, with Nelson Muntz pointing and laughing at him continuously. When his mom finally came for him, she did the same.

When Dad finally pulled up in a car, he gave Bart clothes (except for his pants, which he forgot). In front of the police, he blamed Bart for the skateboarding thing, and we all knew that

Bart didn't have pants, but we went into Krustyburger, and – get this – I witnessed Ned Flanders (who was there with his sons) actually addressing Bart, saying he had an extra pair of pants, and giving them to Bart.

"Why are you helping me?" Bart questioned. "I'm not your kid."

"We're neighbours." Flanders said. "I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys."

I scoffed as Dad stole some of the boys' chips. Five minutes later, he was scarfing down a krustyburger while Bart and I sat opposite him, glowering. Finally, he asked us why we were mad.

"You really wanna know?" Bart said.

"Maybe cause you blamed Bart for the whole skateboarding episode when it was your fault?" I said sarcastically.

Dad ignored that and said "Of course I want to know. What kind of father wouldn't care about – a pig wearing a hat!" He was referring to a pig who was in Krusty's newest commercial, now being filmed.

I scowled and whispered to Bart "At least he knows you exist. I'm like the invisible girl." This didn't help either of us cheer up at all, though.

But Dad didn't only take an interest in the pig. He decided to take it home with us. Seriously, seriously. Wow, was that man crazy.

**OK, there's my next chapter. Hope you liked it! Please, please, PLEASE review!**

**Also, is anyone out there into fanart? If so, could you PLEASE draw Stephanie? I'd really like to have a cover for this story.**


	35. Chapter 34

**OK, let's continue. Thank you for reviewing, Sideshow Cellophane 26 and Sailor Pluto.**

When Dad brought the pig home, Mom insisted that Grampa's rant in the church referred to it – the "twisted tail" part, but Dad ignored her warning, and persuaded her to let him keep the pig.

I was more interested in Lisa's growing boy interest. While Mom scrubbed the pig tracks, Lisa was babbling about how she hadn't told her the best part about Colin.

"He sounds too good to be true." I remarked. Lisa shot me a glare, and then turned back.

In Mom's opinion, the best thing was that Colin actually listened to Lisa. "Nothing means more than for a man to – how did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?"

In the main room, Dad was walking the pig across the ceiling, singing "_Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does,_

_Can he swing from a web, no he can't, he's a pig_

_Look out! He is a spiderpig."_

"You named him Spiderpig?" I scoffed. "What a weird name. Hey, can I have a go with walking him across the ceiling?"

I didn't wait for the answer, and instead yanked Spiderpig out of Dad's hands and carefully walked him across the ceiling and then down the wall. Then I turned to Dad, and asked "What does a spiderpig do anyway? You said that he 'does whatever a spiderpig does', which is meaningless. Couldn't you make up better lyrics?"

But Dad didn't seem to care about what anyone said. Lisa, on the other hand, hadn't let her affection for Colin stop her from bugging everyone about the pollution of Lake Springfield. She lectured everyone all about it until they took her seriously and had to stop dumping everything they didn't want in the lake.

There was a concrete wall put up around the lake and about a million signs that read "No Dumping" by the time they were done. They even made sure the wall was idiot-proof by telling a slack-jawed yokel to attempt dumping in the lake, and making sure he failed at it.

Dad changed Spiderpig's name to Harry Plopper, even drawing a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead and giving him a pair of little round glasses.

Days went by as normal, except for the fact that Dad was paying less attention to Bart, and I'd even caught him getting closer to Flanders.

"And how come this is any different from the time the family fostered us?" I asked him. "You hated it then."

"I don't have to talk to Rod and Todd." Bart pointed out. "But Homer isn't much use as a dad, while Flanders actually does act like one, even if his kids act like robots."

I nodded. "Yeah, they're totally weird. I understand, but I still wouldn't be in your place for ten bucks – which I need to buy a new easel. My old one's about to collapse."

But apart from that, things were going pretty much normal. It was routine, and boring. At one point, I was talking about it with my friends.

"It's not really that bad, is it?" Sunshine said. "At least there's no surprises."

"You have all your moments tinted by the sun, don't you?" Mel teased her. "Surprises are what makes life life."

"Getting all philosophical, Mel, are you?" I laughed.

Azure giggled too, but shrugged. "I agree, though. Surprises, are, like, anything."

"It _is _getting boring, now." Tasha added. "Springfield is at its most boring right now."

But then D-day came. I was painting a picture inspired by some obscure singer who I somehow found on YouTube – well, just one of her songs – called "What If". It was a picture of a girl with long hair, lying on the edge of a cliff on her stomach, looking like a mermaid with legs. She was smiling dreamily and staring down at the sea, which I'd made stormy and grey-blue, with the sky overcast, if not rainy. In the distance, you could see someone in a house, watching through the window. I'd also written in Indian ink in my best calligraphy the lyrics _What if I'm a socialite who wants to be alone _just above the girl's head. Nearer the house, I'd written _You cannot stand to believe I'm not the perfect girl you thought _which was a mix of two of the lyrics. Anyway, moving on...

I noticed the sunlight from the window dimming, and looked out. A huge glass structure was slowly being lowered down, breaking the back fence. I ran out of the house. The rest of the family was already out, Mom staring in horror at the helicopters around, with EPA on them. "Epa! Epa! Trapped forever!" she murmured. "It's all come true."

"That crazy old man in church was right!" Grampa added. I glanced at him, but was too shocked to laugh or make a quip. Springfield was trapped in a dome, and so were all of us.

Everyone, from kids to the eldest of the elderly walked through the streets at the end of the dome. Bullets didn't work. Professor Frink could've solved our problems with his new invention if it wasn't outside the dome.

"What ruthless madman could have done this to us?" cried Sideshow Mel.

"The United States Government." The voice came from a screen on the side of the dome, where a man appeared. He told us that he was the head of the Environmental Protection Agency – the EPA. Springfield environmental health had reached crisis levels – someone had dumped stuff in the lake again, and they had done this. When he first told us this, people weren't bothered, interrupting him by yelling stuff out. Krusty even yelled out "Drama queen!" when he got to the bit about how polluted Springfield was.

If only I had known who it was that dumped in the lake, I would have attacked them right then and there, but I didn't notice anything at the time.

I talked about it with my friends at another time. Sunshine didn't gloat about what she said about no surprises, though. She was too depressed. "We were going to go on vacation next weekend to Maine." she mourned. "Now we can't."

"We're isolated!" Azure exclaimed with a scowl. "If the person responsible for this was here right now, I'd put them out of their misery. Why couldn't they evict us if they were so desperate? At least we'd have a chance to get a new life."

"I swear," I muttered. "Once I find out who it is – and I will – I'll help with the killing part."

**Stephanie will regret saying that. Please, keep reviewing!**


	36. Chapter 35

**OK, time to move out of Springfield. Thank you for reviewing, LORIKEET12, Sideshow Cellophane 26 and NewSlove.**

At one point, Mom said that Maggie got out of the dome, but no one else saw her out before anyone else could prove that Maggie had found a way out.

But that wasn't important. About two weeks after the dome had been placed over the town, the culprit was at last found. A silo marked "Pig Crap" was brought out, marked "If found return to Homer Simpson". Mom and Dad were in their room, but the rest of us were watching the TV downstairs, so I saw my sibling's reactions that the person I had said I'd kill was none other than my own father.

Maggie's pacifier fell out of her mouth, Bart's eyes widened, and Lisa's eyes filled with tears, and I knew that she was furious. Lisa was the most sensitive person in the family, and cried easily, but she only looked like this while crying when she got really angry.

I myself was speechless. When Plopper wandered in, I pushed him out of the den. "Don't even show your face here." I growled. "This is your fault."

Meanwhile, a roar of voices were coming nearer and nearer. The voices became clearer and clearer, and I could hear what they were yelling, over and over. "Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!" It sounded like all of Springfield was out there, out for blood. Dad's blood. No, not just Dad's – our blood, too.

Before any of us could react, we heard the door crash open. Bart and Lisa ran upstairs, as Krusty turned to Mr Teeny and ordered "Take out the baby!"

"Come on, girls!" I heard Azure's voice order. As Maggie smashed a bottle to use as a weapon, as the five girls I'd once called my friends backed me up against the wall.

"I didn't do anything!" I pleaded, feeling degraded at being reduced to begs, but I knew that they were all going to kill me if I didn't say something.

Azure, who was leading, looked around. "Mel, Tash, Sunshine, upstairs." she said. "The rest of them are there. Laura and I can deal with _her._" Azure gave me her most poisonous look. I'd seen it before, directed at teachers, her siblings, too-good-for-everyone-else smartass hall monitors and people on the honour roll. But I never thought Azure would look at me that way, and although I didn't let on, I hated it.

The three girls didn't even question her, although Tasha turned and gave me one sad look. I wasn't sure if she meant by that look that she didn't want to do this, or that she couldn't believe she was doing this.

But I didn't dwell on that. I knew that they would've come armed, and Azure and Laura were both inches away – and both of them were out to kill me. I quickly swung a fist at Laura as my foot came into contact with Azure's stomach. Then I made a run up the stairs. But the door the rest of my family was safe inside was barricaded. My other friends and a couple of others were stretching their arms through, and I could hear Dad yelling "Stand back, I've got a chainsaw!" and making chainsaw sounds.

So I ran for my room, and stuck my iPod and cellphone into my hoodie pocket before edging across the tree to get through the window of Mom and Dad's room, praying that the mob wouldn't see me. Luckily, they didn't – just another advantage to my style – black clothes didn't catch that much attention.

But luckily, Ned Flanders had decided to help. He put a wooden plank across to all of us. By that time Maggie was upstairs, so all six of us were walking across, with Maggie, then Bart first, followed by me and Lisa, then Mom, and Dad was last. We were rushing, because Skinner was already preparing the archers, but it was Plopper who saved us from the arrows. He pushed the plank with his nose.

"No, Plopper!" Dad called. "If you push that, Daddy will die!"

I felt like pushing him off the plank, but Plopper made it fall anyway, and the arrows flew above our heads as we fell a short distance onto the grass.

By that time, the house was on fire, and we all ran to the car. Mom ran into the burning house to grab her wedding video, then we were off...in the backyard, where the mob carried the car to six nooses that Jimbo and Kearney were finishing off, hanging a pacifier on one.

Bart thought fast. "Up here!" He swung on the nooses, up to the treehouse. Each of us followed, and Dad, again, was last. Sadly, Dad didn't get up, and was left to the mob's wrath for a moment.

"The word 'apology', is tossed around a lot these days," he began, "But when it comes from in here-" he was cut off by a chainsaw being thrown at him. During that time, someone had tied a chain around the tree, and Otto was using the school bus to pull the tree down.

Maggie suddenly began pointing at the sandpit. "Maggie, not now!" Mom said. Maggie pointed more urgently. "We'll play later!" Maggie facepalmed, then jumped into the sandpit, coming up on...the other side of the dome.

Mom realized exactly what was going on. "Follow me, kids!" She jumped into the sandpit, and one by one, the three of us followed.

Dad did too, but with more difficulty, since he was bascially a tub of lard (hey, I'm mad at him, I'm allowed to say that).

Oh yeah, and Colin, unable to see anything past his girlfriend, wrote a song for Lisa backwards on the dome so she could read it, since she couldn't hear him playing. It was actually quite sweet, at least, until Bart began chanting "Lisa's got a boyfriend, that she'll never see again..." and Lisa punched him in the face.

That was it. The EPA was going to be looking for us, so all six of us would have to lay low. We stayed in some crappy backpacker place for the night, with Maggie having to sleep in a drawer. Some of us would have to sleep on the floor (I was going to vote for Dad getting the floor – Bart and Lisa combined wouldn't take up as much room).

But before anything else happened, we were all going to get an explanation from Dad, whether he liked it or not.

**There, I don't know why the mob scene got me writing so fast, but then it was quite fun to write! Yeah, it was a little cruel having Stephanie's friends trying to kill her, but still – I felt that Azure is the craziest one of Stephanie's friends, so she'd be the one to be in action, and Tasha, being Stephanie's best friend, would be more reluctant. Please review!**


	37. Chapter 36

**Well, I'm continuing, I guess. Hope you like it! Oh, and with Bart having less time to draw over the Wanted poster – it's more realistic.**

**Stephanie: Thanks for reviewing, Sideshow Cellophane 26 and Sailor Pluto. You guys are pretty cool!**

So let me set the scene. Lisa tucking Maggie into her drawer, Bart gulping down the contents of a small bottle of whisky, and me lying on one of the beds, staring at the ceiling. I was thinking about Springfield, and my friends. Even though they'd tried to kill us, they were stuck in the dome, and I knew that sooner or later, the whole town would lose it. I felt sorry for everyone that was back there, even though ordinarily, if someone had tried to kill me, I would never forgive them (Trying to kill my brother on the other hand...go back to those chapters).

Mom came in, locking the door and closing the curtains. Being fugitives felt frightening, but exciting as well. I'd never seen Mom panic this much, and it seemed foreign, almost enjoyable. Then, the feeling faded as she exclaimed in her normal "Mom" tone "Bart, are you drinking whisky?"

"I'm troubled." Bart said dully.

"Bart!"

"I promise, I'll stop tomorrow!" he said defensively.

"You'll stop right now!"

Mom had to chase him around the room, while he continued to pour the whisky down his throat. Finally, he dropped down on the floor, and slurred "I miss Flanders. There, I said it." Then he was out cold.

When Mom asked where Dad was, Lisa told her he'd gone out, and added "Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone!"

"Hey, guys? What's the secret knock again?" Dad was outside.

If this hadn't been so serious, I would've rolled my eyes at Lisa and whispered "Too late" or "don't let him in, right", but in this case, Mom had to let him in, and all three of us folded our arms and scowled at him. Bart was still out cold, but Maggie sat up in the drawer and glared, just like us.

Dad knew what he'd done was wrong, but he insisted that he didn't know why he'd dumped the silo in the lake instead of disposing it sensibly like Mom had told him to. "I don't think about things!"

"There's a shocker." I muttered under my breath.

"I respect people who do," Dad continued, addressing Mom personally, "But I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again."

"Oh..." Mom would've softened if Lisa, Maggie and I hadn't glared at her. "I mean, 'oh.'" she said coldly.

Dad continued to apologize, and he even had a backup plan. In his wallet, he'd kept a huge poster of Alaska, and planned to move there, should he screw up life in Springfield, as he had.

Mom was uncertain, but as usual, Dad was able to talk her around. "Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say, 'I need you to do this with me'. And there's only one answer when someone says that."

And Mom, of course, agreed. "OK, Homie. I'm with you."

"So," I said. "How do you plan on getting all six of us to Alaska, hmm?"

Bart woke and pulled himself up by the blanket on the one king-size bed. "Mom, you just bought another sack of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman." he slurred. "How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?"

"If you don't believe in me, believe in America." Dad replied with a smile. "A place where a man can make quick money with no questions asked."

We won a truck at a carnival. I'm serious. Dad was given three tries to ride a motorcycle in a circle around a hollow ball. That was up, and down. He fell over the first time, and the other couple, the motorcycle ended up falling when he was at the very top.

He was just lucky that the man gave him another try "just because I like seeing you hurt yourself", and that Lisa gave him advice to speed up at the top. He rode the motorcycle around billions of times, and didn't fall off once. Even I cheered with the others, because it looked so cool.

We got the truck, and so we at last had a vehicle.

Bart became sober, which was good. However, there was also bad stuff that happened on the way to Alaska. At a petrol station (where we bought some cola and beef jerky), there was a wanted poster of us on the wall, very accurately drawn. Thankfully, Bart saved the situation by drawing differences over the picture of us (the me in the picture looked like a little girl on stilts). Mom asked the man at the counter for "lots and lots" of beef jerky while he did so, but keeping the man occupied after that was something I had to do when Mom ran out of ideas. I had to make myself look like a total dork, but for the first time in my life, I pretended to be Lolita, and although he didn't even seem to notice how obvious I was being, it got us just enough time.

When he finally looked at the vandalized poster, he gasped and said "Oh my God, look – there they are!"

An exact replica of Bart's version of the family was standing there, and they were all arrested. The six of us sped off in our truck, laughing like crazy.

**A little cruel, but after that filler, the next chapter will be in Alaska. Please review!**


	38. Chapter 37

**OK, here we are. Enjoy! Thanks for reviewing, Sailor Pluto and Sideshow Cellophane 26.**

"Oh, this isn't how I pictured Alaska at all!" Dad groaned at the hail and snow we drove through, only about half an hour away from our new home. He put up the poster on the windscreen and sighed happily, until we alerted him that we couldn't see where we were going.

All of us screamed as the truck bounced on and off the road until we were able to drive in a straight line again.

"At least my poster didn't get torn." Dad said brightly, looking at the window. He tried to pull it down, but it turned out that our view of Alaska...was nearly exactly like the poster.

We were welcomed to Alaska straight away, although Mom would always make sure that if any of us went out, we were in our winter clothes. Dad brought a bunch of violets back to Mom whenever he came home, and Bart usually brought an avalanche while Dad got firewood by clapping. When he saw Bart clapping and Lisa simply standing there, he took it the wrong way and ordered her to "clap for Alaska". But I could admit, Alaska was peaceful, although there weren't many people there. But it was, after all, the spring break, and I was able to do whatever I wanted. I only met one other thirteen-year-old girl – Ruby. She was OK to hang out with, but she wasn't like my friends in Springfield.

I often thought back to Springfield, on that point. I wondered how they were doing, stuck inside that dome. Were there any resources left? I wondered how much was left in the Kwik-E-Mart, and the Monstro Mart. Was there enough booze left at Moe's for him to keep open?

But one day, we found out what was going to happen. There was an advertisement for the new Grand Canyon on the TV in our little cabin. "It's west of Shelbyville, and south of Capital City." said Tom Hanks on the screen.

Mom's eyes widened. "That's where Springfield is!"

"It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was." Hanks continued. "If you're going to trust a government, why not this one?"

"They're going to destroy Springfield!" Mom cried.

I switched the TV off. "Right. We might've been able to leave the dome, but we can't let everyone in Springfield die. Come on, let's get going."

Mom nodded. "Usually I wouldn't agree with this kind of thing, but this time, I think you're right."

But Dad scowled. "I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!"

Mom gasped. "I can't believe you'd say something so selfish!"

"Those people chased us with pitchforks and torches!" Dad pointed out. "At four in the afternoon!"

"It was seven at night!"

"Besides the point entirely!" I snapped. "We're going back now."

Lisa agreed with me. "Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?"

"Flanders helped us when we were in trouble." Bart chimed in.

"Who cares what he did?" Dad said. "He's not your father."

"I wish he were!"

"You don't really mean that. You worship me."

"Oh yeah? Look what I did to your picture!" For some reason, Bart had a picture of Dad in his pocket, and he'd drawn a Flanders moustache on it. I'll bet anything that Dad is going to try and strangle Bart within a minute...

"Why you little..." right on cue.

Back to the story. Mom even tried echoing Dad's words when he asked Mom to be there when we moved to Alaska.

I waited for Dad's reaction, and while I wasn't surprised, I was furious at it. "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."  
"Homer Simpson!" Mom exclaimed.

"We're saving Springfield!" Lisa declared.

Dad continued to insist we were staying, then stormed out.

I turned back to the family. "If we're going to save Springfield, we better get going now. So we better pack, and get the train to the nearest place where we can spread the news."

"Seattle." Lisa supplied.

"Right." I nodded "Seattle. Then we work out how to spread the word about it without getting caught."

"Wait." Mom said. "Before we leave, there's one thing I have to do." She picked up the recording of the wedding video. She wanted to record a short message for Dad.

"Can you let me do a message too?" I begged. "I have something to say too."

Mom didn't like the idea, but she sighed. "OK, Stephanie. You can record something before me." I could tell she was about to cry, so I kept it short, if not sweet.

"Ahem." I sat down on the bed in front of the camera. "This thing on? Right." I looked straight at the camera, green irises eyeballing the camera

"Dad, if you're watching this, you're probably still in Alaska, being stubborn, while we're gone, trying to help Springfield. You might not realize it, but up until today, I'd been there, because I was born to be there. But up until now, I've never had to choose between you and Mom like this. Today, you were the selfish one, so I'm choosing Mom. Sure, Azure and my other friends tried to kill me, but it was your fault, and now we're leaving to help Springfield, because it's the right thing to do." I hated crying, but it was honestly hard to keep my eyes dry, and I blinked fiercely and finished, "Goodbye, _Homer." _I used his first name deliberately, making it certain to whoever watched that I was now denying any father-daughter links between us. Then Mom said her piece (with much less unsuccessful attempts at trying not to show she was crying), and all five of us (me carrying Maggie) made our way to the train station.

**I nearly cried writing that myself! Also, I know that Homer was the main focus of the story and the rest of the family got caught, but...well, you'll see. Please review!**


	39. Chapter 38

**Next chapter, on the train. Thank you for reviewing, Sideshow Cellophane 26!**

I opted to sit away from my family on the train to Seattle. Mom was reluctant to let me, but I pointed out that if one of us got caught, then being separate would benefit us. Bart was drawing way too much attention to himself, and Lisa was concerned that the government would find out about us. Eventually, she slid into the seat next to mine.

"I don't know how they would catch up with us, but they could." she whispered.

I nodded. "I know, sis, I know. This isn't a movie, though. Nothing will save us if we do get found out."

"Mom _did _say that the government isn't listening in on everyone's conversations, but they could."

All of us kept a low profile, hoping to get to Seattle without problems. And, to be completely honest, getting to Seattle wasn't a problem. It was just that the EPA was already after us. TV-On-The-Dome Russ Cargill, the head, was waiting for us.

I ducked down on the floor, underneath my seat, and pulled Lisa down with me, not that she needed pulling in the first place. I could hear Mom's voice a few seats away. "Do you think he saw us?"

I didn't look to see anything, but I heard smashes and guns, and then Cargill's voice. "Yes. I did."

Lisa and I stayed underneath the seat until we knew all the EPA men with the guns were gone. Unfortunately, the train had started up again.

"OK." I whispered. "Not one more word about who we are. They found out, and now they'll be on the lookout for us and Dad."

"Steph, what can we do?" Lisa asked. "We can't go back to Seattle, and I have no idea how to get to Springfield."

"Don't worry, I've got a map." I said. "The train goes to Capital City. If we get off there, it's the best place to let people know about Springfield, next to Seattle."

I didn't admit it, but I was scared. This was dangerous, for both of us. Even if we weren't fugitives, stepping onto unknown territory was frightening. But just the look in Lisa's eyes made me know that I had to swallow the fear. After all, however mature she was, Lisa was my little sister, and if Mom, Bart and Maggie were caught, and Dad just didn't care, who else was left but me?

The two of us whispered our plans together, and then I realized what could help us when I saw my reflection on the window.

"Lise, got a hair band or something?" I asked. Lisa pulled one out of her dress pocket, and I immediately tied my black hair into a schoolgirl plait, to make myself look a little less like the Stephanie Simpson everyone knew. Then I brushed out Lisa's blonde hair carefully (although I had to use my fingers) so it reached past her shoulders.

"Disguises." I whispered. Lisa nodded. But the minute we stepped off the train, we faced the same fate as Mom, Bart and Maggie had. One person even yanked the hair band out of my hair, taking black strands with it. Then they shackled both of us and led us to a van where the rest of our family was.

"Girls, are you OK?" Mom asked anxiously.

"Yes, Mom." I said. "Don't worry, we're no worse off than you."

"They're taking us back to Springfield, aren't they?" Lisa said, her eyes wide with fear of this realization.

"Springfield will kill us if we go back!" I cried. "We can't!" Memories flooded my mind, of the faces of my friends. Azure's death glare, Tasha's disappointed stare, Laura's hard look, Sunshine's face screwed up and trying not to cry, Mel's emotionless blank...I couldn't take it. And for the second time in as many days, I tried hard to suppress tears. But they came. I hadn't cried since I was little. But this time, I cried harder than ever before, leaning on Mom for support for once. She didn't cry this time, but Lisa did, and Maggie burst into tears, just like a chain reaction.

Meanwhile, Bart started battering at the wall. Even after the crying ended, he continued to do so. Lisa played her saxophone as best she could. I started to join in with Bart.

"Let us out! Let us out!" Bart yelled.

"Get a clue, you incompetent idiots!" I screamed. "Let us go, you son of a bitch!"

"Stop that!" called another voice. "You'll scratch your shackles!"

"I hope I do!" Bart yelled.

I wish we hadn't, because the next thing I knew, a gas sprayed into the compartment. Mom held her and Maggie's nose, while Bart and Lisa and I tried to hold our breath, too.

"Oh, way to go, Bart." Lisa said sarcastically.

"Before I succumb to this, I'm telling you, you screwed this up!" I said, glaring at Bart, as my eyes began drooping. Bart and Lisa managed to kick one another, as all five of us dropped down, unable to fight the gas any longer. The blackness took over, and I knew, that when we finally woke up, things would be very tricky. They'd take us back to Springfield, I knew, and even if they didn't kill us, we would die when the town was blown up.

**Sorry about how short this is, but hey, we're near the end, and the next chapter will be longer, promise. Now, review!**


	40. Chapter 39

**OK, now we better continue. Thanks for your review, Sideshow Cellophane 26 and Sailor Pluto!**

I was right. When we finally came to, I came face to face with the crumbling statue of Jebediah Springfield.

I heard Bart's voice, then. "I can't believe it, but it got even crappier."

Suddenly, there was the sound of rustling, and gibbering. The five of us clung together nervously, until the person making the sound appeared.

Out of the shadows came a familiar person wearing a traffic cone and looking disheveled. I didn't even recognize him for a moment. But then I looked carefully over him, and his name came back.

It was Moe.

I was poised to fight attacks from any direction, in case Springfield still wanted all of us dead. But Moe simply said, addressing Mom, "Oh, hiya, Midge."

"Moe, what happened?" Mom asked.

He explained about how things had been getting crazy, and that he was the self-proclaimed Emperor of Springfield.

"Does everyone still want to kill us?" I asked. "Or just our dad?" But Moe had no time to answer, as I felt someone tackle me from behind.

I fell to the ground, and then looked up at the face. "Steph, are you OK? We weren't really going to kill you, honest! We were mad at your father, that's the thing, and the whole town wanted to kill you. Azure calmed down the minute you disappeared, she's really sorry! She'd never say it, but we can all tell!"

I wouldn't have recognized her if she hadn't been talking so fast. But I knew that voice well. "...Tasha?"

My best friend noticed my confusion, as she moved away and helped me up. "Come on, Steph!" she said. "You can't possibly have forgotten me!"

"I haven't." I assured her. "But everything here looks so different. I can't recognize anyone."

"How did you get back?" Tasha asked.

"That sinkhole led out of the dome before." I said, "But the EPA caught us on our way to Seattle, and then gassed us. We woke up here, no idea how they got us back in."

Tasha shrugged. "Well, anyway, come on, the others are over next to the high school – lessons stopped there since things have been going crazy, but we still hang around there sometimes, since the park died."

"Attention everyone." I glanced up. Cargill was on the TV in the dome again. Before he could say any more, I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled "You bastard! If you just got rid of that stupid dome, then you wouldn't need to do this?"

Cargill ignored me, and went on to lower a bomb into the dome, where there was a hole at the top.

When he finished talking, Tasha narrowed her eyes at me. "Did you know about this?"

I sighed. "We saw a commercial for a new Grand Canyon in Alaska, situated exactly here. That's why we were going to Seattle, to tell everyone that the EPA was going to destroy Springfield."

Lisa wanted to go and find Colin, but Mom told her that "Doomsday is family time."

I groaned at that comment. Tasha ran off momentarily, but came back with Azure and Mel.

"My mom always said to make the most of life." she said, with the ghost of a smirk. "So seeing us one last time helps, right? Though the Powers have become recluses so Laura's at home, and Sunshine's family is together, too."

I got another flying tackle hug from each of my friends. If I hadn't thought I would die in two minutes, I would have wished my camera was there, so I could capture Azure's face, because I'd never seen her so scared. I'd never seen her even come close to tears, but I could see from her rapid blinks that she was trying hard not to.

I could hear Cargill talking, but I wasn't listening. But suddenly, people were falling. All of us gasped and turned. People had been climbing up the rope of the bomb, and someone had knocked them off.

I turned to face whoever had fallen with them, who was lying directly in front of Bart. As Cargill disappeared from the screen, the man who I thought I'd never see again looked up at his son.

"Homer do good?"

"Actually, you doomed us all. Again." Bart informed Dad coldly. "Nice knowing you, Homer." After that, Bart spun around and headed towards the church, no prizes for guessing why.

I gave Dad one hard stare, then turned away from him pointedly. I didn't know why he was here, but as far as I was concerned, the only way left to redeem himself was to save us all. Hey, at least I didn't join everyone else, including my friends at throwing stuff. I just walked off.

I heard Dad babbling behind me about something, an "epipha-tree", I think, but I didn't do a thing. I only turned around when the sound of a motorbike began.

Dad drew up beside me, with a tenative smile. "I'm saving the town. I know I don't deserve another chance, but do you want to come?"

I looked at him. Then the bike. Back at him. I didn't really want to give Dad another chance, but I would do anything for a ride on the bike. And who knows, maybe he'd prove himself.

So I shrugged. "The motorbike's cool." I jumped on, but there was room for one more. Dad picked up the bomb as he drove through Springfield, then drew up in front of the church, where, sure enough, Bart was standing with the Flandereses, pretending to pray with them.

Dad and I drew up, and Dad asked Bart to join us. At first, he refused.

However, Dad held out the ticking clock. "I'll let you hold the bomb."

Bart paused, before shrugging. "My man knows me." He gave his trademark troublemaking laugh before jumping onto the bike behind me.

"So what happens?" I asked. "Is this like that ball of death you had to ride to get that truck?"

I didn't need Dad to answer. I knew that we'd drive up the side of the dome, and Bart would throw the bomb through the hole it was lowered in before it exploded.

"Dad, in case I miss," Bart said, "I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my father."

"Me too." I admitted, slightly uncertainly.

"I don't blame either of you." Dad said. "I wasn't much of a father." he started going of on a tangent, until...

"Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!" It was Mom yelling through a loudspeaker. But before Bart could do it, I grabbed the bomb in panic and threw hard.

It went up, and the townspeople cheered. But it came back down, onto the edge of the dome...and stayed.

The dome exploded, but the motorbike had to make it down quickly. We even had to make it across Springfield Gorge, which we would've fallen down if it wasn't for Bart's slingshot and the cliff face (Dad had gone across on Bart's skateboard once, but he'd fallen, and the ambulance had also dropped him, so I don't think he could've survived a third time).

We skidded to a stop at last. "Now that was a great father-son...or daughter activity." Bart said, glancing at me.

I grinned. I was just happy that Dad had actually singled me out for once, not just Bart.

That was pretty much it. Well, Cargill tried to shoot us and Maggie dropped a rock on his head, but that was it. But apart from that, things went back to normal, except that the whole town hailed us as heroes and helped rebuild our house.

**Wow! So that's the movie done! Well, I promised something special after this, so I'm definitely not going to break the promise. At the moment, my poll of my fanfiction crossovers says that I should do a crossover between this fanfic and my Goosebumps fanfic "Slave To Passion" (one of my most popular next to this and my Animaniacs story "Princess Alexandra"). I've got an idea, so I'll do one more chapter, and then I'll start on that story. Meanwhile, please review?**


	41. Epilogue

**Now...well, just wait and see! Thanks for your review, Sideshow Cellophane 26 ( :D), Sailor Pluto (myr oldest reviewer!) and Darth Sith'ari (and yes, that is what this is...kind of...)**

I'm Stephanie Simpson, I'm thirteen, and my family is nuts. That's what I always say about myself whent someone asks me who I am. But then, there are some things that are OK. Just because my family is nuts doesn't make them too uncool, even if they embarrass me beyond words when they're at their worst.

Mom is hopelessly lame, of course, but I love her. She's...well, she's Mom. If she's not with us, the Simpson family falls apart. Trust me, I've seen it.

Dad...well, he's embarrassing, mostly. But he's got a heart underneath all that blubber. And of course, he's hilariously funny to watch when he embarrasses himself at times, like when the one of us pesters him long enough, he'll give in – like buying a pool, taking us to Mt Splashmore, and going to the sushi restaurant. I think the only time he didn't give in was the time Bart wanted a hundred bucks for some comic book.

Speaking of Bart, he's annoying. It's humiliating, knowing that he can actually overpower me when he's younger. I can't stand him when he's playing pranks or whatever – on me, at least. But if he lets me in on it, I can like him. Last time he played that trick on Dad with Lisa's diary that shocks unauthorised users, I laughed so hard.

Lisa...well, she's still a nerd. I've come to accept that she'll never be anything else. But she's my little sister, and if she stopped showing off her smarts and correcting people, she could almost be cool. Well, maybe with that hippie T-shirt and ragged jeans she wore on holiday one time. But regardless, she's my sister, and I'm stuck with her, so I have to look on the bright side. She's not a monster sister.

Maggie is just sweet. If I have anything to do with it, she'll grow up like me. I mean, already she can be sarcastic and face-palm. I love her a lot, I'll admit.

I guess that this is where I finish my reel of examples. If you really want to see them again, go back through the chapters. Or just find the TV show recordings of us reenacting it (well, I refused, but everyone else did it, even Lisa).

But then, the story's not over yet. Recently, I've been having the weirdest dreams. Nightmares, I guess. They're practically Krueger dreams, except that they actually are dreams, not reality when I fall asleep. Sometimes I dream about normal stuff, but I'm usually pretty young. Once I was only about four. Once, I remember being pushed on stage as a ten-year-old and pushed to sing something – I think it was actually from _Wicked – I'm Not That Girl, _I think it was. But most of the dreams have me at fourteen, or at the oldest, seventeen. I'm always in a cream-coloured bedroom, with a shelf below the window, which is kitty-corner to the bed. And there's always this guy there, who looks kind of creepy, but kind of hot too. He always scares me, though I don't know why. But the thing is, I'm not Stephanie Taylor Simpson in my dreams. I'm some other girl – I'm not sure. I think she's a blonde. I don't know who she is, but whenever I have these dreams, I'm always in her body. The dreams feel like memories...but they can't really be. I was never this girl! I've never even met her!

It can't be memories, right? Right?

Oh, what the hell, who cares what the fudge I dream about? You know, I'm just gonna shut up before any more embarrassing stuff comes out onto my laptop.

I am Stephanie Taylor Simpson, I'm thirteen years old, I love to paint, and my family is still nuts.

**Well, that's it! But don't worry, you haven't seen the last of Stephanie. Firstly, I advise you to check out Sideshow Cellophane 26's fanfictions. Her story "Someone's Island" includes Stephanie, and it's awesome! If you liked Stephanie here, you'll like her in that fanfic too!**

**Secondly, you remember that "Slave To Passion" and "Being The Oldest" crossover I talked about? Well, it's coming up on this archive as soon as I write the first chapter.**

_**Summary: Whenever Stephanie falls asleep, she dreams that she is in the body of a shy quiet girl who seems to live for the cute teenage boy she's always with. Who is the girl? How is she connected to Stephanie? And why does she seem to both fear and love the boy?**_

**Love you guys! Peace out!**

**SideshowJazz1 xxx**


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